HERE are the top 50 dumb blonde jokes cracked by Hollywood's hottest actors and socialites, complied by The Sun newspaper in London.

1) Paris Hilton talking to press about the US chain store: "Wal-Mart... do they like make walls there?"

2) Jessica Simpson on NewleyWeds: “Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.'

3) Alicia Silverstone on her role in Clueless: "I think that the film was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."

4) Chantelle Houghton when Big Brother said she had changed since becoming a celebrity: “I've changed? What do you mean... I've changed my clothes?"

5) Jodie Marsh in a recent interview: "Eskimos are uncivilised because they don't have any shops."

6) Paris Hilton on her technique on the red carpet: "I don't really think, I just walk."

7) Jessica Simpson on her first day at high school: "A teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. I was sooo excited. I was like, Damn it! It's my first day of 7th grade, I'm in junior high and I know this answer. So I raised my hand, I was the first one, and I said A-E-I-O-U!"

8) Goldie Horn on her favourite types of films: "Comedy is funny".

9) Sam Fox on fitness clothes: "I’ve got 10 pairs of training shoes - one for every day of the week."

10) Britney Spears on her taste in clothes: "So many people have asked me how I could possibly be a role model and dress like a tramp and get implants... all I have to say is that self-esteem is how you look at yourself and I feel good enough about myself so wear that kind of clothing... the breast implant issue has nothing to do with that..."

11) BB's Helen Adam’s on education: "The worst thing is when the press call me a dizzy blonde - I got a B in Drama, a D in English, I did a hairdressing course and a beauty certificate."

12) Lady Victoria Hervey on the homeless: "It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day."

13) Britney on Japan "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."

14) Jessica Simpson when offered buffalo wings: "Sorry I don't eat buffalo."

15) Paris Hilton on her fame: "There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I’m that icon."

16) Chantelle Houghton on George Galloway: "He looks at us like we're stupid, scatty, uneducated girls. He's a right chauvinistic pig, whatever that means!"

17) Cameron Diaz on science: "I've been noticing gravity since I was very young."

18) Britney Spears on where she might start her theatre career: "I would rather start out somewhere small, like London or England.”

19) BB's Helen Adams on magic man Paul Daniels: "Yeah, you know Jack Daniels... he does all the magic stuff!"

20) Christina Aguilera on film festivals: "So where’s the Cannes film festival being held this year?"

21) Paris Hilton on her career choices: "First wanted to be a veterinarian. And then I realised you had to give them shots to put them to sleep, so I decided I'd just buy a bunch of animals and have them in my house instead."

22) Alicia Douvall on motherhood: "I think a 16-year-old with a nice, sexy figure will do really well as a model as long as she's managed well. That's why I'm happy for Georgia to have a boob job because it will give her a career."

23) Chantelle Houghton on hearing George Galloway was an MP: "Does that mean you work in that big room with the green seats?"

24) Britney on capital punishment: "I am for the death penalty. Who commits terrible acts must get a fitting punishment. That way he learns the lesson for the next time."

25) BB2's Helen Adams on pulses: "How much chicken is there in chick peas?"

26) Chanelle Hayes on her Posh spice obsession: “I like what she (Victoria Beckham) wears. That's what magazines are all about - there's always a picture of a celebrity and where to buy a replica of what they're wearing. It's not as if I'm doing anything weird.”

27) Paris Hilton on her title: "I don't want to be known as the Hilton heiress, because I didn't do anything for that."

28) Tara Reid on her fellow blonde celeb: "I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist."

29) Ivana Trump on literature: "Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."

30) Christina Aguilera on herself: "I'm an ocean, because I'm really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures."

31) Britney Spears on her first tour: "Where the hell is Australia anyway?"

32) Alicia Douvall on surgery: "I know it (plastic surgeries) will kill me. But I'd rather die trying to sort things out."

33) Jodie Marsh on cooking: "Is an egg a vegetable?"

34) Kimberly Stewart on Jennifer Aniston: "I like her cos she's like, homely. She must have something else going on cos it's not like she's gorgeous or anything.”

35) Jessica Simpson on her mood at the VH1 '05 video awards: "Isn’t it weird I’m getting all emotionable."

