Hi.

I'm 26, I've finished a university bachelor, worked a full-time job for 3 years, bought myself an apartment. Recently I decided to quit my jobs for 3 days (keeping the job for 2 days), start a new study (Civil Engineering). My old friends of my age all have a similar course of life, except that they don't start a 2nd study.

However, here in the university I'm sitting between 18, 19, 20-year olds, who just live on their own for 3 months now. Their monthly income is usually around EUR 750/month, from the government, their partners and sometimes a small student job. I earn 1200 from my job, 250 from the government (because I'm student) and 700 in rent from my apartment I rent out. Off course, I also have a little higher costs than most students, the apartment I rent out costs me 650, the one I live in 550 (most student rooms are about 200 euro) etc. But, compared to my fellow students, I'm quite wealthy. No problem - they'll have the same income I had when working full time 3 years after they finish their study.

However, my problem is that I don't want to show around my wealth, but I notice that I do so anyway. For example, when someone said he bought a coat and 2 pairs of shoes, and had not so much money left for the month, I said that I had my paying account empty too, but then I got 250 euro out of my savings. He didn't have a strange reaction or so, but I later felt rather embarrassed I said that, because most students won't have a phat (or even any) savings account to get money out of.
By the way, I don't show off my money with expensive gadgets or clothing - in fact I hardly buy stuff, so I can put a lot of money in my savings, usually somewhere around 400 euro a month.

I don't want to lie about my wealth, but money is a big theme for students, so I happen to get into conversations about this occasionally, and I don't want to be known as "the rich guy". Anyone has any experience with somehow feeling embarrassed by being more privileged* (financially or otherwise) than others?

Tijmen

* privileged: I do have parents who supported me financially with my previous study, but the last 3 years I haven't had any financial support from them, and my savings account is all self-built, so I earned all the money I speak about myself.

Was there a point to this thread other than saying "look, I make an average income"? There's no secret to it. There's nothing wrong with having money, just don't act like a douche about it.

Just do not talk about money.

It is one thing to cordially engage in an agreement that expenses are high. But it is probably undesirable to make comments about your own financial situation.

• It is none of their business that you even have a savings account.
  
• It is none of their business that you have 2 apartments.
  
• If your rental apartment costs you 650/month and you are making 700/month, you are not charging enough as 50/month will not cover you if something goes wrong. Unless you were trying to say that you are charging 1350/month for the apartment and thus have 700/month as income after you spend the 650 to pay for it.
  
• Do not mention anything to them about any of your holdings or income.
  
• You are at a different point in your life than they are.

Posted by MrMusik Just do not talk about money. It is one thing to cordially engage in an agreement that expenses are high. But it is probably undesirable to make comments about your own financial situation. It is none of their business that you even have a savings account. It is none of their business that you have 2 apartments. If your rental apartment costs you 650/month and you are making 700/month, you are not charging enough as 50/month will not cover you if something goes wrong. Unless you were trying to say that you are charging 1350/month for the apartment and thus have 700/month as income after you spend the 650 to pay for it. Do not mention anything to them about any of your holdings or income. You are at a different point in your life than they are.

Maybe I shouldn't have asked for advice in an mostly north American forum, as ethics of discussing money and income vary widely, even per country in the case of Europe. As a student, I can hardly evade money talks - in fact I like to discuss it but don't usually start the discussions myself with these friends (for reasons stated in my original post). So while your last bullet point is very valid, points 1, and 4 are hard to pass on about, unless I'm totally mute about it. But it's not in the informed discussion where the problem is but usually in my casual speech - I just forget to think about some remarks I could just make with my friends who are in the same life period as I am.

Tijmen

P.S. I am in fact making 83 euro a month "profit" (minus repairs) on the apartment. However, not a lot of things that can majorly break down with a lot of costs as it doesn't have air conditioning and all the heating is still under warranty. Also, the apartment is newly renovated so it could easily do without major maintenance for 3 years. But the main reason for not making more profit is that if I go over the border of 645 euro (the other 65, I was rounding figures a bit, are for heating), I will fall into a different tax regime and have less protection AND less profit after taxes, until I'll rent it out for sums of over 1100 euro, which the apartment isn't worth.

