After freshly discovering this forum Ive decided to share some of the resources Ive accumulated in the years Ive spent with various women in various stages of mental and emotional health. It has helped me immensely and I hope it can help some of you.

Being a victim of trauma or sexual abuse can't really be prevented. but to remain a victim or begin the healing path to survivordom comes down to a choice and that choice can only be made by the victim, in their own time. there's lots of self-help books for victims, but the only one I have found that does justice to victim's partners is called "Ghosts In the Bedroom" by Ken Graber. Pick This Book Up.

Another great book (dont laugh) is called "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Understanding Buddhism". It's not for your partner, it's for YOU. you are going to need it. Buddhism is essential for accepting and dealing with situations that are often out of your control and this book will lay the groundwork for getting your head straight about it.

finally if you need more specific and interactive help, there is Survivors And Friends (sandf.org) a great forum for both victims and the people who love them, and i highly suggest if you want to join that site that you remain anonymous and keep his/her name anonymous as well and whatever you do, DONT suggest that site to your partner unless they express a wish to join a forum like it. For a victim/survivor this is a very touchy subject and you can very easily humiliate them or destroy their trust in you if you are not careful.

if you just want to go into the forums and read, you will find a lot of very useful information that will help you deal with conflict and better understand your partner, whatever their dark history may be. you will learn a lot about yourself, too.

Excellent post! I should take a look myself.

Thanks for posting. That Buddhism book is actually decent

I wish I had known about this before my relationship with my ex dive bombed. Its been hard for me to cope with what happened to HIM and that he can't seem to get over and carrys around every bad thing around. Even harder to cope with the fact that he left me and told me he appreciated me trying to help but there was no help for him.

Maybe this will help me find some peace cuz Im still not sure how to deal with all my emotions.

Posted by Senseriffic I wish I had known about this before my relationship with my ex dive bombed. Its been hard for me to cope with what happened to HIM and that he can't seem to get over and carrys around every bad thing around. Even harder to cope with the fact that he left me and told me he appreciated me trying to help but there was no help for him. Maybe this will help me find some peace cuz Im still not sure how to deal with all my emotions.

You know what, I think it would be great if you posted a thread where we could all discuss it because this forum really needs a new thread to focus on.

One in which the respondents and their energy involved actually get listened to, put to good use and stuck to by someone with a brain in their heads.

The best thing about educating yourself about the pitfalls and warning signs of someone dealing with trauma is that you can establish and nurture trust at the outset of the relationship, or recognise when to cut loose before you become too invested.

lol I think its better for everyone if I didn't go into depth about that relationship. I've looked at it from many angles but really the only thing left for me to do is heal.

I think in my case it was best it ended and he really did both of us a favor, it was over months before he ended it and I have learned my lesson... when ya see the red flags... run. lol