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UER Forum > Rookie Forum > Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy (Viewed 7972 times)
blackhawk 

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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 20 on 6/16/2017 11:42 AM >
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Posted by Steed


Or increasingly, their fingers are typing.


Sinking ships.




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ryan5685 


Location: Cincinnati, OH
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"So what do you do for fun?" Oh I go in abandoned buildings and take pictures.

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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 21 on 6/16/2017 1:48 PM >
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Posted by vivid
Besides, mom told me not to meet strangers from the internet unless they're from Tinder.


That was beautiful 😂




Are we living a life that is safe from harm? Of course not, we never are. But that's not the right question. The question is, are we living a life that is worth the harm?
Deuterium 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 22 on 6/16/2017 11:38 PM >
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Posted by vivid

Hey you're in my area, let's meet! I've always wanted a free trip in an abando.


But why take risks? Infiltration is legally gray at best, no reason to dox yourself any more. Besides, mom told me not to meet strangers from the internet unless they're from Tinder.


You should stop thinking like brain dead #teampr dopeheads




Dee Ashley 


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Write something and wait expectantly.

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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 23 on 6/17/2017 12:04 AM >
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Almost every in-person experience I've had with other explorers, whether they were from UER or elsewhere, has been positive. I have maintained a very active and ongoing friendship with many of the people I've met from here and locally. In fact, there is a group of us that communicate very regularly and explore together often. It is a small group of us, and I trust all of them.

Ironically, the only negative experience I (almost) had was with someone that was a seasoned explorer. In fact, he had been plugged into this community longer than I had even known of its existence. He took great photos, was FM, knew a lot of other members all over the globe. He messaged me one day suggesting we explore a very enticing location just outside of the city he lived in. After doing some checking, I agreed to meet him. I was a little hesitant since he lived in another state and I would be meeting him in his familiar territory, not mine, and I would be alone. Long story short, there were some subtle and perhaps not-so-subtle red flags (a lot of them are outside the scope of this post, but there was more than just one potential issue with this person) coming up for me that I normally would have immediately backed out because of, but I pushed my concerns aside at first because of his long-term and good standing in this community. After some internal dialogue and even seeking the advise of a couple admins that might have some insight, I agreed to meet with him and one other person on a different trip that would be in a town that neither one of us lived in. However, that one other person suddenly couldn't make it and those red flags became more concerning to me.
The day before our meet-up, he basically made it clear that he was interested in exploring more than a middle-of-nowhere abandoned power plant, making my next decision an easy one.
I told him I would not meet, was not interested, and that his behavior/comments were not acceptable. I didn't trust this person and I still don't. I resisted making this decision at first because I didn't want to throw away an opportunity based on a potential misunderstanding. Maybe I did just that, but my instincts tell me that I would have regretted making that particular rendezvous. Besides, instincts and opinions aside, the comments were out of line and inappropriate without any doubt.
The thing that bothers me the most out of that whole experience is that I tried so hard to create a good idea out of a bad one. I think it's rare that something like that would come up with someone already established and trusted by others in this community of like-minded people, but it's still possible.

Always be aware and don't ignore warning signs. Most of us are not here to cause anyone harm, but we all have our own moral code, ethics, and comfort levels to deal with and no one's is identical to another. Hopefully however, they are similar. I believe that being bound together by a common interest makes it much easier to form strong ties with other members in person when the time comes.

On the flip side, there are also some members here that I already trust that I have not even met in person yet!




I wandered till the stars went dim.
Kate__ 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 24 on 6/17/2017 2:15 AM >
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I have yet to meet up with anyone from UER, but I have met someone from Instagram and plan to meet a few more over the course of the summer. When deciding if I will meet up with someone I always look at their profile or things that they have posted in the past. In order for me to seriously consider meeting them/ talk about specific locations, a general rule of mine is that they need to have posted quite a few pictures of their own. If someone who has not posted anything relating to an explore or has no posts at all I generally tend not to answer them.

Additionally it really helps when they are able to add to our conversation. For example, if someone were to message me or comment "Where is this place?", I am very hesitant to answer, whereas if someone were to message me and say something like "Hey, I think I've heard of this place is it ______?" If they seem friendly, have a lot of pictures of their own, and are seemingly easy to talk to I generally find them trustworthy, but I always talk to them for more than a few weeks just to be on the sure.




blackhawk 

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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 25 on 6/17/2017 2:29 AM >
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Always talk I mean talk to them first at least once on the phone.
It's far too easy to hide in text.




