I did google it, and I have reseated and replaced the RAM more than once with known good sticks that have worked in this machine in the past. As of now there is only a single stick, also a known good stick.
Edit: also, as I said before, it doesn't even beep anymore.
I'll try reseating the processor; based on other people's suggestions, I'm going to replace the battery and reflash the BIOS if nothing else works. After that it's time to buy a new motherboard...