My husband lost his job.
Has no intention to get another job.
Wants to take out loans and draw out money off the house, his tiny retirement fund, etc...
I fear he will put us into debt and ruin our credit. My credit. Which is good.
We live in a tiny house with his daughter who suddenly is living with us full time.

I am considering moving out. I make enough to support myself but not all three.

Am I being a heel?

As a collector.. you are not being irrational at all. Debt is very bad, and you don't want to mess around with your credit rating.

Personally the first thing I would do, if you have any joint credit cards, GET YOUR NAME OFF OF IT!

If there is someone living with you full time, then rent should be obtained...*L*

Maybe you can encourage or look around for jobs with your husband, I am sure he is feeling quite embarrassed or ashamed that he lost it, so show him some love, and support...

I am sure things will work out in the end... just keep an eye out for yourself, you don't want something to happen and be on your own with a crap credit rating... (In a collector's point of view of course)


My opinion.


'Squidg'

other than a joint checking account we share nothing else. Not even the house.

I can't exactly collect rent from a 15 year old though.

I have encouraged and sent him job postings. But he basically told me he has no intentions of finding employment for quite a while. And I just don't make enough to support him and his daughter. I just started this job too and want to stick it out. Meh.

No, you are totally within your rights to expect your spouse to help out with income. What a complete bastard. Two things...
Does this daughter have a mother that works? You absolutely should be getting child support if you are her full-time caretakers. You should not be expected to shoulder the entire burden of her needs.
Don't support his ass too long if you are considering divorce...I'm not a lawyer, but I think that if you have been his sole means of support for a certain amount of time, he could sue you for alimony in a divorce.
Good luck with that one, I truely feel sorry for you.

On the other hand, lets play devils advocate; First, what are you doing with a guy that has a daughter that isn't yours? What did you expect? That he would throw her into the street?

Secondly, I'm sure the guy has an idea of how long he can last without working.
What you aren't seeing is that when a job gets eliminated, the first thing on the persons mind is to say "fuck it all". The second thing is to corral the wagons (i.e the daughter comes to live with). Then the 'vacation' starts which turns out to be boring, but a much needed break and a rest from the feeling of being tied to a paycheck.

Third, assuming that the above is just me being imaginative amd you want to leave the guy because a kid is in the house and he lost his job (and is obviously on the defense)? Let's assume the guy just wants to sit on his ass all his life. You must have had an idea of what the guy was like before you hooked up with him.

On top of that you come to some goofball forum for advice from people like me and the rest of the numbnuts here? I think you better rethink who you date/marry in the future.

Lastly you said " I can't support all of them". That's great if you are correct and he is a bum. But if not, then why get married if you will leave at the drop of a hat?

Next time don't get married. And don't hook up with guys with kids (especially teens ). I dated a girl with kids from another guy once and I felt like shit at the end of every day, thank god I never got to the "shack up " stage with her.

Take it as you like, but I think you are looking for reasons to leave, and probably for good cause... you made a mistake in the first place.

Get out before your fine name gets tarnished. From what you've explained about this guy before, he sounds like a fucking prick anyway... he's not worth fucking your credit over for.

Sure that's all valid, 'Dukes

But people change, or people change when you first meet them and then revert to who they really are after you've been with them. No one is a sure thing. You just have to take your chances.

My husband doesn't believe that he needs to work because he has a kid. Now she has two unemployed parents. Good influences, eh?

I married him. He appeared together. Turns out, far from it after 3 years. And this is just the final hit on the head of the nail in the coffin.

We can live exactly one month. Until there just isn't enough. I make less than half than what he did and I am just at the very start of my career. It would be helpful if he actually filed for unemployment but he got overwhelmed with the paperwork and decided not to do it.

Im not a easy person to live with. But neither is he. That's marriage. But I wouldn't put him in financial jeopardy.

Posted by 'Dukes Next time don't get married. And don't hook up with guys with kids (especially teens ). I dated a girl with kids from another guy once and I felt like shit at the end of every day, thank god I never got to the "shack up " stage with her.

On another note...

She's a good kid. I like her. And I could easily take care of her. But it's the enabling parents and various family members that are the problem. She doesn't make me feel bummed out at the end of the day. It's the adults that do.

I have worked for 3 companies(very large ones) that have up and closed and it did alot of emotional damage not mention financial to many people that I knew. The worst that I saw were men. One of the companies set us up with counselors to help deal with some of this and the reaction that your husband is having is not uncommon but not healthy either. I am not sure of the details behind him loosing his job but if he was fired that shoots a mans ego to hell but does not make his fuck it all attitude ok.

I am no expert on any of this but if it were me I would get him alone and let him know that you love him, it's ok to have some time to deal with this and you will help do what needs to be done to get him back on track. Being firm in telling him that getting back on track isn't not working and ending up a bum on the welfare line.

Anyway thats just me. Since like Dukes' said we really do not know anymore than what it right here so it is hard to know what is the best advice to give to you. He may have been a bit heavy handed in the way he put it but he is right you need to look inside yourself. Your comments maybe knee jerk reaction to being pissed at the whole situation or it could also be that there other issues in your marriage that this job thing have brought to the surface.

Hope there is a happy ending to this problem however it works out for you.

My two cents worth.

I was laid off four years ago next Monday. I felt like a total loser and when I dealt with EI, the nice people there made it clear that I was wasting their time. Wouldn't even tell me what my rights or obligations were and I did not receive any help from them. I was at the point that I didn't care anymore and the thought of waking up and facing another day was pretty scary for me. Fortunately, my wife was very supportive and my old boss rehired me. While I'm working at a job I hate, I'm still working which is a help to me. I still have those days where I feel pretty worthless but it's "one day at a time" for me.

From what I have been reading in this thread, it sounds like you have two choices:

1) Get a divorce and cut all ties. Hopefully you won't get dragged down and you can be free to move on.

-- or --

2) Make a stand. Do you want your marriage to continue? Give the guy a week to clear his head and then get him job hunting. Give as much encouragement as possible but don't let him use this as an excuse to sit on his ass all day doing nothing (think Tough Love). And as for being a parent, I know far too many people who are parents (some single parents) and they have to work. Suggest counseling as there are a lot of groups around who can assist. Get him to do small jobs around the home and above all, take some time to have some fun. (Within reason of course).

Also, the advice that Squidgit provided is bang on! Don't let your credit rating go to hell and encourage your husband to do the same.

Good luck. After going through a job loss (especially after working for the same company for almost 14 years) I know it sucks! I hope things work out.

Bail!

Seriously. You don't have children with the guy. Cut your losses and get out while the getting's good. It's not going to get better. It never does.

any updates on this situation?

i just posted this twice.. sorry

Posted by vicexsquad any updates on this situation?

I have moved out.
Nearly 4 years of fighting is enough for me.

Posted by lexiphoto I have moved out. Nearly 4 years of fighting is enough for me.

Good move! And good luck in your new life!

Posted by lexiphoto I have moved out. Nearly 4 years of fighting is enough for me.

From one Lexi to another:

*Hug*

Things will look up, they always do.
Good luck with your new life!

Posted by lexiphoto I have moved out. Nearly 4 years of fighting is enough for me.

Excellent. Now, let's talk rebound fling.

Posted by White Rabbit Excellent. Now, let's talk rebound fling.

the best way to get over a man is to get under another--so they say.

You coming to Denver to help my rebound process? ;)

I visit Missouri a couple times a year...!

Posted by Lexi From one Lexi to another: *Hug* Things will look up, they always do. Good luck with your new life!

Thanks Lexi!

living alone is nice