Some of you already know that I filed for divorce in December after my husband shacked up in a hotel for 3 days partying with some low-life crack whore.

Since then, he has been crying, begging, and pleading his way back into my life. On a daily basis, he either comes over or calls to remind me how much he loves me, how sorry he is, blah blah blah. I've been bombarded with cards, money, flowers, groceries, gifts, and pretty much everything else you can think of from him over the last two months.

Then yesterday I found out that he never stopped seeing the crack whore. He's been telling her that he loves her and just to "hang in there" until the divorce is done until they can be together. So tell me why in the world he has been trying to claw his way back into his family for the last two months.

Even though I never regained trust for him and therefore was never going to take him back, it still stings nonetheless.

I imagine while he was trying to get me back, he was keeping her on the back burner in case it didn't work out. It sucks to be humiliated (with a crack whore no less) after you've been a good wife to someone for TWELVE years.

Fuck-tard.

Debi I wish I had an answer because I am looking for one myself. Sorry guys if this comes across wrong, it is gonna look like man bashing, maybe it is. Some of us bust our ass to be a good mom, wife and pitch in to do the 50/50 part. There is always some sleaze that is more appealing that gets the quality time and attention. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been better of being a crack whore. She is always the one smiling and benefiting from the effort I put into it. I have to keep telling myself she is more miserable than me just to keep my sanity. Hmmmm I wonder..........

Posted by Debi So tell me why in the world he has been trying to claw his way back into his family for the last two months.

Guys cheat for different reasons than women, generally. As opposed to women and love, sometimes, it's more often just wanting to try a different piece of ass.

Which means he's probably being honest that he does still have feelings for you and actually doesn't want to lose you. You shouldn't do it, of course--he's a scumbag. But he might very well mean the things he's saying.

Posted by White Rabbit Guys cheat for different reasons than women, generally. As opposed to women and love, sometimes, it's more often just wanting to try a different piece of ass. Which means he's probably being honest that he does still have feelings for you and actually doesn't want to lose you. You shouldn't do it, of course--he's a scumbag. But he might very well mean the things he's saying.

Damn WR I luv ya but what a typical guy answer. Now from a guy's point of view what is the motivation behind it.

Posted by shellyl Damn WR I luv ya but what a typical guy answer. Now from a guy's point of view what is the motivation behind it.

Yeah, it's a guy answer, but it's the truth.

And the motivation is pretty simple, but I don't if it's something most women completely "get."

You're a guy. You've been fucking the same thing for months, years, whatever. You see other women, and you think, "God I would like to see what that feels like." It's some sort of instinctual, base urge that all guys seem to have. Some caveman type-thing that we're programmed with to want to spread our seed around. (And unless they're gay, almost any guy who says he doesn't feel it is lying.) But most decent guys resist that urge. Then some don't.

Then what happens? Sometimes they get that new piece of ass, and the change of scenery is so great that they keep doing it for a while. Sometimes they bail out of their relationship, just over that piece of pussy being so different. Then other times they just go, "Fuck, that wasn't that great! Why did I do this?" And go slinking back to their wives.

This is not to say guys never cheat for love, by the way. But we're talking in generalities, and generally most guys cheat for the reason above.

Sure, I think he still loves me and wants his marriage to work out. But the honesty stops there. And that doesn't cut it for me.

We've discussed his "relationship" with this skank on numerous occassions. He even had her call me at one point to profess their innocence to me. She even encouraged me to stay married to my "wonderful husband".

And at the same time he's telling her he loves her and just stick around until the divorce is done. Except that he's so against this divorce going through, that he wouldn't accept service of his divorce complaint and then refused to file an answer with the court. Sounds like a fine case of "I want my cake and eat it too".

Or more like "I want a nice, presentable wife of good character as a showpiece and also a low-life crack whore to have fun with".

Shellyl: I can tell you that in my situation, my husband cheated for just that reason. I don't do drugs and I'm just a social drinker. He loves to party, drink, snort cocaine, you name it. He wants a woman to fill both parts of his life. Family guy and Party guy. Am I sensing that you may be going through something similar???

Posted by Debi Sounds like a fine case of "I want my cake and eat it too".

That's basically a good way of summing up how it is when most guys cheat.

They have a wife/girlfriend at home that they love and don't want to part with, but they REALLY REALLY want to have some different snatch to play with on the side and aren't decent enough to resist the urge.

I remember you discussing this Debi,and I wondered how it was going for you.

On the surface,it definitely sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it,too,and also that he has a bruised ego because you're refusing to take him back. For some reason,most cheaters seem to think that they're so damn fabulous,and that because they've left you in such an emotional wreck,that they seem sure that you'll 'get over it',if only to ease the pain you're in. Or the dreaded wanting to 'win' the guy back off of the other person they cheated with,guys (and girls) often love to see people fight over them. I really believe that they count on shit like that,because we've all heard of cases where these tactics actually work.

Just my opinion, and I hope it makes sense. Out of curiousity though,did you hear from a valid source that he still has the crack whore around,and has told her to wait it out? I could be wrong,but I'm wondering if that didn't come from the crackwhore herself,who just may be pissed that he's trying to get you back.

