So... ok I need to know if I am just being a chick and overthinking this or being on target, here is the deal:

I am an emotional person being female and all, but I am really good about seeing the other persons side of things and I always tend to feel bad afterwards like I did something wrong. Today, was a rough day for both me and my boyfriend. He of course has a lot on his mind with matters that are out of both of our hands now and today when he picked me up from work we went to our favorite bar to have a drink. During this we decided to get food (buffet). Now when I was young I was taught to always get my moneys worth. So I fully intended to, I know he doesn't eat alot so I figured I'd make it quick for him seeing we both had a long day. Not 2 plates in he gets up and says, "I'm going to go sit in the car" Awesome, my boyfriend just left me at the restaurant to eat alone.

My selfish side says to be really pissed because the one who won't let me open my own door ever just left me here alone cuz he was ready to pass out. I just want to scream out, IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! On the other hand my history tells me that I need to understand that he had a hard day, to stop thinking about myself & forgive him because men think in the 'now' and doesn't know better. What would you do?

Yes, he wasn't being a dick. You would know if he was being a dick.

I just want to scream out, IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!

You are not overthinking this. That statement tells me that this is not the first time you have had that urge. He may open doors for you but that is the easy part of a relationship. Hmmmm maybe he could have said Honey I don't mean to rush you but this day from hell beat me down. I really want to get out of here. That is how you and I might have handled that but stripes are stripes and they don't change.

95% of the time when you girls think us guys are being a dick, we really have no clue why we pissed you off. We tend to be more logical (IE: I don't feel well, and she is till working on her food, I will just go layback in the seat of the Camaro for a while and relax and she can finish her food in peace) Don't overthink it. We usually say EXACTLY what we mean and think. Its why you think we are dicks?

Posted by zipper So... ok I need to know if I am just being a chick and overthinking this or being on target, here is the deal: I am an emotional person being female and all, but I am really good about seeing the other persons side of things and I always tend to feel bad afterwards like I did something wrong. Today, was a rough day for both me and my boyfriend. He of course has a lot on his mind with matters that are out of both of our hands now and today when he picked me up from work we went to our favorite bar to have a drink. During this we decided to get food (buffet). Now when I was young I was taught to always get my moneys worth. So I fully intended to, I know he doesn't eat alot so I figured I'd make it quick for him seeing we both had a long day. Not 2 plates in he gets up and says, "I'm going to go sit in the car" Awesome, my boyfriend just left me at the restaurant to eat alone. My selfish side says to be really pissed because the one who won't let me open my own door ever just left me here alone cuz he was ready to pass out. I just want to scream out, IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! On the other hand my history tells me that I need to understand that he had a hard day, to stop thinking about myself & forgive him because men think in the 'now' and doesn't know better. What would you do?

Why the hell don't you just ask HIM?

WE can't read his mind!

If you are overweight, and it bothers him, he was being a dick. If not, he was just passing out and not thinking nearly hard enough to be a dick. Somewhat inconsiderate, but not up into the dick region.

Honey, I just got out of something that sounds similar to what you're involved in.

One of those "Me me me" things. I'd say something, he'd get pissed off and think that I chose the wrong thing to be annoyed about.

When you're in a relationship, males especially, and this is from my own experience, need to think everything they say and do through at least twice, once from their perspective and once from the perspective of the other person, because your actions don't only affect you anymore. Basically, it's what Shellyl said, it's not all about you.

If you just try being as inconsiderate of him as he was of you just once, maybe he'll get the hint. Some people though, it takes more than once. In my case, I got sick and tired of putting up with it and blew up over something that I probably shouldn't have, but what it came down to was he would rather spend time with cars and ATV's than with me. All I said was thanks, you managed to buy something else (an ATV) that'll just take more of the very little precious time I have with you so I'll never see you. Needless to say, he ended it there.

But what it comes down to is, maybe you need to reevaluate the situation and figure out if this is an isolated incident, then what you want to do about fixing it, or not fixing it.

Shael

I'm kind of getting the feeling it is one isolated incident at a time. I think it's the fact of being inconsiderate that bothers me the most. First, I am not overweight to answer the question above. Secondly I think it's funny all the guys have said we're dumb and don't know better. I do take that into account but leaving me at a restaurant? Why couldn't he have just avoided dinner altogether and we'd have gone home, incident avoided.

I am very careful about taking his feelings into account, it could just be because we're still getting used to eachother (6 months +) but I still feel hurt and I'm sure when he reads this I will get some sort of reaction.

Thanks for everyones input.

zipper

Posted by zipper Secondly I think it's funny all the guys have said we're dumb and don't know better.

I am a guy and i never said that.

and I'm sure when he reads this I will get some sort of reaction.

TALK TO HIM.

Posted by steponmebbbboom TALK TO HIM.

