My ex has been terrorizing me relentlessly. The son-of-a-bitch cheated on me any chance he could, but is pissed because he "thinks" I'm seeing somebody else. I told him that even if I was, at least I waited until the marriage was over. He took that as validation that I was seeing someone. Wacko.

Finally after about 1000 drive bys, of which he made sure to spin the tires of his super duty dump truck over my front lawn, and approximately 50 phone message which consisted of things like "you better put 5 locks on that door because I'm coming in . . . blah blah blah" I went to get a restraining order.

NOW, this is what I'm PISSED about. The cop told me that "driving by my house, peeling out in my yard, and annoying voice messages do not constitute giving out a restraining order". While he was telling me this, my ex starts screaming over my 2-way nextel phone about what a bitch I am, and he's "gonna take care of this." At that point, you could clearly hear him smashing glass of some sort over the phone. Minutes later, my daughter called (while I was still at the police station) to tell me how he smashed a bunch of pictures up against our glass door, and she doesn't know if its just picture frames or the door that was smashed. Now the cop is hearing all of this. He looks at me and says "Is your husband the son of so-n-so?" I said yes. He said "They are really nice people". And he walked away. Are you fucking kidding me?!

And let me just say that I didn't go into the station acting like a crying, screaming lunatic. I'm a firm believer in good social engineering skills. I simply stated that I had children in my house and we were being put in fear of his near-psychotic behavior. I also mentioned that this behavior began at 9:30 in the morning. And it was now 8:00 that night.

Just a perfect example of its all who you know. Nice.

You should be happy, you have a 6 figure lawsuit on your hands at the very least. This is your pay day!

Document EVERYTHING and get a good attorney.

You are so paid

Wow,he just can't believe that you have enough self respect to not take him back,huh? I'm with maypost,document everything. And I would be going back to the station to see if you can talk to someone else,this guy is up to some scary stuff. The more he gets away with it,I'm afraid that it'll escalate.

I left the father of my kids years ago over the same crap and it was only when he threw me down with our baby in my arms that I was able to get anything done about him. He used to follow me on the street (my kids remember us hiding in a friggen' laundromat to hide from him)and when he was finally charged and such,things calmed down some (as in he was more careful to not let others see what he was up to). In the end,my daughter spent her fifth birthday in a shelter,we were there for three weeks.

Best of luck to you Debi,that cop is an asshole.

Why women choose such dicks is beyond me. No offense to the women in question.

Posted by fedge Why women choose such dicks is beyond me. No offense to the women in question.

Women with no self confidence love being treated like a piece of shit. No offense to the women in question.

So true..
This one chick I know had been with this one guy for 2 years.. he hit her, told her she could never get anyone else and cheated on her. She left him and now she's back with him again. She even said she thinks she doesn't deserve better!

Agreed with what Maypost and Wiccan said to you. That's harassment and threatening.

Contact the newspapers and let them know what's happening. Make sure you have the cop's badge number and then file a complaint. That asshole cop has no business wearing the uniform since he obviously doesn't want to do his job because your ex's family are 'nice people'.


Good luck Debi. Document everything and stick to your guns!

Not to hijack Debi's thread and I can't speak for her but in my case,just a clarification;

I had just turned seventeen and had a two month old baby at the time I met my ex,who was 23. Being freshly on my own,I met him and he decided that I needed someone to 'take care of me'. His odd and violent behavior didn't turn up until well into the relationship,though out of the six or so years we were together,we maybe lived together two years total,and had two children. That's how long it took me to get the guts,maturity,not to mention criminal charges, to rid myself of him for good.

I didn't 'choose' him,he chose me,believe it. I moved out of the city,dated other people,did everything I could to get him away from me,but I didn't have the confidence or the smarts to completely get away. And having mutual children adds a whole new dynamic as well.

Has any male here had to endure and be afraid of someone who was a complete psycho,outweighs you by maybe a hundred pounds,had nothing better to do but stalk you,threaten you and try to make your life hell for years on end?

It's a valid question for people to wonder why women 'put up' with this,but often there's so many circumstances beneath the surface. Unless one were to experience exactly what Debi's been dealing with,we don't know all the hows and whys.

No offense taken,just thought I'd throw in my two cents,smiley inserted ~

Posted by Wiccan Not to hijack Debi's thread and I can't speak for her but in my case,just a clarification; Has any male here had to endure and be afraid of someone who was a complete psycho,outweighs you by maybe a hundred pounds,had nothing better to do but stalk you,threaten you and try to make your life hell for years on end? No offense taken,just thought I'd throw in my two cents,smiley inserted ~

A couple of my friends did. One's dead now and the other one finally moved away after his wife took up with another guy. The one that died just stopped taking care of himself because of the hell his ex-wife put him through in both the courts and in public. His diabetes got out of control and killed him. He got to the point that he didn't care anymore.

