. . . or maybe I'm just fine the way I am.

Condensed version: my ex-husband and I split after he spent 3 nights away from home with some douchebag, partying in a hotel. I threw him out; a week before Christmas and filed for divorce on Christmas Eve. Yeah, THAT sucked. Especially since I had absolutely no idea what was coming. The afternoon before he "left" we spent the day cooking dinner together and hanging christmas decorations.

Fast forward 7 months (today). After adamantly denying any involvement with her whatsoever; on top of HIM and everyone else I know telling me what a complete douchebag loser she is; I find out that he took my little girl to the Fourth of July parade with her.

I am furious. Am I wrong? I look at this woman as a homewrecking piece of shit. She knows me, and she knew I was married, and yet she had an affair with my husband and then called me to deny it all. Saying that she knew I was sick (I have a large inoperable tumor in my liver) and that she would never do that to another woman. Not to mention that she's a pill popping, crack smoking, drunk.

I know we are both going to move on and other people into our lives.
I will not keep my little girl from my ex husband. He helped raise her and I respect that. Yet, it makes me sick to think of her around that bitch. (She's not my biological little girl, I am her guardian). I have her because her parents are crackheads. So why on earth would I want to have another one introduced into her life! The court gave me custody of her to keep her AWAY from people like her.

I'm just want to make good decisions. I'm trying not to let the fact that she was a huge factor in my marriage ending to interefere, but I'm no emotional superhero. This woman reeked havoc in my life, tore up my family and she's a crackhead to boot.

Guess I'm just venting, and looking for some non-biased opinions to help balance me out.

As much as I understand your POV in this, you should probably drop this one. If you do in fact want your ex-husband to be a part of you daughter's life. Then whoever he is involved with will be part of her life as well. This is an unavoidable fact. You can set guidelines, things like please do not smoke around her, don't use profanity, and don't be intoxicated around her. But you have to be reasonable, taking her to a 4th of july community celebration is probably not out of bounds.

I am sure you know this deep down inside but, it would be a disaster to hold any grudge against him or his new woman. Sure, she may be a pill popping, crack smoking slut. But she is still(for the moment, and as much as it sucks...maybe for a long time) a part of this girl's life. This means that you will have to swallow some pride and be civil around her and your ex, but MUCH MUCH more importantly...Never speak a word against them when your daughter could hear it. If she starts to hear bad things about "daddy's new friend", this is the first step to her hating her father. Trust me, not matter how mad you are, you do not want this. You will regret that in the future.

This last bit may be very sobering. This crackhead chick is now family. As much as you want to deny it, she is your ex's girlfriend. That means that in some way, your daughter views her as family. If the kid sees someone as family, they are family and as a parent you always have to keep that in mind. I know it hurts and makes you mad, but you need to get past this. Not for you, not for him, and not for the other woman...but for your kid.

David, I appreciate and understand your point of view; but I'm not sure you understand the entire dynamics of the situation.

I know that as much as it would suck to accept a woman who helped ruin my marriage and my family; I understand your point entirely that I would have to swallow hard and accept it the best I can. Because at this point, my only interest should be how she interacts and treats my little girl.

If I wasn't clear in my first post, "my little girl" is actually my niece who I am the guardian of. Therefore, my husband is her uncle. She is four and I've had her since she was an infant. I was awarded custody of her because her parents are crackheads. I took an oath to raise and protect this child from exactly the kind of people this "woman" is.

Believe me, like I said before, I'm not emotional superhero. I'll admit I hate this woman and my husband for what they did to me and my family. But thats not why I don't want her around my niece. I have reasonable concerns, not just emotional ones. All name calling aside, she IS a crackhead. Her car sits in front of the bar in my neighborhood all day long and she's unable to keep a job because when she goes on a "binge", she just blows off work. Her husband had her committed into a treatment program (yes, she's married) and the day she got out she got shitfaced and totalled her car. Her own kids were taken away from her from the Department of Social Services. Within two months of my husband dating her, HE almost lost his job, his house got foreclosed on, and he went to jail. My nieces own father (crackhead) has partied with this woman on many occassions and told me that HE doesn't even want his daughter near this woman. She was banned from the bar that my cousin is the manager of for selling drugs and the owner of the bar called her a "toxic" person.

THAT is my dilemma. I know I have to accept whoever my ex brings into his life as its not my right to disagree with it, no matter how I feel about it emotionally. But this little girl was put in my care to protect her from people like my husband's girlfriend.

The parade was no big deal, I agree. I'm thinking of how to handle this situation in the future.

Have you considered asking your daughter/niece what SHE wants? (Not to be rude; most people don't think of it.)

Debi,

You seem to have circumstances that go outside of the typical divorce situation. Usually you would have to 'suck-it-up' with whomever your husband decides to partner with because that is his decision. In that case, your daughter will be exposed to the other woman, and you shouldn't say anything. In your situation, I completely agree with you... if this woman is a physical or moral threat to your daughter, you have the right to refuse access to her. When you and your husband were together, you both had the right to decide if someone wasn't going to be included in your daughters life.... there is no difference now, either of you has the individual right to refuse someone access. Now you need to excercise that right, involve the police if you have to, but be prepared to show cause.

I'm also very sorry to hear about your tumour, is it cancer? Nevermind, that is private. I wish you the best, these are some tough situations for your family.

Yes, I've certainly had more than my share of drama during my divorce. And sometimes I wonder about how much I should post on here. (But this IS the pissed off forum, isn't it)

But in the end, its always nice to see so many different peoples point of view; especially people who really don't know the parties personally. UER has a great vast of ages, ideas, lifestyles, etc, and I've certainly gotten a lot of good feedback from posting on here.

With that being said, I've decided that the visits he has with my niece will be held at his mothers only. That way, she still gets to spend time with him and he would NEVER bring the douchebag to his mothers house.

BTW, my tumor is not cancerous. But it's already quite large (about the size of the palm of my hand) and still growing. Since its inoperable, it will eventually pose quite a problem if they can't find a way to stop it from getting larger. Thanks for your concern.

You wanna feel better? Call me.