There is this guy that I have loved for more than a year. I am totally sprung for him. Back in November, he thought he loved me and for a few weeks he did, but then he realized he didn't. In February, he thought that he loved me again, he kissed me and I asked him "you really do love me, don't you?" "He said I'm beginning to believe that I do" For about five weeks, we were kissing and hanging out a lot. Then he told me that he realized that he didn't think of me in that way. After he said that he felt really bad and the first time he "dumped" me he started crying. He doesn't want to hurt me and he felt really bad when he did.

Now, last week he took me to the Star Trek movie and kissed me afterwords when we were at his house. He said we could probably start dating when school got out. He called me almost everyday after school and I went to his house everyday except Thursday (one of his friends was over and they were fixing a laptop). We kiss a lot and we fall asleep on the couch together, in each others' arms. I told him I was scared that he was not going to love me anymore, just like the last two times, and I asked him if he loved me and he said that nothing in his life was 100 percent, but he was pretty sure that he loved me. I would normally be on top of the world, but I am scared because I want to date him and I don't want him to stop loving me again.

Can someone tell me what is going on, why he has trouble making up his mind? Do you think that he truly does love me? Can you help me make sense of the situation?

Is this, by chance, the same guy that you've mentioned before? (http://www.uer.ca/...d=3&threadid=63293)

"Love" does not come and go in a matter of weeks. That's a crush. He may LIKE you, or have an occasional crush on you, or maybe he just calls you up when he's bored & lonely, but he does not love you. Sorry.

The best thing for you would be to avoid this guy, and find someone else. It doesn't have to be serious, just find some other dude to date. If this guy really loves you, he'll realize what he lost & will get serious about you.

As it stands right now, he's just playing games with your heart, and you're just wasting time on him.

Stop focusing on this "love" thing. It doesn't happen until you're older. Not until you're old enough for it to hurt. Just fuck around with him for what it's worth. If he don't want the goods, move on. I'm sure another young, strapping lad would be interested in fondling you on their couch for a few hours. Does that make you a whore? Fuck no. It's called enjoying your youth.

If you like this guy go ahead and see him but not just him. Don't take it too far. Keep your options open and let him know that is what you are doing. It will take much more time to know if he is the right one. I only know from my experience, when I first starting dating the whole concept of love for someone other than family was very confusing. It was not until later I realized it was a lot of like and lust but it sure felt like love at the time.

I almost agree with Stewie 100%. Its more like 80-90%. My only difference in opinion lies in definition. I think this guy is not worth your time. He seems stuck in middle school. I know you are young, So I want to give you some advice that will save you a shit ton of pain and suffering.

A ) There is not such thing as true love. There will never be a one person destined to be your "one". Won't happen. But love is a very real thing(hence my disagreement with Stewie). Love acts as the thing that binds humans. Without it, you would have no desire to have friends, you wouldn't care if your parents died in a plane crash, and this guys opinion wouldn't matter to you. Its all the same thing. So while you may like this guy a lot, love him even. There are just as many people you can love. Meanwhile, you can give him the time to grow the fuck up. The dude sounds 12. Which leads me to my point.

B ) Don't involve yourself with anyone who refuses to respect you. No back and forth games, No pushy self centered types, just don't take anyone's shit. Especially as a girl. Guys tend to take advantage(either knowing or not knowing) of girls, not sure why that is. but it is. Don't take that as all guys either. Some don't. The best way not to play that game is to make boundaries. Not Societal boundaries either, those will get you into trouble as well, if not more. No, Make your own based on comfort levels, and update these boundaries when you feel like they don't fit anymore. Which leads to my final point.

C ) Learn as much about yourself as you can. And I mean in every way. Figure out what you want your core identity to be. And remember that it changes. Constantly do anything that will show you new ways of looking at things. Read books, watch films, listen to people, create art(even if it is bad), masturbate and find new ways to do so, meditate, write, and most important is the act of self acceptance.

You do these things, and life will be easier and much more fulfilled. Stupid boys with their heads up their own arse will bother you no more, as the pain associated will not be interesting.

Also, I recommend a book. While the main topic will not interest you( if I remember correctly you are ardently christian) as it is about sustaining multiple relationships. But it gives really good advice on the basics of relationships.

http://www.amazon....ties/dp/1890159018

Posted by dirt A ) There is not such thing as true love. There will never be a one person destined to be your "one". Won't happen. But love is a very real thing(hence my disagreement with Stewie). Love acts as the thing that binds humans. Without it, you would have no desire to have friends, you wouldn't care if your parents died in a plane crash, and this guys opinion wouldn't matter to you. Its all the same thing. So while you may like this guy a lot, love him even. There are just as many people you can love. Meanwhile, you can give him the time to grow the fuck up. The dude sounds 12. Which leads me to my point.