36) Helen Adams on BB2 : "I probably sound Welsh on the telly."

37) Mariah Carey on the death of the King of Jordan: "I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time."

38) Chantelle Houghton on different types of doctors: "What’s a gynaecologist?"

39) Pamela Anderson on her secret to success: "I don't think about anything too much . . . If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!"

Gallery - Pammy Down Under

40) Ivana Trump on getting one over on her ex's new girlfriend: “Gorgeous hair is the best revenge.”

41) Brooke Shields on her campaign against smoking: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

42) Heather Locklear on being proud of her heritage: "From an early age I was aware of what America meant, and how the Marines at Camp Pendleton were ready to defend us at a moment's notice. I also remember what fabulous bodies those troops had."

43) Jessica Simpson on her scantily clad videos: "I'm definitely shy, so it was definitely acting for me to drop a trench coat and be in a bikini and try to get my cousins out of trouble by using my body. That was definitely acting!"

44) Chantelle Houghton working out the shopping budget: "Eleventy-twelve pence? I don't get it. How much is that then?"

45) Britney on why she did a cover of I Love Rock and Roll: "I always loved Pat Benatar."

46) Emma Bunton on moobs: "I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a comfort thing."

47) Cyndi Crawford on modelling: "In the studio, I do try to have a thought in my head, so that it's not like a blank stare."

48) The late Anna Nicole Smith on suicide bombers: "Doesn't that hurt?"

49) Jessica Simpson to the President when visiting the White House: "I love what you’ve done with the place!"

50) Mischa Barton on being blessed with looks: "Pretty people aren't as accepted as other people. It comes with all these stigmas."

How do you drown a blonde?
Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.


Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
She was a schizophrenic


Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.


How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her


A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair color doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity.

MM, you made me have a quiet, pretentious, agreeable laugh. Thank you.

Posted by argonian MM, you made me have a quiet, pretentious, agreeable laugh. Thank you.

Yah, the first and the last ones were funny.

Posted by MutantMandias How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling. Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She was a schizophrenic Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Repeated absences and stealing. How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first? Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair color doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity.

I don't get it....

I am looking at your avatar, seeing this is a humour board and knowing you are joking, but still, there is a glimmer of doubt.

a glimmer of doubt is a good thing... right?

Well, she is from Canada, so she's probably not too bright.

Posted by MutantMandias Well, she is from Canada, so she's probably not too bright.

*tear*

be nice.... it's cold up here....

Posted by trent Yah, the first and the last ones were funny.

"Repeated absences and stealing" didn't raise a chuckle? Raw nerve?...

Maybe it is revealing too much about myself to say that "Paint yourself green and throw forks at her" is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

Posted by MutantMandias Maybe it is revealing too much about myself to say that "Paint yourself green and throw forks at her" is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

no its not; you wrote it. we all know how you think.

I never finished reading Trent's original post, so I just gave it another peak. Since when are Brooke Sheilds and Cindy Crawford blondes? Odd.

It is almost like the person who complied these and the person reviewed their work didn't understand what the word blonde means.

Posted by argonian I never finished reading Trent's original post, so I just gave it another peak. Since when are Brooke Sheilds and Cindy Crawford blondes? Odd. It is almost like the person who complied these and the person reviewed their work didn't understand what the word blonde means.

The author is either British or Australian I think. Does that explain it?

Posted by trent The author is either British or Australian I think. Does that explain it?

You're British or Australian? One or the other, surely?!

Posted by trent HERE are the top 50 dumb blonde jokes cracked by Hollywood's hottest actors and socialites, complied by The Sun newspaper in London.

Well if I would RTFA, I would know...

LOL, but from one of those quotes, not everyone knows London is in England.

Posted by trent Well if I would RTFA, I would know... LOL, but from one of those quotes, not everyone knows London is in England.

I was trying to suggest that you wrote the bad jokes, but I failed miserably

Posted by metawaffle I was trying to suggest that you wrote the bad jokes, but I failed miserably

Yah that happens (a lot). Sometimes I'm on a completely different level and I miss shit like that.

I'm a lot like Frasier Crane's wife on 'Cheers'... but with a penis.