...for getting out of those sticky situations with the cops/security/owners/crack heads/etc.

While breaking into an abandoned mental hospital, female security guard pulls up and I'm with a male friend.
Me "oh shit! hold my hand"
Him "what?"
Me "JUST DO IT"
Him "..ok?"

I walk up to the security van and the female guard puts rolls down her window. I try to think of the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me so I start blushing and say "hi" really meekly.

Guard "what are you doing here?"
Me "just..just..looking for ..you know, .. alone time..um..."
Guard "ooooohhhhhh. well you know you aren't really supposed to be near this building?"
Me "oh, I'm sorry. Just this building or the whole area? Can we just go for a walk?"
Guard "Well you're not really supposed to go anywhere down that road, but this building especially."
Me "Oh. Why, what is it? I thought it was just part of the hospital" *points to new hospital directly across street*
Guard "It's the old mental hospital"
Me "MENTAL HOSPITAL? OMG ARE THERE LIKE, CRAZY PEOPLE IN HERE?"
Guard laughs again "no, it's empty"
Me "OH THANK GOD. OH THAT'S SO CREEPY, I wanna go home, eww crazy empty mental hospital"
Guard "goodnight"

We run off hand in hand, get in the car. He gives me this weird look. I go "I KNOW I SOUNDED LIKE A STUPID GIRL SHUT UP AND DRIVE"

I nominate mindhacker.

While on the other side of a locked gate on government property, that the guard himself locked 20 minutes ago. "WHERE IS THE PARK I WAS LOOKING FOR THE PARK"
"There's no park here. How did you get in here?" "WHERE'S THE PARK?"

Posted by aurelie I nominate mindhacker. While on the other side of a locked gate on government property, that the guard himself locked 20 minutes ago. "WHERE IS THE PARK I WAS LOOKING FOR THE PARK" "There's no park here. How did you get in here?" "WHERE'S THE PARK?"

This story must surely win. He was fantastic. Louie's addition of "no, we don't have keys. Wait, you have keys to this place? THATS SO COOL" was cute

Who's the one who got caught on location and said:

"Man I can't even take pictures??? This place sucks!" and stormed off leaving behind a very confused security guard.

I nominate NickSan for, at Taunton, once helping everyone else get over the fence, encountering a guard outside the fence. When confronted, and asked what he was doing, he said something along the lines of "Just trying to take some fucking pictures of this building before you knock it down."

The guard decided it was best to let him do what he wanted.

Posted by TheVicariousVadder Who's the one who got caught on location and said: "Man I can't even take pictures??? This place sucks!" and stormed off leaving behind a very confused security guard.

Posted by hydrotherapy I nominate NickSan for, at Taunton, once helping everyone else get over the fence, encountering a guard outside the fence. When confronted, and asked what he was doing, he said something along the lines of "Just trying to take some fucking pictures of this building before you knock it down." The guard decided it was best to let him do what he wanted.

These are the best. I lol'd.

I can see Nicksan doing that. I can also see him getting away with that.

Posted by junkyard I can see Nicksan doing that. I can also see him getting away with that.

Well he was attempting to just walk away when the guard rolled up, and upon the guard attempting to stop and detain him, well... the man told him exactly what he was doing there.

Had I been the guard, faced with an angry NickSan, I would have shit my pants.