Just when I thought I was out... they pulled me back in.
vivid 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 26 on 6/18/2017 1:31 AM >
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Posted by Deuterium


You should stop thinking like brain dead #teampr dopeheads

"Hahaha"

The day before our meet-up, he basically made it clear that he was interested in exploring more than a middle-of-nowhere abandoned power plant, making my next decision an easy one.
I told him I would not meet, was not interested, and that his behavior/comments were not acceptable. I didn't trust this person and I still don't. I resisted making this decision at first because I didn't want to throw away an opportunity based on a potential misunderstanding. Maybe I did just that, but my instincts tell me that I would have regretted making that particular rendezvous. Besides, instincts and opinions aside, the comments were out of line and inappropriate without any doubt.
The thing that bothers me the most out of that whole experience is that I tried so hard to create a good idea out of a bad one. I think it's rare that something like that would come up with someone already established and trusted by others in this community of like-minded people, but it's still possible.

Please share more? What set you off? Were you worried about getting mugged, vandalism, or just that he was a bit psycho and detached from reality?



[last edit 6/18/2017 1:37 AM by vivid - edited 1 times]

Cryptomatic 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 27 on 6/18/2017 2:57 AM >
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I was lucky enough to be invited to meet up with a couple people about a week after I joined UER, and that didn't end in murder . I guess I'd say listen to your gut, but still be super cautious. You're under no obligation to explore with someone who seems like an asshole. Don't assume that just because there are no warning signs, they're trustworthy, but if you do see any warning signs, assume they're not. I'm a little more cautious as a female, but that just means I have to be extra aware of red flags when meeting in person, like Dee Ashley said. Oh, and find out their age (if that stuff matters to you for liability reasons.)




New. Improved? ... Extra shiny!
blackhawk 

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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 28 on 6/18/2017 3:05 AM >
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Posted by vivid

"Hahaha"


Please share more? What set you off? Were you worried about getting mugged, vandalism, or just that he was a bit psycho and detached from reality?


Where are you pulling the second quote from?




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Steed 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 29 on 6/18/2017 3:48 AM >
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Posted by vivid


Please share more? What set you off? Were you worried about getting mugged, vandalism, or just that he was a bit psycho and detached from reality?


Took me a minute too to decode what "he basically made it clear that he was interested in exploring more than a middle-of-nowhere abandoned power plant" meant.

Seems like a very shitty thing to try to combine sex and urban exploring.




blackhawk 

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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 30 on 6/18/2017 4:35 AM >
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Posted by Steed


Took me a minute too to decode what "he basically made it clear that he was interested in exploring more than a middle-of-nowhere abandoned power plant" meant.

Seems like a very shitty thing to try to combine sex and urban exploring.


No lack of innuendos here.
Best to know the layout well before you start trying to make a intricate connection...




Just when I thought I was out... they pulled me back in.
Deuterium 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 31 on 6/18/2017 7:19 AM >
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Posted by vivid
"Hahaha"


aww, you laugh it off but you had an angry tone in the unexpected PM you sent me.

Irrational objections to face to face meeting, previous no-shows and the not so subtle user text is not so subtle about what you're up to. I have a pretty good guess as to who recruited you here.



[last edit 6/18/2017 7:21 AM by Deuterium - edited 1 times]

Dee Ashley 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 32 on 6/18/2017 12:11 PM >
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Posted by Steed


Took me a minute too to decode what "he basically made it clear that he was interested in exploring more than a middle-of-nowhere abandoned power plant" meant.

Seems like a very shitty thing to try to combine sex and urban exploring.


Agreed! Especially when you've never even met the person and have messaged back and forth for all of a couple days!

Posted by vivid
...

Please share more? What set you off? Were you worried about getting mugged, vandalism, or just that he was a bit psycho and detached from reality?


Vivid, the first sentence in the paragraph you quoted pretty much sums up the problem. That was just my thinly veiled attempt at saying something in a more tactful manner than it was initially expressed to me. To be blunt, he indicated that sharing a bed and a motel room would be more "fun and economical." I'm paraphrasing, but the bed comment overt and clearly stated. He tried to backpedal when I became offended and said he was "just joking." That was when I hesitated, but his inappropriate behavior never completely went away until he became angry with me for ruining a trip he had planned that had nothing to do with me. This tells me he is probably an unstable nut job. I severed contact immediately at that point and never looked back (until now, I guess).

Oh yeah, I completely forgot until this morning that he had discussed two of his face-to-face UER meet-ups. Neither of them went well, and he said one of the explorers he met up with he pressed charges against and she has an active warrant out on her but she doesn't know it. He claimed that she stole money out of his wallet. The other guy evidently didn't pay his part in gas on a road trip and he's still pretty pissed about that as well. This and quite a few other things has instilled in him some pretty serious resentment about UER and the people on here. This happened almost a year ago, so I don't remember all the details (and I don't feel like rereading all those weird texts this early in the morning!).

Hopefully, I've expressed myself adequately enough so that when I say something about him just was not right, you can start to see why... Damn, rereading some of those old texts reminded me how not right he really was.

(Dear god, what was I thinking?)