Posted by White Rabbit That's basically a good way of summing up how it is when most guys cheat. They have a wife/girlfriend at home that they love and don't want to part with, but they REALLY REALLY want to have some different snatch to play with on the side and aren't decent enough to resist the urge.

Exactly.

Stick to your guns Debi. The guy may love you but he doesn't want to remain faithful to you. That's pretty damned rotten on his part. You deserve better.

Good for you sticking to your guns... i know i prolly wouldnt be able to. I still.. like a pathedic lost puppy see my ex sometimes... who cheated on me and has/had a severe drinking problem. Im deseperately trying to find a way to move on but something keeps me running back to him every single time, its been going on for months. if i just picked up his phone and went through it im sure my little idealolgy of him would be shattered... maybe whats why i never did it, i love him too much.

ugh something better will come along, it always does... hang in there, dont let him win

Senseriffic, I hope you take your own advice. There is someone better out there for you also, don't waste anymore of your time on that guy.

I'm sticking to my guns for sure. And thankfully I'm not in a ball in the corner of the room crying; I'm pissed as hell and I hope never to see his face again. I've been preparing for this day for a while now, its so much easier to handle when its not a surprise.

With that being said, I will be fine. I own my house outright, and its in my name alone. I'll be okay financially, and spritually I will be at peace. Course, probably the best part is that I work for one of the most powerful divorce lawyers in my area!

It also helps that among our peers I am known to be an upstanding person. She, on the other hand is known as the "crack whore". I think the humiliation factor for him will be high. He told his best friend that OBVIOUSLY if he were given another chance, he would pick me and forget he even knew her.

Boo hoo baby!

Well put ladies (Debi & Senseriffic).

Let the asshole have the crack whore. You'll have your life and dignity.

Senseriffic, get counseling if you have to and move on with your life. You deserve better and the only way you'll get it is to wash your hands of your ex once and for all. Good luck to you.

Posted by rainman8889 Well put ladies (Debi & Senseriffic). Let the asshole have the crack whore. You'll have your life and dignity. Senseriffic, get counseling if you have to and move on with your life. You deserve better and the only way you'll get it is to wash your hands of your ex once and for all. Good luck to you.

Sometimes you hear a simple phrase that just sums it up and sticks in your head. This is one of them.

Thanx Rainman!

Posted by Debi Sometimes you hear a simple phrase that just sums it up and sticks in your head. This is one of them. Thanx Rainman!

You're very welcome.

I don't care what he says, this man has violated all fundamental trusts involved in marriage. He's neglected his obligation to respect you, and doesn't deserve your attention. Let him rot away with his crack whore.

Start dating rich lawyers.

That should teach your coke-snorting party boy something.

Tyralus; I love you.

Kubla; I may not be dating a rich lawyer, but I work at a law firm which has worked out just fine.

UPDATE: The crack-whore screwing party boy is currently serving 30 days in Bridgewater. And when he gets out, he's got a restraining order waiting for him.

And oh yeah, this great SOBER guy has been asking me out. Even though I have not accepted (yet) he happens to rank 24th in the top 100 power lifters on the East Coast. And from what I understand, nothing drives a guy more crazy than when his ex is dating someone who can kick his ass.

Sorry about your marriage. I don't buy the "dudes just want another sex partner." People cheat because their primary relationship isn't giving them something they need. Oftentimes it starts w/talk and escalates to physicality. Your story is sad, but you are in the right and you were faithful. Keep a chin up. Does the power-lifter lift over 9,000?

Posted by White Rabbit Yeah, it's a guy answer, but it's the truth. And the motivation is pretty simple, but I don't if it's something most women completely "get." You're a guy. You've been fucking the same thing for months, years, whatever. You see other women, and you think, "God I would like to see what that feels like." It's some sort of instinctual, base urge that all guys seem to have. Some caveman type-thing that we're programmed with to want to spread our seed around. (And unless they're gay, almost any guy who says he doesn't feel it is lying.) But most decent guys resist that urge. Then some don't. Then what happens? Sometimes they get that new piece of ass, and the change of scenery is so great that they keep doing it for a while. Sometimes they bail out of their relationship, just over that piece of pussy being so different. Then other times they just go, "Fuck, that wasn't that great! Why did I do this?" And go slinking back to their wives. This is not to say guys never cheat for love, by the way. But we're talking in generalities, and generally most guys cheat for the reason above.

WR, I think men try to think that women don't think that way. But they do. Ever watch Cheaters? Truth is, both men and women cheat. Equally. And both can be scumbags.

L

Posted by G to the Race Sorry about your marriage. I don't buy the "dudes just want another sex partner." People cheat because their primary relationship isn't giving them something they need. Oftentimes it starts w/talk and escalates to physicality. Your story is sad, but you are in the right and you were faithful. Keep a chin up. Does the power-lifter lift over 9,000?

Hmmm. Or the other way - they just don't "need" a relationship!

L