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UER Mobile > Private Boards Index > Relationships > Age differences (Viewed 11158 times)

post by heinrick

Age differences
< on 8/12/2012 7:48 AM >

One of my old friends was born in 1986, the same year I was. She just married some dude who had then completed high school and is old enough to be her dad. Crazy shit, but they're crazy happy.

I'm in my mid-twenties and 5 years is a big difference at this point, but lately I've been connecting more-so than anyone else ever before with somebody five years my senior. There could be romance here, but that could also be a boy's dream. Most of my peers seem like a waste of time at this point.

Have you been with somebody significantly older or younger than yourself? Has it worked out for long, or not so much? For that matter, what is significant years apart—5, 10, 15, 25?

[last edit 8/12/2012 7:48 AM by heinrick - edited 1 times]

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post by Shael

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 1 on 8/12/2012 2:00 PM >

My father was 18 years older than my mother. They were happy, they'd probably still be married if he hadn't died.

I work with someone 18 years older than me and if he weren't married...well, you get the idea. You just feel something there, some kind of weird sexual tension that even the people we work with feel. We fight like we're married and damn it, sometimes we may as well be.

In my case, I'm 38 and he's 56. Honestly I don't see an issue, other than he's married and I'm seeing somebody.

Personally, I don't think it matters if it's 8 months, 8 years or 80 years difference, as long as both are over age and they're happy.

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post by Jonsered

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 2 on 8/12/2012 10:44 PM >

Dated women significantly older and younger, and had good and bad with both.

Age is a number. Two adults that make each other happy? Thats a beautiful thing. Don't get hung up on the number, get hung up on the beauty of the moment.

[last edit 8/12/2012 10:45 PM by Jonsered - edited 1 times]

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post by aurelie

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 3 on 8/13/2012 3:53 AM >

Posted by Jonsered

Age is a number.

This.

Age has always been irrelevant to me; it's who the person is and how they think and act upon said thoughts that matters.

There are plenty of people who are far more mature than most people their age, and plenty of older people who have more in common with those younger than them.

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post by Neptune

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 4 on 8/13/2012 4:03 AM >

Twice in the past I had dated two gentlemen who were 4 years my senior. One of those relationships lasted nearly 3 years, and the other 10 months. I dated a 20yr old when I was 22 and that was a mistake. The relationship lasted 5 months because he was still in little boy mode. I'm 24 now and dating a 31yr old, which is perfect because we're in similar places in life and want similar things, it's pretty wonderful.

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post by Astro

Usually naked

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 5 on 8/13/2012 4:05 AM >

Posted by aurelie

This.

Age has always been irrelevant to me; it's who the person is and how they think and act upon said thoughts that matters.

There are plenty of people who are far more mature than most people their age, and plenty of older people who have more in common with those younger than them.

Nailed it.

We really are individuals and separating adults based on age is unfair. I know a lot of people a lot younger than me who are very mature people and then I know people who are old enough to be my father who are very immature and see the world very much like a teenager would.

If you are happy, does it matter?

One of my customers was a lot older than me, he is 32 years older, to be exact. If not for a few small details in our lives (such as me seeing someone at the time) there is a very good chance we would have pursued something.

So in a committed relationship between two adults, age really is just a number and shouldn't be any more a factor than religion, sexuality, ethnicity, etc, as long as everyone is mature and accepting of differences.

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post by Fusspot

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 6 on 8/13/2012 5:30 PM >

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
- Mark Twain

And what everyone else has already said.

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post by hydrotherapy

Clever Girl

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 7 on 8/13/2012 5:34 PM >

I like how many people are giving the standard easy blanket response without actually answering the question at hand. Hurrrrr.

I typically date 5-10 years older than myself. Just tends to work out best for me

I've dated slightly younger before, and I've dated older, to parrot what everyone else has said, I don't think it particularly matters, and all depends on the people at hand, though I appreciate you actually asking for specifics instead of inspiration helvetica formatted quotes over serene pastures.

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post by Porcelain Doll

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 8 on 8/13/2012 6:19 PM >

Well I am in agreement with age has no relevance, but I have tended to date older guys.

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post by victoria-

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 9 on 8/13/2012 6:34 PM >

I have a very hard time dealing with younger men. I tried even a year younger and I found them way to behind in their priorities.

I always gave myself an age limit however, 5 years older and that's it. Until I met my current Boyfriend who is 7 years older then me. Me being 20 and him 27. It's pretty great. We get along perfectly, work together night shifts, and enjoy the same things. I just recently moved into his place with him and it's going perfectly.

It all depends on who it is and what you like. In the end like everyone else has stated age is just a number. It's who the person is that matters most!

