Well, your legal status is important, and it would be a shame to be left w/out access to the things that should rightfully be yours. I look at marriage this way sometimes: you are part of a community and the community values that two people have some kind of binding commitment, so get married. If you find a community that values something else, do that. It's not the be-all end all and I can see where getting married plays right into the hegemony's hands, but maybe if you make a marriage different the hegemony will change? Who knows. It ain't for everybody, only the sexy people.

Posted by theRequ13m He hates the idea of marriage. He's against the religious, legal, and political aspect of it all. He thinks its a gross waste of money for a day's celebration when you should love and cherish your mate the same way every day regardless of whether they are a "wife", "husband", or whatever. He thinks it's great for couples who follow the conventional method of things and even does wonders for some, but he's not one of those people.

YES I have to agree with him. Strongly. But marriage upsets me not because of what it inherently is, but what most people make it...so I would not necessarily be opposed to getting married eventually myself. It should never be thought of as "taking your relationship to a new level" or used as a way to make yourself feel more secure in a relationship. It accomplishes neither. IMO, A marriage should be viewed as two things:

1. A utilitarian legal contract
2. An excuse for a really big party with lots of alcohol and a DJ (that's me)

I work in the wedding industry (I DJ tons of wedding receptions and I also occasionally do wedding photography; and in the process of doing either of these I often become very involved in the wedding planning process) and it's so sickening to me to see the way that a lot of people think of marriage. Some people seem to think of it as a way to "solidify" a relationship. If your relationship hasn't already been solidified then you should NOT be getting married. Some people even think of it as a way to prevent their partner from cheating or leaving them. Again, they shouldn't be getting married. Some people seem to think of it as a rite of passage into adulthood; like you can't be a real person until you find your "other half"; if you are not a mature adult with your own identity and life independent of your partner, and capable of going on without your partner, then you shouldn't be getting married.

I agree with everything you said. Everything. I've done a bit of wedding photography too. A close friend of mine who recently decided to pop the question was with his wife for about 8 years before they tied the knot. I think they finally agreed to do it for the legal benefits and also because they knew the other wasn't going anywhere, so why not? They actually had a very small ceremony. Her dress was gorgeous too. Instead of the traditional "virgin" white, she went with a short, black "pin-up girl" dress.

Posted by theRequ13m Instead of the traditional "virgin" white, she went with a short, black "pin-up girl" dress.

That's AWESOME. God I HATE wedding traditions. Every wedding I do is perfectly identical to the last. I don't understand why people can't be a little more creative than that. Not to mention the inherent sexism of the traditions. The woman's white dress symbolizes her virginity but does the man's virginity matter? No. And it upsets me when they want me to announce the bride and groom as "Mr and Mrs John Smith"...WHY is only the man's name important!? eugh...

Posted by DJ Craig That's AWESOME. God I HATE wedding traditions. Every wedding I do is perfectly identical to the last. I don't understand why people can't be a little more creative than that. Not to mention the inherent sexism of the traditions. The woman's white dress symbolizes her virginity but does the man's virginity matter? No. And it upsets me when they want me to announce the bride and groom as "Mr and Mrs John Smith"...WHY is only the man's name important!? eugh...

Yeah, and how the brides family has to pay for it. If my bf and I were to get married tomorrow, our ceremony would include me in a dress from the Good Will, him in a rented suit, out in someone's nice back yard with a few cupcakes and cheap vodka.

Actually, here's some of the pics from it. The most awesome wedding I've ever been to. These aren't edited so no photo critiques








Science beakers and books!


Music













And as an added bonus, there was an abandoned horse stable in the back yard


Sorry for icky quality. Again, not edited.