Scientology (alternative spelling: cult) is the practice of slathering one's anus with battery acid and allowing a rare Mexican illness to enter through the back door. It is commonly found in the jungles of Cleveland, Ohio where it bonds itself to people named Matt Millen, due to their malignant cases of mild-strain nutrient-rich retardation. Scientology is also the second and third ranking religions of the nations of Yemen, Luxembourg, and the Washington Nationals. On its spare time, Scientology likes to verbally molest the hell out of famous Hollywood actors, who are notoriously known for being dumber than an old Jewish bitch at a Vegas casino. Scientology comes in many forms, including X-Large, Purple, and Whopper Jr. It is strange, untalented, and was completely unaware that Clay Aiken liked to attend sporting events with a foam finger that read "Penis!" on it until just now. It is slow as fuck. And related by marriage to the Lava Lamp.

The organization helps people achieve the goal of shedding their thetans by leading them through a series of stages, or "levels" (often abbreviated lvl). On achieving lvl20, a $cientologist sheds his body thetans and gains Super Strength, Invulnerability, Invisibility, the ability to Fly, Immortality and Heat Rays that come out of his ass. There is an apparent lvl21 but no one has reached it because no one has found the Magestaff with +6 'give money to go on the big ship' skill. Also, at this point the $cientologist is taught the Super Hidden Secret. He/she/they also shed all their money which teleported into the bank accounts of the Scientology organization.

Followers of Scientology are scientists, not to be confused with scientologists.

Also, Tom Cruise is heterosexual. He is also believed to be the secret love child between L'ron Hubbourd and George Michael. (This exclusively written in the secret book of Scientology)

Insert "yeah, baby, baby" in there a few times, and you could have some catchy song lyrics.

Wow.




What else is there to say......