There is something that has been bothering me for a long time with one of my longest standing female friendships... I cant ask anyone we know for advice becasue I don't want to step on toes...

2 years ago my friend Julie and a few of our other friends went to see this band. Julie personally knows several members of the band. I really REALLY like this band, and shes the one who got me into them. So after the show I really wanted to meet them and hang out. But she went off to talk to other people while I caught the lead singer really quick and got a photo with me and my male friend. But turns out we were all going to go to the bar anyways. So after some confusion we all meet up at the bar. My friend has been in love with the lead singer for YEARS. Hes not a super hot rockstar, hes just a regular guy who has a good voice. Oh and my friend Julie is really hot while Im sort of plain and overweight... well maybe not back then but I am now. While she was chatting it up with all the hotties in the band I was talking to the lead singer who took a liking to me. We were talking, he bought me some drinks and I kissed him... but thats it. I did ask him though why he chose to hit on me and not her when she was obviously prettier and had a huge crush on him, and he said that she just wasn't his type of girl.

We went back to their tour bus and while he was really trying to lay it on thick, I was not interested in that way at all. They were my ride and were banging on the back door just in time for me not to say anything stupid or to offend him. I was like oops sorry I really gotta go. I got his # and txt him the next day... but what was odd is he didnt say anything back, I was a little upset but I was like fuck it its not a big deal...

so 2 nights later they were playing again in philly... but... that same night my favorite band was having a reunion show and Ive never seen them live. The lead singer added me on myspace and told me he got a new phone yadda yadda so he txts me that night asking me to come to his show too. I told him Id try but I was relying on public transportation... and I didnt know how late my other show was running

I finally get there, the show was over, I was outside having a cigarette and Julie comes up to me," (the lead singer) is such an asshole he was on stage saying you're a groupie and he hopes you don't show up... hes such a dirtbag stay away from him!"

I was really really torn up over this. First of all, I was confused as to why he would say this. Why would HE find ME on myspace, txt me asking me to come and then all the sudden trash talk me on stage for no reason??? he didnt seem like the type to do that AT ALL. Then she was telling me he has a finance... but I wasnt believing it. But really, I dont give a fuck what some dude in a band just said about me, even if I like their music. So I said,"Pft whatever Im not going to let this ruin my night, I dont care" Her reaction to what I said set off some red flags,"WHAT? You really dont care???" and she kept stressing on what he said and I was like, Julie... I really dont care.

Ever since this all happened she BARELY even talks to me anymore. I don't talk to the dude in the band, we chatted on myspace a few times but I never tried to keep in contact, I even avoided going to see them when they played here again because I really am not sure what to think...

But the more I think about it, EVERYTIME she brings it up I see it really upsets her, but I still could care less at what he supposedly said about me. I think in reality it upsets her that he was interested in ME, someone who is not as attractive as her and it makes her feel threatened...

What upsets me in this whole thing is that she (probably) lied about him and it has pretty much ruined our friendship... I guess she wasnt really a true friend to begin with if some dude in a band she listens to is going to cause her to become jealous of someone like me...

I'm sorry, can't say anything what's happening between you and your female friend.

However, the thing between you and your singer friend...

During the introduction of this university, I met a girl, and trough a cheesy trick I obtained her phone number (we were escorting a drunk fellow introduction member to a cab, and I had to go inside to get my coats, asked for her number just in case this drunk guy decided to wander off - that was all fake though as my battery had given up 10 minutes before.) However, we texted quite a lot, until at a certain moment asked her whether we could go out to the movies one day.

She didn't text me back for 3 or 4 days, then replied with "sorry, was out of credit, but I'd like to, not this week though as I'm busy". I sent her a few texts since but nothing, no reply at all.

This isn't a big deal for me, I liked her but wasn't frantically in love, but I wonder why she said "I'd like to" in that one text.

Tijmen

P.S. have you considered the possibility that your female friend totally lied and the singer didn't say anything about you?

Posted by IIVQ P.S. have you considered the possibility that your female friend totally lied and the singer didn't say anything about you?

