I would just like to start this off by saying that I lost my daughter Amanda several years ago in a drowning accident that should have never happened. I spent several years going to workshops trying to cope with this loss and still deal with it in a daily basis. I won't go into a lot of it now because I have the feeling those things will come out in discussions within this forum.

Please feel free to express what ever you need to and do not feel that you will ostracized for anything you say, because it will not be tolerated on here.

Thank you ophelia - I'll let shellyl know about this forum too. I know it's not the same, but before the birth of our daughter, we struggled with infertility and I had two miscarraiges - one at 6 weeks and one at nearly 4 months.

Now that we have our daughter and almost lost her - coping with the earlier losses has been even harder, because I now know what I was missing.

I'm glad this forum was made. I hope it can help others get out what they need to get out and that we can all offer unbiased, caring support.

Thank you both for the kind words and a place to go when I need it. I am however not sure that UER is the right place. The very few times that I have mentioned this outside a private board I have been trashed for it. I am trashed enough over the loss of my son and anymore of it I am not sure I am able to take without being downright mean.

If this board is still available when I feel the time is right to say anything else maybe I will, but right now it is better that I keep my pain to places that are not so open to the bashing that just anyone from UER can access. There are few that I trust with my feelings from here and for good reason and I guess I will share with you privately for now.

I consider myself extremely fortunate in that I have not had to go through many significant losses, but I still grieve my mother almost daily, after 3 and a half years.

And the thought that is bringing me to tears, even as I type this, is that my children will not get to know her, and that she never got to know them, all the more so because I credit her total and unconditional love as one of the strongest influences in how I am raising my kids.

my husband (after the birth of our first child) has been overwhelmed with emotion too because his children won't get to know his father (he committed suicide a few years ago).

having our own children just makes us realize how important leaving a legacy is...we want to give them the beautiful words/love/teachings that we got.

Nice to see some like minded people. I don't make the loss of Austin my main focus in life, I just can't. Even though he was only 9 I know he would not have wanted me sad all the time.

It is too bad that people can't just bypass without comment on certain things. It is ok for us to mention it now and again when the need arises. I will not apologize for my feelings and my need to keep him close. People bring up long gone abandonments and give well wishes to others explorer's families they never knew or loved but trash me over mentioning my son. He explored with me and often pointed out places for me to check out. He was a little explorer in the making.

I have no idea where this was meant to go. I am sure that a few of you understand the feelings that prompted this.

Sorry I have not been active on this thread like I wanted to be the past few days. Caring for my mother and now another family member is in for cardiovascular surgery, I have had my hands full. Hopefully today or this evening, I have some great things to share with you all. Hugs to you all.

Looking forward to it but take the time you need for yourself. You have been a very busy lady.

Thanks so much Carole for starting this forum.

It's hard for someone to relate to a loss if they never suffered a tragedy. I think that people bash other's because of their own fears. When you voice your feelings & emotions of something so sacred as a personal loss, its a lot for someone to handle. If that makes any sense.

Anyways, I'm so sorry to hear of everyones loss. My heart & prayers go out to you & our family.

It will be 7 years in November I lost my mom. It doesn't get any easier s much as I try to come to terms with it. I'm tired of hearing from my family & friends say... Lynn, it's been 7 years.. you need to get over it & let go. When my Mom died, a part of me did too as she was my everything. I don't know how to get over it or let go! I have tried but i miss her so much.

Anwyays, Thanks everyone for being so open with some of your grief & loss.
There is a certain comfort in knowing there are people who understand because they have been there also. It's like some secret club that no one wants to talk about or listen to. I'm not very good at words so I hope no one is insulted by my post.


Thanks.

