Ok so here it is i was in a relationship with this girl for 8 almost 9 months. Not that long but i really thought she was "the one". We connected on so many levels,loved to be around each other and had alot of mutual friends. I treated this girl really nicely. {ok a little background i am a US Marine she is in the Navy). We ended up deploying together and everything went well for 3 or 4 months. Then she started talking to this guy{on the boat} who she went to high school with. Like a week later she dumped me i asked why and was told that she likes this other guy. So i did a little research and found out this guy, who i will now reffer to as SGT,just got out of a 4 year engagement (he was dumped).
So i knew he was going to use her and hurt her and then let her go. I didnt want that to happen she really is a sweet girl and dosnt deserve an asshole but yet she (like most women i meet) seem to prefer assholes. I honestly cannot understand why. I am assertive in my decisions so it wasnt like i was letting her walk all over me without a little challenge but at the same time she was my queen and i did everything i could to make her happy.

(SGT dumped her after 3 weeks maybe karma is real}

So i guess my question is as follows: What do women want? Do they like the asshole? I honestly need to know because i am beyond sick of getting my heart ripped out.

{Little more info she was 27)

Grrrrr........I hate dating.....Alot.

Honestly? As long as you hold onto any sort of idea that a woman can rip your heart out, it will happen. I don't mean putting up walls or being a bastard. Think about the situation from a zen sort of detached place, and you will see what her intentions are. It is my experience that the other person is trying to do the best thing for themselves. Can you fault the person for wanting to do the best by themselves they can? If you loved some one that much, being ditched is a small price to pay to see the one you love happy.

Also, I don't believe in the "one". I think that kind of thinking only causes pain because it forces people into roles that are not aligned with their true selves.

MarineAD, don't get discouraged. You sound like a great dude; it's her loss that she can't see it. Having been married for almost 10 years now and pretty much being a flop at everything else (but reserve right to give out women advice because I'm not divorced--yet), I can tell you that women don't want the asshole, well at least not in the long run. They want someone to be there and listen, have fun with and make them laugh. They are just dudes with vaginas, really, they want the same stuff you do.

Posted by G to the Race They are just dudes with vaginas

That's a disturbing image.

Okay, seriously speaking, I was with my last girlfriend for 15 months. We were both serious enough about the relationship that at the 8 1/2 month mark, we bought commitment rings, which were to later act also as engagement rings, which we exchanged on Christmas 2006, since that seemed to be where the relationship was heading. If only that's where it had ended up. Long story short, I blew it. Somehow, from that Christmas to the time that we'd broken up in mid-June of 2007, her level of happiness with the relationship had gone from being through the roof to being close to nothing. The blame was squarely on me for that and the failure of the relationship.

Why have I told you all of this? Because I wasn't an a-hole, well, at least in my opinion, and I was with a woman who loved me so much that we'd already started talking about what kind of wedding we were going to have. What killed it is that I got complacent, taking her and the relationship for granted. I guess, maybe in that sense, I was an a-hole, and I'm now forced to live with the fact that my life would be a lot different, a lot happier now, if I hadn't gone into cruise control and acted like the status quo was never going to change.

When you find someone new, don't just treat them like a queen. Be attentive, be communicative, and do not, under any circumstances, get complacent. You'll find someone eventually, who will give you the respect that you deserve, but don't forget to respect them, as well.

I hope that this helps.

P.S. My brother was in the Corps for 8 2/3 years, and received an honorable discharge just over a year ago. Semper Fi.

Posted by Shawn W. When you find someone new, don't just treat them like a queen. Be attentive, be communicative, and do not, under any circumstances, get complacent. You'll find someone eventually, who will give you the respect that you deserve, but don't forget to respect them, as well. I hope that this helps.

That says a lot. I have been in a long term relationship and that is just what happened. Everything got comfortable and went south. There has been so much trying to fix it and get back what we used to have but I am afraid that may never be possible. There has been too much hurt involved.

The the older couples that I have known over the years act like they just met. Leaving lipstick notes on the mirror in the morning, holding hands and giving cards just because. They are so happy just like I remember being at one time. They might have recliner chairs in the family room but they never sit in them. They cuddle on the sofa. There has to be something to the advise they give. Work at love like it was for the first kiss even though it is kiss 1 million and it will feel as wonderful as the first.

Ok now I will dream of how it felt to want to be with someone right now, this minute and not dread going home.