I wandered till the stars went dim.
neiloffthegrid 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 33 on 6/26/2017 9:01 PM >
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Was said in one of the first comments, a digital footprint is key. Also find out their full name. It's pretty easy to search someone these days. Ask for contact info for others he/she has explored with. Best of luck.




xNat 


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With Night, Freedom

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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 34 on 6/27/2017 5:30 AM >
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I usually try to do the standard stranger danger stuff--let someone know where you're going/when you'll return, bring a friend, meet in a public location, etc. Especially as a small, easy-to-kidnap girl, I always find it brings me peace of mind to go to meetups and such with a friend or two, though thankfully all the people that I've met to this point have been friendly and not questionable at all, at least from my interactions with them so far.

It also helps to go to a location relatively popular/low-risk when exploring with them for the first time, it lets you sort of gauge how they explore, their ethical code, etc. before going into more questionable exploring locations.

Usually most of the people I meet from the hobby are friends of a friend, or has some sort of mutual friend along the line somewhere, I'm much more inclined to trust them if we share a friend or acquaintance, helps me know they're not super shady at the very least.




"That sounds like a horrible idea! Let's do it!"
Explorer Zero 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 35 on 6/27/2017 12:42 PM >
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Face to face interaction. Eye contact. Hand shakes. Real conversation is key.

I wouldnt trust anyone based on their social media profile or text messages.

If you cant muster the courage to look me in the eye, in person, its doubtful that Im going to deal with you at all. This has become a huge issue on buy/sell/trade pages and forums recently. Some things just cant be accomplished by texting.

Its a basic human skill Im afraid some people will never learn.




Steed 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 36 on 6/27/2017 5:58 PM >
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Posted by 2Xplorations
Face to face interaction. Eye contact. Hand shakes. Real conversation is key.

I wouldnt trust anyone based on their social media profile or text messages.

If you cant muster the courage to look me in the eye, in person, its doubtful that Im going to deal with you at all. This has become a huge issue on buy/sell/trade pages and forums recently. Some things just cant be accomplished by texting.

Its a basic human skill Im afraid some people will never learn.


You don't vet someone's online footprint to determine if they're trustworthy: you do it to find out if they're untrustworthy. You're looking for things to make you suspicious, not to make you trust them. Trust can only be earned through shared experience.




Explorer Zero 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 37 on 6/28/2017 4:47 AM >
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Posted by Steed


You don't vet someone's online footprint to determine if they're trustworthy: you do it to find out if they're untrustworthy. You're looking for things to make you suspicious, not to make you trust them. Trust can only be earned through shared experience.


Well that's really sayin the same thing aint it? I mean suppose your online research doesn't turn up any negatives, probably some stalkers and assorted weirdos are good at hiding their untrustworthiness online. Do you go for it? Arrange a meeting behind an abandoned building?

Im speaking rhetorically anyway, for rookies or anyone who is actually concerned about this. I rarely feel threatened about meeting anyone, I just don't never met them again if they turnout to be shitheads or loose talking fools like a couple of guys that showed up at DFW Meet Ups once. Gee, come to think of it I haven't had anyone stalking me since I was in junior high haha! I kinda miss that




Steed 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 38 on 6/28/2017 8:42 AM >
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Posted by 2Xplorations


Well that's really sayin the same thing aint it? I mean suppose your online research doesn't turn up any negatives, probably some stalkers and assorted weirdos are good at hiding their untrustworthiness online. Do you go for it? Arrange a meeting behind an abandoned building?


Fair enough. Maybe it's easier to look at it as if you can find a bit about a person, you're gathering disprovable comments that could be used to verify or disprove the person's authenticity.


Posted by 2Xplorations
Im speaking rhetorically anyway, for rookies or anyone who is actually concerned about this. I rarely feel threatened about meeting anyone, I just don't never met them again if they turnout to be shitheads or loose talking fools like a couple of guys that showed up at DFW Meet Ups once. Gee, come to think of it I haven't had anyone stalking me since I was in junior high haha! I kinda miss that


I wouldn't say I've ever felt threatened, but one guy who contacted me about urban exploring, specifically subway tunnels, turned out to be a tagger who was later arrested. I care more about protecting information than feeling threatened by someone in person.




Dee Ashley 


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Re: Good ways of making sure someone is trustworthy
< Reply # 39 on 7/5/2017 4:18 PM >
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Posted by 2Xplorations


...
I haven't had anyone stalking me since I was in junior high haha! I kinda miss that


Junior High! Good old-fashioned stalking didn't mean looking someone up on instagram and facebook 50 times a day or tracking them from the local Starbucks on a laptop, and there was no such thing as a digital footprints.

Oh, how I miss those simpler times...

(I also miss having no privatization of public roadways (tolls) or red light cameras, but I'll save those for another day)




I wandered till the stars went dim.
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