That's what I thought. Female friends can suck. Maybe her freaking out about you not caring about what he "said" was her being disappointed in not getting a reaction. Jealousy is a bitch. So are lots of women

Posted by Oryx That's what I thought. Female friends can suck. Maybe her freaking out about you not caring about what he "said" was her being disappointed in not getting a reaction. Jealousy is a bitch. So are lots of women

thats really my gut feeling on this one. I really don't think the singer would be that mean and cold. I know that people can be different than their lyrics and songs but if you knew who the band was... you'd have a hard time believing hed do something like that too.

It just really sucks because she was my role model for the longest time but Ive realized she wasnt the best person for me to look up to either considering how co-dependent she is on men and she has a severe eating disorder...

I'm not going to sweat it too much, I have a good group of female friends now. I just wish I knew the truth...

I'm of two minds on this subject. First is my idealistic way of seeing things. In the world we live in, it is a throw away society. If something doesn't work, then we throw it away, including people. What that leads to is a whole mass of people who were "thrown away", and end up causing problems elsewhere. So I don't throw people away.

The other mind is the realistic one. This girl is messed up. Moreover, she has created drama which is unhealthy for you own mental state. The fact that you went into this long diatribe about this chick is proof enough. Hence, it is not wise for you to get yourself involved with such people.

I will not go as far as to say that she is not a friend. I cannot know such things. But I can say this: Deal with this directly. "Why do you care that I don't care, and will you just drop it?" Then leave it at that.

Welcome to the thunderdome. Kidding. I don't know why women even bother w/each other, they do nothing but bicker and cause each other problems. Y'all need more healthy forms of competition, like drinking games or golf.

I have never been able to keep a close friendship with other females. I am not into the drama and I will not put up with it.

I have pretty much always worked with all men. They have taught me to deal with issues up front and right away. When we have a problem at work or out we mother fucker each other face to face and normally quite loud and rude. In a few minutes the problem is out in the open and then it is over as quick as it started. Females seem to talk to everyone but the person. They all talk about it behind your back until the whole thing is blown way out of proportion and details get added and deleted. By the time the problem is being dealt with there is so much extra bullshit to wade through.

It looks to me like this is really bothering you. If it were me I would contact him and clear the air with no he said she said details. Just a simple, It has my come to my attention that you may believe.......That is simply not the case and it is important to me that you know this. When or if it comes up with said friend again just tell her flat out that you have taken care of the issue with him and it never needs to be brought up again. It is over and done with, end of discussion.

Now that is just me and probably why I don't have many female friends, most don't deal well with that way of dealing with issues.

Women don't like to be told they're ankle-biting, or histrionic. They also don't like to be told to face their issues head on with the people bothering them, rather than bitching at the fringe who will listen. It's a generalization, but it holds.

Call them out on any of this in an honest effort to make their lives easier and extract yourself from unnecessary excessive emailing and phone calls and simpering whining, and god help you. That being said, the women who break those rules are the best fucking people in the world.

seem's to me like your friend has lied out of jealousy because he dident like her and your non reaction pissed her off because she wanted you to hate him (not for the same reason as her) but just any reason seem's possible to me
although i am a man i cant say for sure even though i have tried to figure out how a womans mind work's now that's some hard work as said before ask her why it bugs her that it doesn't bother you.

SD

Posted by hydrotherapy Women don't like to be told they're ankle-biting, or histrionic. They also don't like to be told to face their issues head on with the people bothering them, rather than bitching at the fringe who will listen. It's a generalization, but it holds. Call them out on any of this in an honest effort to make their lives easier and extract yourself from unnecessary excessive emailing and phone calls and simpering whining, and god help you. That being said, the women who break those rules are the best fucking people in the world.

Damn, you're all right, I should have been upfront but I was so confused at the time and it was hard for me to face the fact that she could do this, especially since she had a boyfriend (and is still with him)

I guess I just need to take this as a lesson not to let this shit get to me to the point it has, and especially not let someone ruin my connections to people with their petty bullshit.

I will no longer be friends with her, we havent seen each other much and as I mature I see that she is incapable of having a healthy friendship with other females.... until she gets the help she needs.

I'm not sure I will contact him and try to figure out the truth, since this seems to have resolved itself in my mind.

Thanks everyone!

