So I hadn't smoked in four or five days (compared to my usual regimen of twice a day). It was looking like a sad week, but then my friend runs into me randomly and is like "Hey man I have 3 grams wanna go toke?"
So we went into this chill little graveyard. I was with three other people btw, though one didn't smoke because he's getting drug-tested. We finish off the bowl and I'm pretty high. My friend J though, who doesn't smoke much, was absolutely flambeed. We were walking down the street and he fell into a bush and thought it was eating him.
Me: "DUDE what the FUCK is wrong with you man?!"
J: "Oh wow man the bush is devouring me . . . help me man help me!"
(I try to pull him out but he's too heavy; he's actually drooling a bit)
R: "Alright J you stay here, we'll go get the bud and come back. You're way too stoned to be in public"
(yeah it was dickish but remember we were pretty high)
J: "No man I wanna go get some food"
Me: "You can't even stand up! How are you supposed to buy food?"
J: further nonsensical rambling
R: "Wait here. Horus just grab his money and we'll leave him at my bud's house"
(I start reaching into his pockets)
Then this guy walks up and thinks we were mugging him. That was pretty damn hilarious, though I totally see how he thought that (take his money and run man!!!) We apologized and such and he started acting a bit straighter, so we were going to this local burger restaraunt to get food.
Only we don't have money. Though the restaraunt does have free complimentary unsalted peanuts and dinnermints. We walk into it and grab a handful of each.
Clerk: "Um how may I help you gentlemen today?"
Me: "We're here to eat all your peanuts without buying anything" (yes that's exactly what I said)
(The clerk is kind of dumbfounded and we sit down at a table to start unwrapping the little mints)
Clerk: "Err you are aware that we can't just let you sit here and take advantage of our free services without buying anything?"
Me: "Well that's fine and dandy but what do you want me to do with all this shit"
Clerk: "I guess you can eat it just this one time . . ."
So then we finish eating and the entire table is covered in little plastic wrappings and chewed peanut shells. So we start cleaning up. I take huge handfulls and take them outside to the corner of the store and put them in the dumpster.
Clerk: "You know there's a trashcan right by your table . . ."
Me: "Oh yeah my bad man"
Then my friends haven't even finished eating theirs', so they start stuffing peanuts and mints into their pockets.
It was a good day, though I don't think we can go back there again
