Why are they all get it done and fast during sex?
I mean, I like taking my time, I'd lay there all night long, but why on earth is it that guys want to just orgasm and afterwards, they fall asleep or fake sleeping so that they don't have to hold you or talk to you?
We've been together about a year and it happens like that almost every time. It's not that he doesn't love me, I know that's not true and I know it's a great expenditure of energy, but am I the only one seeing this or is it that way with every guy?
I thought it was because men usually get one good shot and women get several, but I'm being told that that may not be the case.
Anyone have any answers?

Shael

Posted by Shael Why are they all get it done and fast during sex? I mean, I like taking my time, I'd lay there all night long, but why on earth is it that guys want to just orgasm and afterwards, they fall asleep or fake sleeping so that they don't have to hold you or talk to you? We've been together about a year and it happens like that almost every time. It's not that he doesn't love me, I know that's not true and I know it's a great expenditure of energy, but am I the only one seeing this or is it that way with every guy? I thought it was because men usually get one good shot and women get several, but I'm being told that that may not be the case. Anyone have any answers? Shael

Because everything after an orgasm is boring.

Posted by Shael Why are they all get it done and fast during sex? I mean, I like taking my time, I'd lay there all night long, but why on earth is it that guys want to just orgasm and afterwards, they fall asleep or fake sleeping so that they don't have to hold you or talk to you?

Wow, I'm not even a guy, and you just described me. ha

Posted by Shael Why are they all get it done and fast during sex? I mean, I like taking my time, I'd lay there all night long, but why on earth is it that guys want to just orgasm and afterwards, they fall asleep or fake sleeping so that they don't have to hold you or talk to you? We've been together about a year and it happens like that almost every time. It's not that he doesn't love me, I know that's not true and I know it's a great expenditure of energy, but am I the only one seeing this or is it that way with every guy? I thought it was because men usually get one good shot and women get several, but I'm being told that that may not be the case. Anyone have any answers? Shael

If by "shot" you mean "orgasm", then yes, that is true about 99% of men.

And because after sex all the during-sex feelings dissappear like <snap> except for a contented feeling. Which leads to sleep.

That's not really the case.. If you don't like it though just find someone else.. Just because the current guy is one way doesn't mean all guys are.. Up the standards..

Everyone is different, boys and girls. You seem to have a generalized view of men. Instead, try looking at everyone as individuals, regardless of the sex.

Posted by ryan Everyone is different, boys and girls. You seem to have a generalized view of men. Instead, try looking at everyone as individuals, regardless of the sex.

yeah, ryan's a cuddle whore.

1. Be happy if he still wants to have sex with you if he thinks you're going to broadcast reports of his performance afterwards. (he is a guy though, so chances are he will be willing even if he's still sulking).


2.

Posted by Shael . . .I like taking my time, I'd lay there all night long. .

Maybe you shouldn't be so lazy in the sac, even a little effort on the womans part will go a long way! It's fun but sweaty work, try letting him 'lay there all night long' you'll see. (and after airing his dirty laundry in public like this, I'd say you owe it to him!)

3. We (Men), don't get just one good shot, each one after (2nd, 3rd. . .) is better, and if we have enough left to knock out any more (>2), we're lucky if we don't end up with a leg cramp and a lazy eye. (it's worth it!) (but it'll only happen once if you (as his partner) don't put in the extra effort.)

And no, sadly you are not the only one seeing this, a girl I used to be with, if she had hers first, I was on my own afterwards, and she was the one more likely to want to nap! (And I was doing the majority of the 'work')

At least it sounds like you're interested in making some kind of improvement, (with him I hope).

Take some responsibility, we are all ultimately responsible for our own orgasms, it's how we share them that make them more worthwhile.

So, best of luck, and happy whatever-ing!




_{I can't believe I responded to this thread}

I'm in no way defending guys on this... my ex husband was the same way. (The ex part doesn't really have anything to do with this, though....) and in the beginning we cuddled afterwards almost always. After about a year, we didn't.

I don't think it was so much him not wanting to cuddle... well maybe it was, but not because he was being lazy or selfish... it just wasn't new anymore and I think maybe cuddling goes along with the 'new' part of the relationship. Maybe it's just him being used to you.

That doesn't make it right, by any means. I mean, he got what he needed to feel good, (the squirt part) and maybe if you're lucky you got to as well, but maybe you need to be held afterward to feel completely satisfied. Guys don't get that part. I guess since you know he loves you, and he knows YOU know, he doesn't feel the need to show it as much or in the same ways he did in the beginning of the relationship.