Posted by Senseriffic Damn, you're all right, I should have been upfront but I was so confused at the time and it was hard for me to face the fact that she could do this, especially since she had a boyfriend (and is still with him) I guess I just need to take this as a lesson not to let this shit get to me to the point it has, and especially not let someone ruin my connections to people with their petty bullshit. I will no longer be friends with her, we havent seen each other much and as I mature I see that she is incapable of having a healthy friendship with other females.... until she gets the help she needs. I'm not sure I will contact him and try to figure out the truth, since this seems to have resolved itself in my mind. Thanks everyone!

Power to you, lady. Some women are just too insecure to have healthy relationships with other women. Many mature beyond it in time, but sometimes there's just too much back baggage for them to handle it. It's pretty impressive to see you concluding a lot of this on your own- it hurts and it sucks but there's really not much you can do but throw up the anti-crazy shields and hope time and not taking the bait puts an end to it.

Just remember there are plenty of great womens out there to befriend- most of them have also just been burned as much as you have. Better luck next round

Glad to see you're dealing well. Hope I helped. And you know I'm always here for ya If any other chicks start getting psychotic on you just lemme know and i'll go choke a bitch haha.

I'm glad to hear that you've come to a sensible, realistic conclusion about all the crap that happened to you.

I dont usually post on these boards, but this subject caught my attention because it is something with which I have always had an issue. It's literally impossible for me to make/keep female friends. I feel like I over analyze the interaction to the point of being unable to figure out what exactly is occurring between the two parties involved.

It's kind of common knowledge how competitive women are, especially in terms of two women dealing with one another. I can't feel comfortable around or accepted by another woman. I can't be myself, I can literally feel the judgment taking place.

I know this is something I shouldn't care too much about, but it's something I cant help, for the life of me. It's over whelming and I figure if it's something I'm forcing myself to do, and not enjoying in the slightest while doing it, what's the point?

Well the point is, I really feel like it's something I'm missing out on. I dont feel normal, I'm envious of female friendships I see around me. I get lonely, and I dont like depending on my boyfriend to entertain me or keep me company.

This issue is so annoying because it seems like such a natural thing to be a part of, yet it is something I simply cant achieve.

wtf?

Laura that's EXACTLY how I feel. Couldn't have put it better. I'm working toward fixing that though. It's hard. I've always had a weird phobia of women, but lately I've been trying to reach out and at least try. But it seems like for every one awesome female, there are hundreds of bitchy ones. Just went through a stupid little situation where a girl I had become friends with went all catty and retarded. I still don't have any idea what happened. Sucked, but whatever. The good ones are out there though! I think they're just as terrified of women as we are so that makes them even harder to find haha.

Posted by hydrotherapy Just remember there are plenty of great womens out there to befriend- most of them have also just been burned as much as you have.

Posted by Oryx I think they're just as terrified of women as we are so that makes them even harder to find haha.

You speak the truth, homegirl.

I feel a little better after reading all of this. I have been told that I have some sort of mental issue that I need to get over when if comes to other females. Nice to see that I am not alone when it comes to this sort of thing.

Posted by LauraBeth ... because it is something with which I have always had an issue. It's literally impossible for me to make/keep female friends. Well the point is, I really feel like it's something I'm missing out on. I dont feel normal, I'm envious of female friendships I see around me. I get lonely,

(include oryx' quote here)

I feel almost the same, but vice versa, find it hard befriending boys, while girls never are a problem. (until it's getting girlfriend material, but that's another discussion)

In conclusion, women are horrible people.

You guys could've saved a week's worth of posts and just asked me.

Posted by White Rabbit In conclusion, women are horrible people. You guys could've saved a week's worth of posts and just asked me.

Sounds like a plan. Cause I don't need to have a soul.

Posted by Oryx That's what I thought. Female friends can suck. Maybe her freaking out about you not caring about what he "said" was her being disappointed in not getting a reaction. Jealousy is a bitch. So are lots of women

If someone's acting that way, they're not your friend.

I think "person that I hang out with" is a better word for "friend" in this case.

Friends don't treat people this way. Male or female. The problem is there's little good friends in the world anymore, of either sex. That's why people have forgotten what friends are SUPPOSED to be.