I find it really interesting the way that people in different generations and, more interestingly, different geographic areas label the different stages that couple goes through in the process of becoming a couple. When are you "seeing each other", "going out", "dating", "in a relationship", "boyfriend/girlfriend", "going steady", "together", etc.? At what point during this process do you become monogamous? When does the cuddling and kissing start? When does the sex start (or moreover, when is it socially assumed to have started)? At what point can you no longer be called "single"? How does the way that you view these labels differ from, say, your parents?

I remember when I was 13 and after a girlfriend and I broke up, I said in front of my parents that I was now "single". They both laughed their asses off at that because they had never heard the term single used outside the context of marital status...so 13-year-old Craig seemed to be saying that he was divorced. Of course they grew up in New Zealand so things were different. But my parents also completely cannot understand why I was becoming monogamous as soon as I went into a relationship. They expected me to stay non-monogamous until at least 3 or 4 months into the relationship and were completely baffled by me not doing that. And, no matter how many times I explain to them the serious potential drama and issues that they could cause by constantly referring to various female friends of mine as my "girlfriend", they absolutely cannot possibly see what the problem with this is and continue to do this still today.

So anyway. How do these various labels and stages work where you live?

you forgot wheeling.

I've (long long ago, don't know where) read an article about a research on geographic relationship differences, done on American/Canadian soldiers and European girls, after WWII.

It turned out there are about 20 steps from nothing to a relation, but, in Europe and America these steps are usually occurring in a different order. Therefore, the American soldiers found that European girls were really willing, while European girls thought the American soldiers were really to the point.

So, if the process didn't involve a slap in the face, they came to a relationship quicker than an all-American or all-European relationship would. However, I think the whole "you liberated us you're my hero, I wanna do something in return-factor" had something to do with it as well

Also, from careful examination of the American society (or: that one episode of Gilmore Girls), I have the feeling that in the USA, saying "I love you" is really a big thing, you don't say that after you have a firm relation over a few months (is this true?). In the Netherlands, it's not a tiny thing either, but it's something you can say as soon as you have a real relationship.

OTOH... I'm 26 now and I just got the first marriage invitation of "my generation" - by a couple who are 30/32. They're together for 11 years now (with a 2-year break) I think (I never even thought about marriage in my 5.5-year relationship). I have the feeling that marriage is done a lot quicker in the USA than it is here.

Tijmen

Shit, I just learned that there was a difference between 'dating' and 'boyfriend and girlfriend' a few months ago. It all confuses me.

Posted by IIVQ OTOH... I'm 26 now and I just got the first marriage invitation of "my generation" - by a couple who are 30/32. They're together for 11 years now (with a 2-year break) I think (I never even thought about marriage in my 5.5-year relationship). I have the feeling that marriage is done a lot quicker in the USA than it is here. Tijmen

I also have the notion that marriage is a lot quicker to fail in the USA than it is in the Netherlands. I want to say the divorce rate in the States is hovering right around 50% for first time marriages but I could be wrong. (All statistics can be slanted anyways.)

Posted by RenegadeOfFunk Shit, I just learned that there was a difference between 'dating' and 'boyfriend and girlfriend' a few months ago. It all confuses me. I also have the notion that marriage is a lot quicker to fail in the USA than it is in the Netherlands. I want to say the divorce rate in the States is hovering right around 50% for first time marriages but I could be wrong. (All statistics can be slanted anyways.)

divorce rate currently sits at 52% for the USA.

Posted by olive divorce rate currently sits at 52% for the USA.

i heard its now at 2/3sd's or 66% divorce rate

If you go on a "date" or a few "dates" you are not "dating" nor did you "go out " with said person nor are you "ex's". It's ridiculous how many people think just because you went on a few dates that you "dated" someone...

When you go both decide to go "steady" and maintain that for at least a month then you can say you can say you are dating.

I've never had a steady relationship. I've only ever had friends with benefits ... i.e. we'll hang out, make out, fuck, but at the end of the night we both go home and have no real commitment to each other.

So I would have to say it is a serious commitment that defines a relationship anything else and it's just a couple of immature kids just playing games.

I roll my eyes every-time any girl tries to feed me that line. "How long? five weeks?" " Oh yeah, you have a "serious boyfriend" he'll be gone in a week, or a month. Make it a year and then you can say you are in a "serious relationship". "

That's why I follow courage wolf:

Posted by logtec i heard its now at 2/3sd's or 66% divorce rate

you heard wrong.

"well I'm seeing someone, but sure we can hang out" = that's my favorite

Posted by olive you heard wrong.

oh ya... maybe YOU heard wrong,
huuu everthing of that?
ah smarty pants...

The only reason I use the "boyfriend" label is there's nothing else that's better that doesn't sound like a euphemism for a growth or tumor or a pregnancy.

Significant other just sounds too much like something you're trying to hide by being cute about it.

Shael

We use "boyfriend/girlfriend" and probably will continue to do so since we don't plan on ever getting married. Why ruin a good thing? If we ever would, it wouldn't be for another 5-7 years. At least.

I think marriages fail so much because people don't live with their partner for at least 2-5 years before tying the knot. Only after this point can you truly decide whether or not you can/want to live with them for the rest of your life.

Well...

When we were kids in Michigan, boyfriend/girlfriend was a label used even if you "went out" for one day. Ah, the joys of middle school.

Then, in high school, "going out" was the same thing. It meant "boyfriend/girlfriend".

"Dating" when I graduated meant you weren't boyfriend/girlfriend. Dating was not a term used in high school by anyone except for parents....we never used "going steady" either haha.

Personally - I went out with a guy for about a month - his friends would always call me his girlfriend, he didn't want to, so I dumped him....I'm not gonna stick around some asshat who can't make a decision.

Then for two years he dogged me online until finally he found a girl who can stand him LOL. Now I never hear from him unless he's away from her. I suspect he's a very big cheater or a person who thinks cheating is "okay", and I'm glad I did what I did...I just felt sorry for him because he had got divorced from his high school sweetheart and then not had sex for like 3 years....I was like WTF? (because he was very buff, cute, sexy...).

Turns out he just didn't know the right things to say or do so no one would get close to him. Thankfully he did find someone and I hope it works out for him because I know he wants to have kids But yeah being with him made me think WTF in terms of what people really mean by dating, bf/gf, etc...

Posted by Oryx I think marriages fail so much because people don't live with their partner for at least 2-5 years before tying the knot. Only after this point can you truly decide whether or not you can/want to live with them for the rest of your life.

Studies have shown that divorce is on the decline, especially with our generation. It is speculated that it is, indeed, because we live together and are more well-established as individuals before getting hitched.

Posted by Emma Peel Studies have shown that divorce is on the decline, especially with our generation. It is speculated that it is, indeed, because we live together and are more well-established as individuals before getting hitched.

This is also because living together before marriage isn't frowned upon like it was 30, 40 years ago. Before my mum got married she saw him every other weekend for a year or two. It was a long distance relationship. Her parents would have raised holy hell if she decided to go live with him. Instead she ended up with a shitty marriage which inevitably ended in divorce.

Labels are only good so other people can sorta grasp what the nature of a relationship is. Besides that, it's all arbitrary.