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post by Jonsered

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 10 on 8/13/2012 7:26 PM >

Didn't realize I hadn't actually answered the question.

When I was 20 I dated a woman who was 32. 12 years older than me, had a wonderful time. Earlier this year, I went out with a girl who is 20. 26 years younger than me. Had a wonderful time. So there ya go.

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post by Fusspot

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 11 on 8/13/2012 9:26 PM >

Posted by Jonsered
Didn't realize I hadn't actually answered the question.

Oh yeah! There was a question!

I personally set a +/-5 year cap that I stuck with in my mid-to-late 20s, but that was mainly because I didn't want to deal with creepy old men and arbitrary "rules" are what dating is all about right?

Typically, I've dated younger... at most 5 years younger than myself. Most of those typically didn't last very long, whether by accident or by design. The younger ones were always fun, but not on the same track as my life.

My long-term relationships have been with people within +/-2 years. Our goals were more in line in these cases, but because we were still relatively young, our paths eventually diverged.

I can see how relationships with a greater age span can work though. It seems that history (social issues, fashion, etc) has a tendency to repeat itself, and so someone of an older generation may have lived through a similar experience as the younger generation may currently be experiencing. Not saying that anyone will be brought together solely by pegged pants, but to think that someone has to be within a certain age bracket to have commonalities with another is not entirely true. That seems to be the biggest question that comes to mind, "What could those two possibly have in common???" and it could be more than we think.

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post by cdevon

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 12 on 8/14/2012 12:58 AM >

hmmmmm.

i date mostly younger girls by 7-10 years. 1 older by 4 years.

age is just a number and if 2 people are happy together then thats all that matters.

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post by heinrick

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 13 on 8/14/2012 6:22 AM >

Sure, it's just a number, but it sounds like we all have our little prejudices and preferences. Women generally look for older men, and men like younger ladies. Girls like to be entertained by a sugar daddy and men like to have somebody to take care of—is that an unfair assumption?

I seem to prefer women I'm not at all ready for, and the ones that like me are too immature. This sounds like the makings of a Woody Allen script.

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post by GrayFox

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 14 on 8/19/2012 7:51 PM >

I prefer at the very least to date someone who is 21 and can drink. As for the higher end, it entirely depends on the individual.

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post by cdevon

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 15 on 8/19/2012 8:11 PM >

Posted by GrayFox
I prefer at the very least to date someone who is 21 and can drink. As for the higher end, it entirely depends on the individual.

always a plus. but... some under 21 can drink just fine.

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post by GrayFox

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 16 on 8/19/2012 9:38 PM >

Posted by cdevon

always a plus. but... some under 21 can drink just fine.

Agreed. I meant more going out to bars or shows. There's always the fake ID route, but I'd rather not deal with that.

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post by Astro

Usually naked

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 17 on 8/19/2012 9:57 PM >

Posted by heinrick
Sure, it's just a number, but it sounds like we all have our little prejudices and preferences. Women generally look for older men, and men like younger ladies. Girls like to be entertained by a sugar daddy and men like to have somebody to take care of—is that an unfair assumption?

I seem to prefer women I'm not at all ready for, and the ones that like me are too immature. This sounds like the makings of a Woody Allen script.

I think that is unfair. I have never ever wanted a man just to buy me things and I actually hate being taken care of...unless I am ill, but that doesn't count. I am VERY independent and always have been. I have always been the one that made more money in my relationships. The only issue with my making more money is that that seems to bother a lot of men.

One reason I am single does tend to be the fact I am an independent woman, but I think age has nothing to do with that.

I once dated a guy who used to buy me stuff all the time, anytime there was a problem...I got a new piece of jewelry, or a gift of some sort, be it candles, a new bass, jewelry box, so on and so forth. Those were nice little gifts and I enjoyed them...but they did not make up for the relationship problems that we were having at the time.

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post by heinrick

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 18 on 8/20/2012 1:46 AM >

Okay, I take back what I said, which was kind of written in angst and not reflecting my actual thoughts.

I guess I've been a little impatient with relationships lately. I used to be the slow-going, cautious one that made others impatient, and now I'm on the other end of things. It's funny how we compensate for past experiences and roles reverse over time—does anybody else know what I'm talking about?

Anyway, if we judge people at all, it shouldn't be based on where they're at in life, but what they want from life.

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post by KublaKhan

Re: Age differences
<Reply # 19 on 8/23/2012 8:41 PM >

Posted by Jonsered

Age is a number. Two adults that make each other happy? Thats a beautiful thing.

Please don't tell me that the 20 year old is on par emotionally and intellectually with the 46 year old. I'm not interested in having deep, meaningful conversations about the parable of the caves with a 20 year old.