(dear mods: if there's some rule against light-hearted, casually sexual humour then I apologize, and accept that you will edit as you see fit)
The following is an incredibly over-dramatic tale of what was really a straightforward skyscraper jaunt.
So I heard that UER enjoys a good story. Well, how about a mediocre one!? Sit back and enjoy a tale of woe and wonder...
It all started, I think, with Zenlens' taunts on a previous post. 'No shots from the crane????' he said. Of course I took the bait: invited him to join me in a crane-climbing.
So we made it happen.
I suppose that the night got off to an interesting start when we made the mutually
terrible fucking decision to meet a stranger from the internet in a dark sideroad, and then get into a car together with no real introduction or assessment of the other's sanity.
As an avid hitchiker, I certainly had the advantage in this regard. Zen must be a pretty reckless kinda guy (but aren't we all, in some way?)
So there we were in the company of a stranger, driving. I shan't bore you with the mundane details. Suffice to say: we drove. We parked. It was a forgettable experience.
Being unfamiliar with Toronto, I submitted to Zen's superior wisdom in choosing the target for the evening. Which of these hideous, inefficient condo structures will it be? The choice was made, and we started - the only hazard we encountered on the way was the Katy Perry fanbase.
We approached our target with the careful, considered casualness that a college freshman approaches a potential lover. We found an entry point and quickly scuttled through and just as we were warming up... the security guy caught us. Like a freshman caught out by his target's boyfriend, so we too were rebuffed. We scuttled out the way we came in.
With the sting of rejection weighing us down, we took a more cautious approach. Scanning, we noticed another beauty: subtle, yet elegant - likely underappreciated, the perfect entry. Warily, we kept our eyes and ears open and slowly edged our way in.
And then there we were, inside the target. Actually inside!
As all of us have or will experience: it's one thing to get in, and quite another to know where to go. For some time, we were stumbling around like that same college freshman. It took us a long time to find the stairs.
And it was sweet relief when we did find them (the stairwell being nowhere near the elevators).
So we climbed,
and we climbed,
and we climbed:
and we kept climbing.
We learned that contractors enjoy graffiti:
And that someone really hates the plumbers:
and still we climbed.
We came upon the playground, and like the freshman starting to feel at ease, so we began to relax.
And as we relaxed, so the climb became more natural. We could enjoy the sensations of being so far above the world, and take pleasure in our conquest!
Until the urgency to reach the peak became too much. We had to get up that fucking crane.
So we went higher...
...and higher
... and higher
and then suddenly, there we were!
Also, bonus: a door that looks like it belongs in a horror movie.
And that's that. Zen was a great sport, it was a pretty straightforward jaunt, and the views from up top were pretty rewarding.