Maybe if you tell him you really need to feel that again, and even though you know he loves you, you'd like for him to show it by holding you after sex, he will. Don't be accusing or anything, because who wants to be held by some guy grumbling and in a bad mood? You can always catch more flies with honey as my grandma used to say, and it's right. Don't tell him how to do it, or tell him it's what you want so it must be done... just tell him that you feel like having that warmth and security after you guys are done again, like in the beginning. .... which makes me think of something else. . . .

Maybe guys do it in the beginning to give us a sense of security, to tell us 'Hey, I'm not going anywhere... you're safe with me' because it's a fact that guys feel the need to protect, while women feel the need to nurture. Maybe after it's proven by marriage that they're not going anywhere, something in their subconscious flips off the cuddle switch.

Largely I would say it depends on the person, Some girls hate to cuddle, some guys love to cuddle.. Maybe the guys that hate it just choose to do it anyways as one of the extra steps and games that comes with a new relationship, after you have the prize theres no need to keep going the extra mile.. Talk to him, figure it out.. thats all you can do about it..

I think in my case, it's that he's not into it. Getting him to hold my hand somewhere other than a dark movie theater or the car takes an act of God usually.

I know he loves me, I don't have to ask, he'll make sure I hear it at least once when we're on the phone, when he drops me off at night or when we're umm...together.

The main reason I asked this is because I wanted to see what kind of answers I'd get.

I'm not a cold fish in bed, far from it in fact.

I asked because I wanted to see what folks would say. So far, I've gotten all kind of answers.

I'm guessing the consensus so far is that most guys aren't in for that part of it, which is fine. I just wanted to see how true what he said to me was the other night was. So far, he's batting a thousand.

Shael

I personally love to cuddle. But not immediately after sex... First and foremost because I'm suddenly aware it's about 300 degrees in the room, and I'm usually soaked in sweat/ladyjuice. Totally not a nice feeling to have that pressed against you.

Second.... for some reason I almost always have to take a piss afterward. Let me go pee and towel off, then I'll come back and cuddle. Sheesh!

I guess it also depends on stuff like mood and duration. If I'm in it to win it marathon style, I'm gonna be exhausted afterward! Let me catch my breath and calm down afterward, that shit is tiring! If it's just a quickie I'm usually fine right away, not sweaty or anything. On the other side, if we're gonna spend all day in bed, like a full 6-12 hours, then I'm usually fine too because I know my sheets are getting changed and we're taking a shower at the end of it all. And then I'll probably cook some awesome dinner and we can order a movie or something while we eat. But yeah, then we can certainly cuddle in between the bouts of sex/fun stuff.



Wait... where the hell did I just go with this.....

My hand never wants to cuddle.

True love

Okay Shael, how does this work? Do you and Samurai have an agreement not to read each other's posts or something?

To answer your question, my boyfriend enjoys showering after (in typical germaphob fashion) (i'm dirty ;););) lololol). But he'll still cuddle for at least a little after BUSINESS TIME.

Yeah, for the most part that guys I've been with love cuddling after.

I cuddle after business time

Posted by Skold Okay Shael, how does this work? Do you and Samurai have an agreement not to read each other's posts or something? To answer your question, my boyfriend enjoys showering after (in typical germaphob fashion) (i'm dirty ;););) lololol). But he'll still cuddle for at least a little after BUSINESS TIME.

To answer your question. We live apart, about a mile apart. This is one private board that I'm on that he's not. As far as I'm aware of anyway.

We don't share computers, he's only used my pc once. I don't use his pc. Sadly, using his pc would be like slumming, at least for me anyway. It's performed faithfully for him, but for me, it's too low tech and doesn't have half of what I need in a computer to be happy, mine does. He refuses, for now, to upgrade, so I don't see what he writes unless it's on a board we're both on and vice versa.

He knows I like the cuddling part, but usually after sex is over, we don't, unless he wants to go to sleep, then he rolls over and goes to sleep, I end up with my nose buried in his back. It was his bright idea to have me ask that silly question. Sad thing is, he's right.

Shael

Although I understand most guys to be that way, I have definately been with my share of "cuddlers".

I had one guy who would turn the tv on within minutes of us being finished, and that was probably the worst.

I don't like to cuddle after "hot sweaty sex" either. I like to grab a cold bottle of water out of the fridge, and lay side by side under the ceiling fan, "reviewing" how awesome that just was; maybe holding hands.

Posted by David Dong My hand never wants to cuddle. True love

Exactly. AND it will cook me a cheeseburger/grab me a beer after sex. Find a woman who will do this. Voluntarily.

I would definately grab you a beer; doubt I'd cook you anything though. Maybe I would make you a sandwich . . . . .