Posted by GotPaisley Thanks so much Carole for starting this forum. It's hard for someone to relate to a loss if they never suffered a tragedy. I think that people bash other's because of their own fears. When you voice your feelings & emotions of something so sacred as a personal loss, its a lot for someone to handle. If that makes any sense. Anyways, I'm so sorry to hear of everyones loss. My heart & prayers go out to you & our family. It will be 7 years in November I lost my mom. It doesn't get any easier s much as I try to come to terms with it. I'm tired of hearing from my family & friends say... Lynn, it's been 7 years.. you need to get over it & let go. When my Mom died, a part of me did too as she was my everything. I don't know how to get over it or let go! I have tried but i miss her so much. Anwyays, Thanks everyone for being so open with some of your grief & loss. There is a certain comfort in knowing there are people who understand because they have been there also. It's like some secret club that no one wants to talk about or listen to. I'm not very good at words so I hope no one is insulted by my post. Thanks.

I am sorry to hear of your loss to. You are right and everyone is different. We all heal in our own ways.

Your words are perfect.

Thank you

Posted by shellyl I am sorry to hear of your loss to. You are right and everyone is different. We all heal in our own ways. Your words are perfect. Thank you

Thanks so much!

people really say the stupidest things.

sorry about losing your mom. i'm fortunate enough to not know what that is like - my husband lost his father, tragically - a few years back. i can't imagine how hard it must be to lose your parent.

much love and hugs

This was the last thing I expected when I decided to become a member of this UER website.

I am not much of a joiner, but I felt compelled to become a full member on this site. I was drawn to the exploring, photos, member interaction. People seemed to care about one another! I liked that.

Once I got full membership, and after awhile, I stumbled upon this forum. My parent both died 9 years ago, seems like yesterday. I think of them every day and I miss them, God do I miss them.

It is little things, such as joining this website, finding this forum, this thread, that show me that I am not quite healed, but am getting better, thru the help of others that have suffered significant losses in their lives also.

Ophie, I am so very sorry for your loss, thanks for thinking of other sufferers even during your own time of suffering. Thanks for posting all the links and info that you have. Thanks for approving My full membership! I needed to be able to find your thread.
Thanks,
Randall.

It has been 12 years this past month and for the first time I have felt such anger. I feel so cheated on what our lives would have been. It doesn't seem to get any better. Or I have been lying to myself all these years saying I am OK. I am OK. Well, I am NOT OK. All I can ask is why. Just why.

It has only been 2 years for me, since my lovely daughter passed away...I can't say that I feel cheated, just sad. I was blessed to enjoy her company for a mere 26 years, and I am a better person for that experience. I miss her always, every day, all day. I am also blessed to have her younger sister, and a beautiful 7 year old grand-daughter to help me keep her memory alive. We speak of her as a living person, because in our hearts, she is alive. I know that she is happy, healthy, and both mentally and spiritually whole, finally; and, for that, I will be eternally grateful. 1.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is an agonizing feeling to lose a child at any age.

I am curious if you have done any grief counseling or support groups and if so how they have helped you. If you feel more comfortable privately, please PM me.

I have not gone to any formal grief counseling groups per say...however, her death came after a long struggle with bi-polar disorder and substance abuse. She had been off her drug of choice, meth, for somewhere around a year and a half. She was, unfortunately, huffing aerosol duster, the night she died. There comes a time that you can no longer "babysit" your child...
I do have, and have been blessed to have always had, a large support group, family, friends and co-workers, to include my superiors, who have understood and comforted me through the sometimes nightmarish journey that she choose for her life.
I did seek out groups, NAMI, Bi-Polar support groups, and more than a few drug abuse support groups. I watched as the lack of appropriate medical care resulted in her self medication with anything and everything she could get her hands on out there on the streets. I had to accept that my attempts to have an adult, who was hurting nobody but herself, held against her will to be righfully unattainable. She had done another stint, her longest, in jail, and had been living with her father...for about a year and a half when she died.
She had a great job that she loved. She was talking about going back to college. She was, to her dis-advantage, very intelligent; certainly smarter than her old Mom, here. Had a boyfriend, who loved her despite everything, and then one day....
I have never, for one moment, thought, or believed for that matter, that when our bodies die, we cease to exist.....
I believe our children are gifts, and that in return we strive to bring them up and share their lives in a way that will encourage them to be a gift to everyone they meet, and I believe my daughter strived to do just that, in her own way.
I learned things from her that I would never have learned any other way, and I AM a better person for having her in my life. And, I believe she lives on.