Can someone help me out? - Thread - Urban Exploration Resource

What I think happened is you overwhelmed him. It's quite easy to do to anybody who has/might have feelings for you. Without knowing how long you've known john, how long you've been just friends, or how long you've felt you love him/he loves you back... I'll say you rushed too much.

I know you're young, but I'm not going to make light of that to say you don't know what love is, etc. etc. blah, blah, whatever you'll hear a million times. That helps nothing, and you won't believe it, so it's pointless. But what I will say is that you probably use the word wayyyy too much, and I'll tell you why.

Ask yourself what love means to you. Is it just that feeling of happiness that you get when you're with somebody? Or is it more? The word love is passed around so uselessly nowadays. That word describes what is supposed to be the most powerful emotion in the entire fucking universe.

And it's real. Love, real love the way it's supposed to be, is something that can bring you to your knees, drench your clothes, pillows, and sheets in tears... Or lift you so fucking high into life that you feel truly enlightened to the world and everything around it, to a point where almost nothing can harm you. It is unfathomable, and to use it with such low gravity is almost an insult, when you're trying to give it meaning.

Not to say the word love can't be used on a smaller scale, I suppose. But when you're looking for something real, and you want it to have meaning... Don't use that word until you are positive that's what you feel.

Definition past, what you're doing is expecting too much too fast. You've been friends with John long enough to be comfortable with him, long enough to do things with him that, like you say, are usually only reserved for couples. But that is not always the case. John says you're one of his best friends ever, and you probably feel the same. You are mentally, emotionally, and possibly physically attracted to each other, at least in a basic sense. You wouldn't be friends without some sort of attraction. The logical answer to feelings like this, in this situation, might be to try to make that person yours, so you don't lose those feelings and can maybe let them evolve unimpeded.

What you have to understand is that there are so many factors involved in being in a relationship, so much so that making the move into one, or attempting to make it when neither of you are ready, can destroy what was there. There is pressure there, and it can be enough to cause somebody to purge those feelings out of sheer inability to cope.

I could spend days continuing to write about this, but I think you just needed to know some basics, and I feel I've said enough for now, this post grows long. So I'll just tell you what you need to do.

Stop it. Just stop trying to do whatever it is you are trying to do. The harder you try in situations like this, the more you will cause feelings of alienation and desperation to make it work. You and John are friends now, yet there's still that extra bit of affection there that makes your mind reel. Consider yourself LUCKY that things aren't awkward after what happened.

Those little affectionate things are still there because they STILL feel good, and unless things get weird, they will continue to feel good. Like Keti said, they "are fun to do and make us feel loved and wanted". And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that! If you want to feel good and that makes you feel good, go for it. But you have to be able to handle it, and the emotions that come with it.

Those things can make you confused, and they can to make you want that person more, and they most likely will. But if you can deal with them, and you think it's worth it in the end, to just see what happens, then take the chance. If your heart can't take the possible letdown, however, realize it's done with and you need to stop doing what you're both doing.

Being able to share intimacy without the pressure and factors usually involved with it is a BEAUTIFUL thing. It can make you feel just as happy, and just as validated as a person in an actual relationship. Take it for what it is and nothing more until you KNOW, not just feel, the time is right. And know it may never come, but you have to deal with that NOW or don't keep doing this. It's not easy to do, and not many can do it, so don't lie to yourself about it because that WILL bring you more harm in the future then ending it now.

Good luck, and here's what I've taken to be the most important rules to be in any possibly romantic circumstance... Don't LIE to your OWN HEART, no matter how convincing you are to yourself. Don't LIE to anybody else's heart, no matter how much feeling you may or may not have for them. And don't let ANYBODY LIE to YOUR heart, no matter how much you want to believe what they are telling you. Follow those three and you can avoid the true tragedy of losing sight of love and what it really is in it's purest form.

If there's anything you don't really understand or have more questions about, feel free to ask. I don't mind helping out!