What has 3 legs and a cunt on it?











A drum throne.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed a film canister?

Doctors are waiting to see what develops.
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There once was a little frog who wanted to take out a home improvement loan to fix up his pad. His name is Kermit Jagger.
He hopped over to his local bank, went up to the teller and said, "Hi, I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."
The teller replied, "You need to see our loan officer. Her name is "Patricia Black."

So the frog hops over to the loan officer's desk and sits down. When Patricia arrives she ask, "What can I do for you?"

The frog says, "I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."

Patricia asked, "What do you have for collateral?"

After thinking for a couple of moments about what he could offer the frog reaches into his little froggy pocket and pulls out a small white elephant.

"This is a very unusual form of collateral." said Patricia. "I'll have to check with our bank president to see if it's ok."

Patricia goes to the president and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who want's a home loan and this white elephant is all he is offering for collateral. What should I do?"

The bank president takes the small white elephant and after carefully examining it hands it back to Patricia and says,

"It's a nick-knack Patty Black give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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If a woman with big boobs works at Hooters, where does a woman with one leg work?










IHOP

A handsome business man eating dinner along at a upscale restaurant looks across the dining room and eyes a beautiful blond women also eating alone. As he's looking at her admiring her beauty she notices him and smiles back. After the course of a few minutes more minutes the two exchange a few more smiles amongst each other.

The man summons his waiter points out the woman of interest to the waiter. The waiter agrees that the women is extremely beautiful. The man then asks the waiter to deliver a bottle of restaurants finest wine to the women along with a note. The note said:

"Hello,
As you can tell I saw you from across the restaurant. I just wanted to let you know that you're the most beautiful women I've ever laid my eyes on. I hope you enjoy the wine I sent over."

When the waiter delivered the wine and note, the woman was quite flattered. She looked over at the man and thanked him with a big smile. She then asked the waiter for a pen and paper so that you could send the man a note of her own:

"Hello,

Thank you for the bottle of wine. You have wonderful taste as this is my favorite kind of wine! To save us both some time let me cut to the chase. You're a very handsome man, but I hate wasting my time. Anyone that even has a chance of being with me has to be handsome (which you exceed my standards) as well as owning a BMW, earning more than 6 figures a year, and having an 8 inch penis. If you meet these requirements, perhaps you would like to join me at my table for dinner."

After reading this note delivered to him by the waiter the man smiled and began to pen his response to the woman:

"Thank you for the invitation to join you and I'm flattered that you think I'm handsome. So you know I actually earn around half a million dollars a year but I don't drive a BMW, instead I typically drive a Porche and have a garage full of exotic sports and luxury automobiles. However, I have a 10 inch penis and regardless of your beauty, I'm not chopping 2 inches of it off just to have a chance with you. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening."


Edit: oh, and this obviously isn't a pun and probably in the wrong thread. Oh well.