Well...it's how life is. You get a job and come back to school, and you've got more money than students fresh out of the previous year. It won't help how you feel, but it's normal for that to be the case, isn't it?

I was in a similar situation - I went back to school to finish up my degree after working full-time. It does get awkward, to hear about people actually emptying their bank accounts... There's not much you can say besides general things like "ouch, that sucks." - and that's usually all they expect to hear.


Since most of my friends in school were still racking up loans, I just avoided talking about how much I had in any of my accounts. It's not that hard to stick to simple commiseration. Even though I had money, I still hated how much car insurance charged, how fast rent sucks away money, and how much gas costs.

There's plenty of people who like to brag about being poor too.

Posted by Oryx There's plenty of people who like to brag about being poor too.

I have never met anyone who "brags" about being poor, maybe complains...

Posted by belleZ I have never met anyone who "brags" about being poor, maybe complains...

I don't know anyone that "brags" per se, but I do know plenty of people who seem to think it gives them some sort of indie/punk cred or something.

Posted by Brind I don't know anyone that "brags" per se, but I do know plenty of people who seem to think it gives them some sort of indie/punk cred or something.

Yeah, that. To me it's just as annoying as bragging. Though there's a fine line between joking about your lack of finances and flaunting it...

Posted by Oryx Yeah, that. To me it's just as annoying as bragging. Though there's a fine line between joking about your lack of finances and flaunting it...

Exactly, I get tired of people complaining/bragging about NOT having money.
Especially, If they don't have a job, don't have a car, live with their parents, and/or do NOTHING to make the situation better.

I mean talking to close friends about it is one thing but comstantly complaining about it to anyone who will listen and gets really old.


Everyone has some sort of financial difficulties lately.

Posted by Brind I don't know anyone that "brags" per se, but I do know plenty of people who seem to think it gives them some sort of indie/punk cred or something.

I know at least a few people like this. One of them ironically lives in one of the richest suburbs in Canada but dresses as if they are homeless and don't shower because they think it makes them more of a punk or something.

Posted by GotPaisley! Exactly, I get tired of people complaining/bragging about NOT having money. Especially, If they don't have a job, don't have a car, live with their parents, and/or do NOTHING to make the situation better.

I hate this so much!! People are so lazy these days and I think the economy sucking just gives them an excuse to bitch more instead of an incentive to try harder.

i've usually been richer than my friends, the only awkwardness comes from me when i (with the best intentions) try to buy dinner, or buy a round of beers, or extend some expression of generosity that is unnecessary. though i'm just trying to be a nice guy, buying everyones dinner or beer without a good cause is flaunting my wealth. then next time, everyone is subconsciously wondering if i'd do it again -- some awkwardness can arise.

don't see that this particularly fits in "Relationships" except that in my experience women always want men with money, even if they lie and say they don't care

sorry ladies, present company excepted im sure (if you lie i won't argue)

Posted by Aleksandar don't see that this particularly fits in "Relationships" except that in my experience women always want men with money, even if they lie and say they don't care

A lot of them want men with money because they don't want to be dating a moocher.

Posted by Oryx A lot of them want men with money because they don't want to be dating a moocher.

AMEN! 0r some lazy ass.

Posted by GotPaisley! AMEN! 0r some lazy ass.

TRUTH! I cant even think about how much of my money is gone because I had to take care of some loser boyfriend... and they say having kids is expensive!

Posted by MrMusik You are at a different point in your life than they are. [/list]

I think this is something I'll just have to accept, that I won't be able to talk about "work stuff"with anyonefrom uni in the next two years. Have been talking some more, not about money (ok, a bit, I had a rental car the other day, which they found strange but my boss paid it) but they just don't know what "grown up" life is. Ah well, in 5 years, they'll find out.