This, but don't wait too long to do it or you come off as a nutter that's been clutching onto a pretty unimportant incident for DAYS and only springing it on him now, once you've had time to form some crazy theories and plow through a thousand "what if" scenarios.

Now that will make you look crazy, clingy, and slightly neurotic. Either address something right away, or be cool with just letting it go. And actually letting it go, not just pretending.

Posted by hydrotherapy This, but don't wait too long to do it or you come off as a nutter that's been clutching onto a pretty unimportant incident for DAYS and only springing it on him now, once you've had time to form some crazy theories and plow through a thousand "what if" scenarios. Now that will make you look crazy, clingy, and slightly neurotic. Either address something right away, or be cool with just letting it go. And actually letting it go, not just pretending.

Of course I am going to talk to him about it, the incident ocurred with him under the influence of alcohol. 99% of the time he is intoxicated he does not remember the incidences that occur. Now with that said, we got home, he passed out in bed and I had to leave for work this morning and have yet to have a chance to see him.

Therein lies the question: Do you confront him at the time of said influences or do you wait until you can sit face to face sober?

Posted by zipper Of course I am going to talk to him about it, the incident ocurred with him under the influence of alcohol. 99% of the time he is intoxicated he does not remember the incidences that occur. Now with that said, we got home, he passed out in bed and I had to leave for work this morning and have yet to have a chance to see him. Therein lies the question: Do you confront him at the time of said influences or do you wait until you can sit face to face sober?

How drunk are we talking? If he was messed up enough that you couldn't talk to him, you may have your reason why he went to lay down in the car....

Posted by zipper So... ok I need to know if I am just being a chick and overthinking this......today when he picked me up from work we went to our favorite bar to have a drink. During this we decided to get food (buffet). Now when I was young I was taught to always get my moneys worth. So I fully intended to, I know he doesn't eat alot so I figured I'd make it quick for him seeing we both had a long day. Not 2 plates in he gets up and says, "I'm going to go sit in the car"

Posted by zipper the incident ocurred with him under the influence of alcohol. 99% of the time he is intoxicated he does not remember the incidences that occur. Now with that said, we got home, he passed out in bed

If he got drunk enough to black out and not remember anything in the time it took you to shovel two plates of food into your mouth, we need to be talking about alcoholism; not a guy getting up in the middle of dinner and going to sit in the car after going out to "have a drink" after work.

was it one drink, or ten?

Sounds like he just had a bad day and wasn't feeling well and/or thinking straight. Guys have those days sometimes.

Like everyone else said, talk to him about it. Let him know you were uncomfortable with what he did, but don't make him feel like the worst person in the world for it.

Is it possible that during either of your trips up to the buffet line he was giving off any hints that he didn't want to be there any longer that you could have missed, and instead of getting in a fight about it in the middle of a bar he opted to just wait out side for you?

But as everyone else in this thread has said, we are not him, we can't tell you what he was thinking. But it does sound like you are living too much in your head. As much of a bitch it is to tell some one right away "Hey x y or z bothered me, and I know that you've had a hard day blah blah blah" it gets harder the longer it gets put off, and your more likely to seem like a nutter when you bring it up in 3 weeks after obsessing about it and applying it to all other aspects of your relationship.

Posted by [23] Is it possible that during either of your trips up to the buffet line he was giving off any hints that he didn't want to be there any longer that you could have missed, and instead of getting in a fight about it in the middle of a bar he opted to just wait out side for you? But as everyone else in this thread has said, we are not him, we can't tell you what he was thinking. But it does sound like you are living too much in your head. As much of a bitch it is to tell some one right away "Hey x y or z bothered me, and I know that you've had a hard day blah blah blah" it gets harder the longer it gets put off, and your more likely to seem like a nutter when you bring it up in 3 weeks after obsessing about it and applying it to all other aspects of your relationship.

If you don't talk about the small things eventually something like where he adjusted the car seat will be the straw that breakes the camels back, you'll blow up about something that actually has nothing to do with why your mad and he will be blindsided and wonder WTF just happened.

Posted by jeepdave If you don't talk about the small things eventually something like where he adjusted the car seat will be the straw that breakes the camels back, you'll blow up about something that actually has nothing to do with why your mad and he will be blindsided and wonder WTF just happened.

Such is the story of my own experience Dave.

Mostly because if I brought up the little things, he'd turn them into big things.

Shael

I just want to thank you for reminding me that one of the benefits of getting older is that you eventually realize that none of this idiotic shit matters.

Posted by MutantMandias I just want to thank you for reminding me that one of the benefits of getting older is that you eventually realize that none of this idiotic shit matters.

word.
sometimes men just want to be pissed off for a bit.
and yes... the fastest way to find a fault is to over think its existence.

Posted by jeepdave If you don't talk about the small things eventually something like where he adjusted the car seat will be the straw that breakes the camels back, you'll blow up about something that actually has nothing to do with why your mad and he will be blindsided and wonder WTF just happened.

Agreed!