And one more before I go home. Who doesn't like a backpack full of bear?



A Jew and Czechoslovakian go camping. While they are camping a bear comes along. The bear decides to eat the Czechoslovakian guy and the Jew freaks out, gets in his car, and leaves. While driving away he gets pulled over.

Officer: "Where you going in such a hurry?"

Jew: "My friend just got eaten by a bear at our campsite and I was trying to GTFO."

The two return to the campsite and now there are two bears, a male and female. The officer asks the Jew which bear his friend is in; the Jew assures the officer that it was the male. He is 100% sure it was the male that ate his friend.

The officer shoots the male, cuts him open, but finds nobody inside.

What's the moral of the story?

Never believe a Jew when he says the Czech is in the male.

Alright, it's fucking on:

Did you hear about the guy who emailed 10 puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh? Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.



What's the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

Posted by hydrotherapy Never believe a Jew when he says the Czech is in the male.

That was pretty, pretty pretty good.

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a-salt-ed.







And my personal favorite...

What did the ghost say to the bee?






BOO BEE!!!

Posted by jesslovesharks What did the ghost say to the bee? BOO BEE!!!

http://www.instantrimshot.com/



We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be.

Some monks decide to raise funds for an addition to their monastery by selling flowers. They're succesful, but a florist living in the same town is upset because he's losing business.

He talks with the monks and they refuse to stop, so he gets a local tough named Hugh to threaten them. The frightened monks quickly shut down their flower selling business.

The moral of the story- Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

My husband would like you all to know that he hates you.

There was a snake named Nate who lived out in the desert. In the area that he lived in there was also a lever that, if pulled, would blow the whole place up. Everyone knew and liked Nate, and everyone knew not to pull the lever.

One day Nate was slithering across the road when a guy came driving by. He was about to swerve to avoid Nate when he saw that swerving would cause him to crash into the lever, so he ran over Nate instead.

When asked why he did it later on he replied- Better Nate then lever.

Now I feel Roland has taken us to a new level of cringe.

Fine.



A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."






Mahatma Gandhi, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super callused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.






A military adviser turns to the president and says, "Sir, a Brazilian died today in Iraq."

The president folds over, his face in his hands, crying. When asked why he is reacting so strongly to the news, he responds, "I don't know how many a brazilian is, but that is so horrible."

Posted by SaraBellum My husband would like you all to know that he hates you.

My wife clutched her head and looked away when I showed her the humerus picture

What do you call the blood that comes out of teenagers when they cut themselves?









Emoglobin.

Posted by SaraBellum What do you call the blood that comes out of teenagers when they cut themselves? Emoglobin.

Awesome!

What do you call a cow with no legs?





















Ground beef.

What do you call a dog with no legs?



















It don't matter it still isn't going to come.

What do you call a cow with two legs?















Lean beef!

Did you know God's first name is Howard? Our Father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.

What do you call a woman with one wooden leg?










eileen.

What do you call a chinese woman with one wooden leg?












eireen.

Posted by UsER28459 What do you call a chinese woman with one wooden leg? eireen.

Haha, nice.