Well, I'm bi. I hate it.

Not because I'm homophobic in any way or think it's "against god" or any of that shit. No. Mainly because I feel as though I'll never be able to have a relationship with either gender without feeling as though something is missing.

It's starting to creep its way into my current relationship and that scares the fuck out of me. I love and adore my current partner, but I can't help but feel hopelessly attracted to women. I wish I could just ignore, but that's unfathomable. I tried that when I was younger and it obviously didn't work.

I talked to my boyfriend about it a little last night. He's wonderfully open and understanding. He suggested a poly relationship, but I don't want that. I honestly don't even like the idea of fucking around with girls on the side either. I feel like it would be selfish.

Anyone else know where I'm coming from?

Sounds more like you are just determined to destroy your relationships.

Before you conclude that your bi-sexuality is driving this, check out if i is just the intimacy that is making you uncomfortable.

Mandias, how so? Like pinning that as an excuse to cover up some other deep rooted insecurity?

And SeventhStage, I don't think there's any problem there. We have a very healthy sex life and I've never had a problem with any aspect of it.

Posted by Oryx Mandias, how so? Like pinning that as an excuse to cover up some other deep rooted insecurity? And SeventhStage, I don't think there's any problem there. We have a very healthy sex life and I've never had a problem with any aspect of it.

I am not referring to sex when I say intimacy (although I find it interesting that you had the male interpretation), I am talking about having a close and stable emotional connection with another person. From your description it sounds like are on the path to the aforementioned intimacy, and inexplicably you feel the urge to inject some chaos. Do your past relationships have a history of chaos?

Posted by Seventh Stage I am not referring to sex when I say intimacy (although I find it interesting that you had the male interpretation), I am talking about having a close and stable emotional connection with another person. From your description it sounds like are on the path to the aforementioned intimacy, and inexplicably you feel the urge to inject some chaos. Do your past relationships have a history of chaos?

We do have a very close, stable, and loving emotional connection. I can't stress that enough. It's the closest I've ever been to someone and the most stable relationship. Yes, I've had lots of chaotic relationships. Some were unstable because of me being an emotional wreck years ago and others were because they were just violent.

Nothing has really been wrong with our relationship in the year we've been together. The biggest argument we had lasted about 20 minutes before we talked it out and settled the miscommunication. I'm a completely different person from how I was in the past (thankfully), but I wasn't expecting this to seem more like I was trying to subconsciously sabotage my relationship. I figured maybe it was normal for someone to feel that way since there's an attraction to both sexes.

I have been a bit more emotional the past few days though. Mainly because my sleep schedule has been horribly fucked up.

Anyways.. after thinking about it with a clear mind, I don't see it bad of a problem anymore. Something I just kinda blew out of proportion from a bad day.

I warn you against snuffing attractions. I did it for a long time, and now I can't sleep without the fear of so kind of fucked up dream.

What I find interesting is the concept of selfishness. What is more selfish: destroying a relationship because of some ideal of what is right, or consciously taking what you need, and working that out with a loving understanding partner. Remember this, "traditional" polyamoury is not the end all be all. It might be enough to give yourself the space to appreciate and flirt, without actually "fucking around". Suppression is a poison, and even if you feel fine for a while, the cancer of such will cause a break down.

Also, to hate yourself for something is counter productive.

Posted by dirt I warn you against snuffing attractions. I did it for a long time, and now I can't sleep without the fear of so kind of fucked up dream. What I find interesting is the concept of selfishness. What is more selfish: destroying a relationship because of some ideal of what is right, or consciously taking what you need, and working that out with a loving understanding partner. Remember this, "traditional" polyamoury is not the end all be all. It might be enough to give yourself the space to appreciate and flirt, without actually "fucking around". Suppression is a poison, and even if you feel fine for a while, the cancer of such will cause a break down.

I was hoping you'd respond to this. Working it out is what we're doing. He actually said something very similar to that. Oh I know suppression. It's fucked me up something hardcore in the past and I'm definitely not a stranger to it. I guess now when something comes up in my head I initially freak out thinking I need to fix it as soon as I can so that it doesn't get pushed back. I should really go to therapy.

Posted by dirt Also, to hate yourself for something is counter productive.

No it's not really hating myself. More like not being particularly fond of complications that arise from a certain aspect of myself. Even though it can be a pain in the ass, I wouldn't change it. I just want to figure out how to deal with it.

Ask him if he's down for a threesome?

Posted by dirt I warn you against snuffing attractions. I did it for a long time, and now I can't sleep without the fear of so kind of fucked up dream. What I find interesting is the concept of selfishness. What is more selfish: destroying a relationship because of some ideal of what is right, or consciously taking what you need, and working that out with a loving understanding partner. Remember this, "traditional" polyamoury is not the end all be all. It might be enough to give yourself the space to appreciate and flirt, without actually "fucking around". Suppression is a poison, and even if you feel fine for a while, the cancer of such will cause a break down.

I agree 100% with everything dirt said.

Read The Ethical Slut.

Do some research about polyamory and open relationships and all the different ways that different people structure their relationships to work for what they need. Don't let yourself get stuck on sticking to traditional societal relationship "rules." Make up your own damn rules. Don't be afraid to structure the relationship in whatever way is necessary for you both to feel secure and satisfied emotionally and physically, even if the rules you come up with are non-conventional. Communicate plenty. Lots. Communicate a LOT. Tell each other everything. Be honest and open. But I know you two are already doing that so I think you'll be fine.

Maybe you are simply bored?

Thanks Craig! Yeah we are communicating. I think I just kinda freaked out a bit and blew it out of proportion thinking that things have to be a certain way and what not.

Thanks for your input guys...

Posted by Oryx Well, I'm bi. I hate it. Not because I'm homophobic in any way or think it's "against god" or any of that shit. No. Mainly because I feel as though I'll never be able to have a relationship with either gender without feeling as though something is missing. It's starting to creep its way into my current relationship and that scares the fuck out of me. I love and adore my current partner, but I can't help but feel hopelessly attracted to women. I wish I could just ignore, but that's unfathomable. I tried that when I was younger and it obviously didn't work. I talked to my boyfriend about it a little last night. He's wonderfully open and understanding. He suggested a poly relationship, but I don't want that. I honestly don't even like the idea of fucking around with girls on the side either. I feel like it would be selfish. Anyone else know where I'm coming from?

No...really?