Let's say your long term girlfriend is addicted to social networking. 3-4 different profiles, a real attention ho. You know that she won't actually cheat on you, she is using these internet chumps for validation and amusement. Let's say there is one internet chump in particular, who you know she was talking to before she met you, and you saw this guy's name on her top 5 list in her cell phone. You know that your girl and this douche live far apart. Would you a) confront her b) ignore it, knowing that while your girl's words and actions show she is crazy about you, she is still radically immature in many ways and for some reason, needs attention from internet profiles like a crack ho needs her junk.

You forgot option C.

------edit----------

But assuming you don't want option c, what I would do; option:ignore is the best response, since it's not threatening.

I've also gotta vote for option c.

Ignore is the reasonable, rational response. Isn't it a matter of respect?

And speaking of respect, no I didn't go digging thru her cell phone. It was left out in plain sight w/ her "top 5" contacts on the screen.

It's just.....irritating.

Well, if she loves you and you know she's just having fun, why let it bother you? You should share in her fun, get an account, start messing w/her online.

Posted by G to the Race Well, if she loves you and you know she's just having fun, why let it bother you? You should share in her fun, get an account, start messing w/her online.

Nah, in my frame of reference, I would only use social networking sites if I was single and wanting to find someone to meet. Chatting and flirting with someone I had no intention of meeting is to me a waste of time. Now her profiles all say she is in a relationship but hey, it's the internet, almost all messages she gets from guys probably go something like "Ay wat's gud ma, you lookin reel gud all up on dem internetz, send me yo pictures, u got IM?" or some such bullshit.

Dump the attention whore. Move on with your life.

Does she know its bugging you? Maybe if she does, she'll tone it down a bit, or even stop it entirely; you know, out of respect for your relationship and all . . . .

I have guy friends that I keep in touch with over the internet and they are absolutely just my friends. There was only one that I would talk to on the phone, and when my bf said he was uncomfortable with that, I stopped.

With that being said, there was also a guy that just started out as my friend, and when all was said and done I ended up crazy about the guy. Technology can definately be a vehicle for a relationships demise.

Don't be too laid back about the internet chatting. You know the old excuse of "We were just friends, I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did."

Which at that point I'd be thinking about Option C.

Option D) Open a profile in one of her networks and begin stalking her.

Posted by Debi Does she know its bugging you? Maybe if she does, she'll tone it down a bit, or even stop it entirely; you know, out of respect for your relationship and all . . . .

I let her know I was irritated, she took all down but one. This talking stuff works........

Posted by Esoterik This talking stuff works........

EMO ALERT

Posted by KublaKhan EMO ALERT

Err....I mean, I threw a jealous chest pounding tantrum and said bitch, get off them internetz before I break my foot off in your ass!!! Then I made her service me - well - until happy ending. Yeah, that's the ticket....

Edited to add extra crassness

The way I see it you are both insecure in the relationship. She is out dangling the bait more or less fishing for something better than she has and is not even hiding it. That's usually a warning sign to most folks. Think about it, is she really just that attention needy and if she is can you cope with that in a long term relationship?

You are obviously feeling insecure about the whole thing as well or you would never have posted it here unless its for random boredom alleviation. I think you should grow a pair and talk to her about it. I'm not saying fight or scream and yell but think about it rationally and come up with all the concerns you have about this and in a non-confrontational way sit down and discuss it and come up with a plan to go forward be it together or not.

Good luck with it.

Posted by KONG Dump the attention whore. Move on with your life.

Seconded, but thats only because I can't stand someone who has more time for anyone else in the world than me...

Posted by Esoterik Ignore is the reasonable, rational response. Isn't it a matter of respect? And speaking of respect, no I didn't go digging thru her cell phone. It was left out in plain sight w/ her "top 5" contacts on the screen. It's just.....irritating.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Sorry for responding to this thread so late, but nobody so far seems to understand WHY you feel this way.

There are two things a person needs to know about me before we begin dating: 1) I don't like surprises. AT ALL. 2) I LOVE boundaries, I like them to have big, red, flashy signs. Boundaries everywhere. They both have to do with safety and predictability of a relationship and persons' behavior.

You at least seem similar to me on the boundaries and predictability stuff. Your problem here is NOT that you think she'd cheat on you, but rather that she is not clearly defining a boundary to someone else. It opens up a world of unpredictability with both her behavior and that guy's. Plus, I hear you feeling a lack of respect for the relationship.

A boyfriend said to me, once, "But I don't want to hurt her feelings," and my response to that is, "So are her feelings more important than mine?" Because that is ultimately what it comes down to. Because otherwise, AT WHAT POINT IS HE GOING TO LAY DOWN THE BOUNDARY TO HER??

YOU need to talk to her and tell her this. YOU need to tell her that you feel unimportant. You need to tell her that one of your needs is to have boundaries clearly defined. It is COMPLETELY FINE TO SAY, "One of my needs is for you to clearly define boundaries to other people. If you choose not to, know that I am going to have feelings about that."


...Unfortunately, you can't change a person. Very unfortunately. But you CAN tell them what YOUR NEEDS are, and hope that they are able to compensate for them: Just as you should be able to do, for her.

And also... I don't think she's necessarily an attention whore. Maybe she's a people-pleaser: They frequently have a hard time saying "no" and laying down boundaries for people (say, on the internet), while they are able to justify saying "no" to you... The only problem is that they're doing it COMPLETELY BACKWARDS.