There's a difference between "love" and being "in love". Is being in love true love? I don't know, but I know what it feels like, because I've been in love twice. It's not something that happens right away, but when it does, you just know.

As for that book that you recommended, it was recommended to me once, as well, by someone who shares your belief system when it comes to matters such as these. I have not, as of yet, read it, or made an effort to get a copy, and if and when I do, I'll do so only to understand that point of view, because I really have no interest in being with more than one person at a time, and don't think that I could be even if I wanted to, because I'm just not wired that way.

Posted by Shawn W. There's a difference between "love" and being "in love". Is being in love true love? I don't know, but I know what it feels like, because I've been in love twice. It's not something that happens right away, but when it does, you just know. As for that book that you recommended, it was recommended to me once, as well, by someone who shares your belief system when it comes to matters such as these. I have not, as of yet, read it, or made an effort to get a copy, and if and when I do, I'll do so only to understand that point of view, because I really have no interest in being with more than one person at a time, and don't think that I could be even if I wanted to, because I'm just not wired that way.

Hey, I'm not pushing polyamoury. It's not for everyone. To me, it is an orientation, like gay, straight or bi. But that book does more then just explain a view point. It gives very good advice on how to approach relationships.

And no, being in love is what you call the "honey moon period". Where all the sensations are extreme. But that is not love, it is the result of love, as well as a few other things.

Your rampant wheedling insecurity is making me cringe even from the other side of a monitor.

Posted by hydrotherapy Your rampant wheedling insecurity is making me cringe even from the other side of a monitor.

I'm going to run away to Brooklyn and propose to you.

Posted by SaraBellum I'm going to run away to Brooklyn and propose to you.

I don't see no ring on this finger, honey!

<3

Dirt and hydrotherapy has said all that needs to be said.

Where's turbozutek with a big, fat lock?

Posted by Lexi Dirt and hydrotherapy has said all that needs to be said. Where's turbozutek with a big, fat lock?

Turbo does like to show off his big, fat lock, for sure.

However, here in the wilderness of the private boards, it's probably not really required.

More BJs = more love.

Trust me!

Posted by ActionSatisfaction Esq. More BJs = more love. Trust me!

Action, we should be helping the young lady, not giving her a Slut 101 course.

Posted by Shawn W. Action, we should be helping the young lady, not giving her a Slut 101 course.

Awwwww, but that's Action's area of expertise!!

Posted by Shawn W. Action, we should be helping the young lady, not giving her a Slut 101 course.

He's just reading off the front of his t-shirt.

Well she's gotta learn somehow!!

Posted by monster Can someone tell me what is going on, why he has trouble making up his mind? Do you think that he truly does love me? Can you help me make sense of the situation?

Hi Monster, I hope you're out doing something besides watching as we slowly reply here. I'm going to start by turning this into a sort of dialogue with you. Why should (Let's call him Mike) 'Mike' have to decide? So far he's getting a pretty damn sweet deal. Most guys would be very glad to have any clean girl to snuggle with and do stuff with, without committing to the beginning of a relationship. Why's that, why wouldn't 'Mike' want to proclaim his interest in finding out if the two of you can put up with each other in a dating relationship?

Because relationships are hard. There are wonderful things in them, but this 'love' stuff you might discover has more than one side to it. For a relationship to work, you both have to respect and trust each other. Some would say that they're the same thing, but I find trust to be a very hard thing even with someone you like as much as you like 'Mike.'

Have you told him how you feel? Having had very similar conversations in my short time, it's hard to tell someone that you really really like them, and you hope they really really like you, but the things they're doing are pissing you off and generally ruining your diary's mood. If you haven't told him how you feel, he can go on about his merry snuggling way with some hot girl for when he's bored or lonely. That's not respect, and one or the other of you has to start. Sadly, you've let him get used to the status quo - suppose he doesn't want to open when he could play with your emotions and continue being friends with (some) benefits? Stop asking us about this, Monster - and go talk to 'Mike.' You're starting to exhibit behaviors that'll put you in abusive or dead relationships. Maybe you'll be happy that way, but - Monster? I don't think you should settle for this shit until you've strived for something better.

Posted by dirt It gives very good advice on how to approach relationships.

The idea being, if you can handle a complex relationship (one involving multiple people, without some getting jealous or feeling neglected) that you must have the skills to manage a two-person relationship. Makes sense! I just might check this book out - I think it's a UER totem, as another explorer already suggested it to me...

Thanks for your advice, everyone.

Posted by monster Thanks for your advice, everyone.

Any results? It's ok if you don't want to share them, just wondering, your reply sounded so ... cold.