So I have encountered a bit of a dilemma. Say you are in a great and awesome relationship that is still enjoyable to be in after several years, but because of the time together, it has become a little boring. Not that there isn't love there, or that we don't have fun anymore, but a part of me is desiring the aspect of something fresh. Is that wrong or is it normal? I am not the type of person to ever cheat or be unfaithful, but I wonder which path is right?

Anytime I meet someone that I am mildly attracted to, I think it over in my head if that person could make me happier than the one I have now. Is this normal, especially in a strong relationship? These are feelings I cannot control or dismiss and I am just wondering if it is a normal side effect of a long monogamous relationship or if this is something I should ponder more deeply?

I sometimes overthink things and end up making mistakes, though I have never regretted those decisions. Part of my nature is exploring the different pathways my life can take and thinking which one would be the best to reflect on as an old man. Sounds wierd I know, but it's how I think of things.

Not sure what I'm going for here, not really looking for an answer or any suggestions, just wanted to get others input on the situation.

Asylunt
/Posting as sappy ass guy!

Generally, I don't like to think that I could provide relationship advice because of my own shortcomings in said field. However, there is one aspect of a relationship that I am all too familiar with: losing interest.

"The magic is gone," is a phrase with which I am all too familiar, not because I hear it, but rather because I find myself saying it. I am not going to suggest that I have difficulties starting relationships, because frankly, if you've ever seen my picture... (I kid, I kid). The one thing that's become a certainty within these relationships is losing interest, and often very quickly. I seem to start these rendezvouses with nothing but the best intentions. I'll often tell myself that I'm committed, and end up convincing myself that I truly care about the girl that I'm about to date.

Within a few months, I am convinced that I'd rather be dead. This is particularly frightening to me right now, because I'm in between two separate relationships, one waning and the other waxing. On one hand, I'm convinced that the new girl could even be the girl that I'll end up marrying. On the other hand, I'm reminded of feeling the same way months ago with the last girl I dated.

In summary, I've found that I often fool myself into believing I'm in some great relationship only to ultimately find out that, well, I've fooled myself. Your mileage may vary. I know that, for example, my best friend has been madly in love for slightly more than three years. I only wish I could carry a relationship for three months. Decide what's right for you, and then ask your heart if it agrees.

That's the best advice that an unhappy loser like myself could hope to provide.

Posted by INeedAttention.com Decide what's right for you, and then ask your heart if it agrees.

I think that's my biggest problem right now, they both don't agree and keep getting wishy washy on me, like Kerry on issues.(Sorry for the use of obsolete political jokes.)

Asylunt

I totally feel your pain Asylunt. I've been with my girl, a number of times, and we always got bored and broke it off after a few months or a year. There were other girls for me, and other guys for her.... but we kept coming back to each other.

I hated hearing that "if you love her let her go, and if your love was true, then she'll come back" saying... but I never really understood it.

So that's what I'm gonna say to you. If you're at the point where the charm, the love, the warm feeling is gone, then let her go. No reason in dragging it on further. That'll just hurt the both of you in the long run. Do the hug test. Get yourself in a shitty mood (it's easy for me, I'm a cancer) and hug her. If she makes you feel better, then I'd say you're just in a slouch. If you feel very little, or nothing at all, you might want to talk to her about it. Maybe she feels the same way too.

Maybe you won't be happier with an other, but it's not fair to ask of yourself: "will I be happier with her?" when you're with someone now. You'll never get an honest response. Don't worry about moving on to someone else, till you've dealt with the feelings you have for this girl. Who knows, maybe a month off is all you need to re-kindle that feeling.

Asylunt, these things don't change, even when you're happily married, I think it's just part of being a guy.

That's what I assumed. Things are peachy now, I guess. It's not like I would really break up with the wonderful woman that I share my home with, just random thoughts firing through the typical male brain.

Thanks for your thoughts as well.

Maybe together we can conquer manhood!

Asylunt

Posted by Asylunt So I have encountered a bit of a dilemma. Say you are in a great and awesome relationship that is still enjoyable to be in after several years, but because of the time together, it has become a little boring. Not that there isn't love there, or that we don't have fun anymore, but a part of me is desiring the aspect of something fresh. Is that wrong or is it normal? I am not the type of person to ever cheat or be unfaithful, but I wonder which path is right?

Speaking from a similar standpoint... it happens. I've got almost 5 years on the clock. Something like 1/5th of my life. The two big things to avoid the "The Thrill is Gone" (thanks BB!) syndrome: common interests, random adventure.
Things that you can do together that you're *both* interested in.. There's time for individual stuff, too, of course, which is necessary if you live together, but that's another story. Random adventure is my favourite. 8 hours, $20 each, and a half-tank of gas or so. Last time we did this, we brought bathing suits cause we rule like that.. We ended up driving 35 miles, to a town neither of us had been in, found a random Chinese restaurant, got some pretty good veggie fried rice.. stopped in a liqour store and got some bacardi and some coca-cola. Found a nice-ish hotel next to the interstate, poured the bacardi into the coca-cola bottles, walked into the place like we owned it, and went swimming, got drunk in the hot-tub, and made out in the sauna. Good times!

Posted by Asylunt Anytime I meet someone that I am mildly attracted to, I think it over in my head if that person could make me happier than the one I have now. Is this normal, especially in a strong relationship? These are feelings I cannot control or dismiss and I am just wondering if it is a normal side effect of a long monogamous relationship or if this is something I should ponder more deeply?

Very normal. My grandfather told me once (after elbowing me in the ribs and nodding towards a particularly good looking woman) "The day I stop looking is the day they put me in the ground." He'd been married for 47 years.

--dev

Posted by XRAHY Asylunt, these things don't change, even when you're happily married, I think it's just part of being a guy.

I can't really give any advice, but lemme tell ya, It's not just a guy thing!