Posted by shellyl That says a lot. I have been in a long term relationship and that is just what happened. Everything got comfortable and went south. There has been so much trying to fix it and get back what we used to have but I am afraid that may never be possible. There has been too much hurt involved. The the older couples that I have known over the years act like they just met. Leaving lipstick notes on the mirror in the morning, holding hands and giving cards just because. They are so happy just like I remember being at one time. They might have recliner chairs in the family room but they never sit in them. They cuddle on the sofa. There has to be something to the advise they give. Work at love like it was for the first kiss even though it is kiss 1 million and it will feel as wonderful as the first. Ok now I will dream of how it felt to want to be with someone right now, this minute and not dread going home.

Do we need to talk further about the final sentence?

Posted by G to the Race Do we need to talk further about the final sentence?

Maybe, are you talking distractions

Posted by shellyl That says a lot. I have been in a long term relationship and that is just what happened. Everything got comfortable and went south. There has been so much trying to fix it and get back what we used to have but I am afraid that may never be possible. There has been too much hurt involved. The the older couples that I have known over the years act like they just met. Leaving lipstick notes on the mirror in the morning, holding hands and giving cards just because. They are so happy just like I remember being at one time. They might have recliner chairs in the family room but they never sit in them. They cuddle on the sofa. There has to be something to the advise they give. Work at love like it was for the first kiss even though it is kiss 1 million and it will feel as wonderful as the first. Ok now I will dream of how it felt to want to be with someone right now, this minute and not dread going home.

I'm really sorry to hear that things have turned out this way for you.

Thanks everyone...I just seem to have the worst luck when it comes to this. I can do long term (years) but no matter what i do it ends up failing.

Dirt,
While i agree that people should do whats best for them talking about getting married literally 2 days before dumping me isnt the way to go about it.Didnt even know anything was wrong.....oh well.






I am having a hell of a time getting over her. we broke up 2 months ago which would normally give me enough time to trick myself into thinking something was wrong with her and get over her but we see each other every single day. I NEED TO GET OFF THIS BOAT.

Posted by MarineAD I am having a hell of a time getting over her. we broke up 2 months ago which would normally give me enough time to trick myself into thinking something was wrong with her and get over her but we see each other every single day. I NEED TO GET OFF THIS BOAT.

That sucks, man. What ship are you on, if I may ask?

Marine air contingent on board USS Boxer LHD4

Posted by MarineAD I am having a hell of a time getting over her. we broke up 2 months ago which would normally give me enough time to trick myself into thinking something was wrong with her and get over her but we see each other every single day. I NEED TO GET OFF THIS BOAT.

Not that standard math equations by any means hold water (no pun intended... ok maybe a little) with everyone but the standard line of thinking in modern times seems to be it takes half the time you were with someone to 'get over them'.

Though I'm assuming all the longer if you are forced to see them regularly.

Best of luck.

Posted by MarineAD Marine air contingent on board USS Boxer LHD4

I found your ship on Wikipedia!

http://en.wikipedi.../USS_Boxer_(LHD-4)

So, did you get a chance to meet Captain Phillips?

yes i did. Helped with cleanup too

wow i cant believe how up to date wikipedia is.


Modify so i dont have to post multiple posts.

Hydro- I hope it dosnt take all that long i want to get over her because i know thats whats best for me but stuff keeps happening to bring me back to my lowest level. Also last time we were in port i got shitfaced and ended up talking to her again, She hung on me for the remainder of the night. Next day hangover and crazy stupid loneliness should have said no but alcohol lowers inhibitions.

Posted by MarineAD wow i cant believe how up to date wikipedia is.

Out of curiosity, what's your duty on the ship?

Multiple duties- Engine mechanic for av8b harriers, Supply Liason, Units distinguished shooter (only at my parent command. oh and a distinguished shooter has a sniper rifle). I am the leading supply liason for the ACE (air combat element)

Posted by MarineAD Multiple duties- Engine mechanic for av8b harriers, Supply Liason, Units distinguished shooter (only at my parent command. oh and a distinguished shooter has a sniper rifle). I am the leading supply liason for the ACE (air combat element)

My brother's original MOS was aviation electronics, but he dealt with helicopters and C-130s.

Posted by MarineAD Dirt, While i agree that people should do whats best for them talking about getting married literally 2 days before dumping me isnt the way to go about it.Didnt even know anything was wrong.....oh well.

I hear you and agree. But, That is not the reality of the situation. The reality is that she did what she did. It sucks, it hurts, But what is done is done. Be glad you didn't marry her. Just think of what she would be capable of 10 years down the road. There is nothing wrong with you, nor with her, she was driven to something else. Maybe learn a lesson, who knows.

i don't like a--holes, but sometimes no matter how in love with the person you are at one time, feelings change...