No black and white in any relationships for sure. Too many shades of gray there Wiccan and you're right, before saying anything, it is a very good idea to get the full picture.

As for people staying in abusive relationships (both male and female), the abusers know how to break down a person's confidence to the point they find it almost impossible to make a clean break. It takes a lot of courage and strength to get out.

Posted by vicexsquad So true.. This one chick I know had been with this one guy for 2 years.. he hit her, told her she could never get anyone else and cheated on her. She left him and now she's back with him again. She even said she thinks she doesn't deserve better!

She's right. Every woman knows that she doesn't have to put up with that these days.

I can understand in the old days, where women were totally dependent on their man for support, but now women are supposed to be able to be independent. If kids are involved the whole thing changes, especially without the support of good friends and family.

If that's how she feels, then she doesn't deserve better. A confident woman would get out of there, real quick.

Posted by KONG She's right. Every woman knows that she doesn't have to put up with that these days. I can understand in the old days, where women were totally dependent on their man for support, but now women are supposed to be able to be independent. If kids are involved the whole thing changes, especially without the support of good friends and family. If that's how she feels, then she doesn't deserve better. A confident woman would get out of there, real quick.

In an ideal world this would work KONG. Sadly, this is not an ideal world. A person's history (example, being abused as a child or coming from a broken home) can leave them with little to no confidence. That's what the abusers exploit and that's why they home in on people with little to no confidence. Also, there's still a stigma about being abused especially for men. Even though this is 2008, there are families who still insist on the old concept of staying in a marriage even though one partner is abusive.

No one deserves to be abused and no one loves being treated like a piece of shit. They've had their confidence wrecked which ends up acting like a mental chain that is holding them back which is what the abusers use to keep their control.

I'm not arguing with you. I agree completely.

Even further to your statement, women very often leave one abusive relationship and get into another.

Debi, to put this thread back on the rails... I assume you went to the local authorities? Amp it up and go to the state police and make sure that you inform them that the locals wanted nothing to do with helping you.

Debi, I think your ex and that cop should be taught some friggin' respect for women and general etiquette lessons. I don't know your exact details but it's clear you are being disrespected by both these men. I sincerely do hope your path takes you somewhere happier and with someone you can love, trust and respect and that can love, trust and respect you too. You deserve nothing less.

The problem with the whole situation is the guy is probably related to the perpetrator. Usually that's a big problem.
The thing with where I live is that we can choose to call the state troopers or the local police.
The state troopers are idiots and assholes, granted, but you're more likely to get a fair shake from them than you are the locals...because here, they come from different areas of the state and don't know anyone here. Most of them come from the city here and are relocated here for some reason.
As to the law suit issue...I know a good attorney if you're near NY. Damn good attorney, one that doesn't like to lose. You've got a good case, I'm surprised your divorce attorney won't take it, or at least help you get a restraining order.

Shael

Thanks for everyones response. Let me be first be clear that I'm not one of those women who believes I should be treated this way. I don't lack self respect or self esteem. Once I found out my husband was a cheater, we seperated. I have since filed for divorce.

With that being said, it doesn't matter if the woman has no self respect, self esteem, or keeps choosing to be with losers. If she goes to the authorities for help because she is in fear and has children in the house, she should be helped.

Nicely enough, I work at a law firm. I went to the courthouse yesterday and got a restraining order through the judge himself. I made sure to mention how I was treated at the police station and by whom. Whether anything comes out of it or not is to be seen.

Course, its a double-edged sword. While I was leaving the courthouse, another cop (who is a friend of mine) said "Be careful who you attack in the police department. You may need them someday and they'll make sure they take their sweet time getting to you".

BTW Wiccan, sounds like you've been through your share turmoil. I hope your life is peaceful now!

Posted by Debi Course, its a double-edged sword. While I was leaving the courthouse, another cop (who is a friend of mine) said "Be careful who you attack the police department. You may need them someday and they'll make sure they take their sweet time getting to you".

fuck that.
all the more reason to lay waste with a legal fucking flamethrower.

Posted by KONG I'm not arguing with you. I agree completely. Even further to your statement, women very often leave one abusive relationship and get into another.

Exactly. True, so very sadly true.

Posted by Samurai fuck that. all the more reason to lay waste with a legal fucking flamethrower.

No kidding.

Debi, stick to your guns. Here's hoping things work out for you.

Debi, you need to tell the cops, or DA's office that you are in fear of your life.

Don't you have stalking laws in your state?

Never underestimate your enemy.


-edit-

oops. Missed your last post. Good deal
Person deserves peace and quiet at home.

Hopefully your ex will find someone new to menace romance.