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 | Welcome to Mandarin!
entry by Avatar-X
3/4/2008 3:18 AM
| I totally just had the funniest fucking time of my life at Mandarin, the Chinese buffet restaurant chain. It was HILARIOUS.
As my friend and I walk in, three waitresses greet us with "Welcome to Mandarin!" ... IN UNISON! One of them leads us to our table, as what sounds like a recorded speech comes from her lips regarding today's specials. There's no emotion in her voice -- it sounds like she learned the speech by rote. Along the way, every single waiter or serving staff or busboy says "Welcome to Mandarin!" -- I think I was greeted 15 times just on the way to my table, sometimes several people in unison.
We sat down, and the waitress said our server would be right with us -- she barely finished her sentence before the server appeared out of the mist and read off a recorded list of the current wine specials ("The house wine is from California") and informed us that the prime rib was very tender today. Then she asked for our drink orders; I ordered Iced Tea, my friend ordered water. We blinked, and instantly another waitress was setting down water on the table. Before i could even giggle, my Iced Tea had arrived. My friend took a single sip from his glass, and the moment he put it back down on the table, a waitress appeared and refilled it.
As we stood up to get our first plates of food, no less than five serving staff greeted us "Welcome to Mandarin!" just on the way out of our seating area. In the buffet food area, I dared to cast a glance at the prime rib table, and the serving woman shot out from behind the counter with "Would you like prime rib?"
Back at our table, I had a single sip of iced tea, and the waitress instantly appeared and asked if I wanted a refill... "Er, um, not yet...!" As we ate, the serving staff hovered about the tables like buzzing flies, watching with shifty eyes, ready to refill our water or take our plates when we were done. My water was refilled 6 times in 5 minutes. It never got below the 4/5ths mark.
At the next table over, another patron was just leaving. Four serving staff said together, in unison, "Thank you and have a nice day!" We couldn't stop giggling, and some of the other people at the other tables noticed it too... I started saying "Welcome to Mandarin" to the other guests... they cracked up!
The instant I ate the last piece of prime rib on my plate and put my fork down, my plate was whisked away from under my nose. Later, when I was having ice cream, I had just put the bowl down when the waitress appeared, quickly removed the spoon from the bowl and set it on the table, and the bowl was gone.
As we stood up to leave, five staff said goodbye in unison. On the way out, no less than eight staff wished us a good night, and by the door a woman ambushed us with a basket of mints and a set of tongs, quickly dishing a mint into each of our hands.
Earlier, I said "Welcome to Mandarin!" to one of the floor managers. He stammered for a moment and them responded with "Welcome to Mandarin!" Apparently he hasn't been programmed for my response!
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in a restaurant before. Well worth my $15 meal.
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