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UER Forum > Private Boards Index > Humour > drunkle steve's stories (Viewed 2890 times)
don_corleyone 


Location: F/RoX
Gender: Male
Total Likes: 11 likes


I have abandonment issues

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drunkle steve's stories
< on 5/15/2010 7:25 PM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum
i've been asked by many to do this for a long time, but i haven't really been motivated til now.

expect many more.



[last edit 5/16/2010 4:25 PM by don_corleyone - edited 1 times]

leave the gun. take the cannoli.

don_corleyone 


Location: F/RoX
Gender: Male
Total Likes: 11 likes


I have abandonment issues

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Re: drunkle steve's stories
< Reply # 1 on 5/15/2010 7:26 PM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum
THE BOAT SECKS STORY


aka: i hope this doesn't get me banned



once upon a time, there was a boy named steve.

steve moved to the beach for the summer. it was a good time. there was always a special at a local bar and a party at someone's house. the drinks were flowing, the sun was shining, and the babes were everywhere. i promise, never a dull moment living at the beach.

one day, steve and one of his female roommates get a little drunky. they get a little bit randy. they flirt, they give chace, so they decide to have teh secks.

they drive her car to a place near the river, and started to fuck on the front passnger seat for a while. but neither steve nor the girl are feeling it in the car. fortunately there happen to be 4 or 5 boats docked along the river. being that it is 4am and nobody is about, steve and the young lady figure it'll be ok to use a boat. no one will mind.


...CENSORED...


after our hero and his companion have been at it a while, the sun starts to make its way to the horizon. as the light fills the morning sky, steve starts to notice an unusually stickyness unique to even this usually wet activity. a quick scouting of the area hints at an unusally dark color spreading thru the combined nether regions .

when steve moves his hand close enough to his face to see what has collected, his heart stops and he gasps....

he jumps up and strains to see in the low light. he hopes he is wrong... it just can't be possible!!! please, god, don't let it be true!

but sure enough, the young lady has started her period. not just any normal period. it appears as if the woman would bleed out. she is GUSHING.

but even worse, being that they were on the water late, late at night, about a bazillion mosquitos had been attracted to the scent of sweet, sweet blood. in their lust for forage, they had been smashed by the throws of passion betwixt the two on the boat. it looked like someone had poured pounds of pepper on them.

our hero stood on the bow of the boat looking out over the river covered nipples to knees in secks juice, period blood, and a horde of dead, smashed mosquitos. he is disgusted and he is livid.

steve tells his companion to put her fucking clothes on so they can leave before people wake up to retrieve their boats. the sun is almost fully up now. when they get back to the car, they can plainly see that the tan interior, windshield, windows, dashboard, and their clothes are covered in blood. it looks like they killed a large animal on the front seat with a kitchen fork.

thank GOD it is her car and not his. they drive home and she says "we can't park this in the garage like this. it'll take us forever to clean up."

steve replies, "bullshit... it'll take YOU forever to clean up. fuck that nonsense." and goes inside, showers, and goes to bed.

the end



[last edit 5/16/2010 4:26 PM by don_corleyone - edited 2 times]

leave the gun. take the cannoli.

Cossette 


Location: F/RoX
Gender: Female
Total Likes: 8 likes


If u smacked a kid in the face w/a bottle of Johnson's NoMore Tears would it create beautiful irony

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Re: drunkle steve corley's stories
< Reply # 2 on 5/15/2010 7:57 PM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum
I know there were many before I was your roomie but there have many since I have been and well your my bro so there will be many more.....point being name of this thread should be drunken F/RoX twins stories lol





oh fuck I am drunk as we speak at 3 pm on a sat and have to get ready for work faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawk! lol I blame you errrrrr actually it's all my fault


btw wtf happened on the cab ride home last night cause I was way too drunk to remember anything after beer pong at benz street and I know maypost and I went to hookah bar and well anything after that was a blur............ (BTW fuck your mother for roofing with out me you know how much I love to climb shit douche wad!!!)




"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe
don_corleyone 


Location: F/RoX
Gender: Male
Total Likes: 11 likes


I have abandonment issues

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Re: drunkle steve's stories
< Reply # 3 on 5/15/2010 8:22 PM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum
THE SILVER SPARKLEY MOTORCYCLE HELMET STORY



once upon a time, there was a boy named steve

on senior skip day, a bunch of friends came to steve's house, cuz his momma bought into skip day and didn't care (but their parent's did, and thought they were going to school). when everyone woke back up, we all went to mike's house.


at mike's house, we all pulled out our weed and proceeded to smoke. not a little bit.... a whole fucking lot bit. steve noticed a 1970's style silver sparkley motorcycle helmet in mike's bedroom, and asked to see it. he put it on.

something magical happened - in that he never, ever, ever wanted to take it off.


naysayers spoke up. they ranted and raved. they called names, they denied. "you will NOT wear that thing all day." "there's NO WAY".

steve said something along the lines of "I'M STEVE FUCKING CORLEY, HAVE YOU FUCKING MET ME?"


and so steve wore the helmet all day. to denny's for breakfast. to the bowling alley. to the arcade. to his driving lesson (yes, still high as balls). back home to mommy's house. all the while wearing the sliver sparkley motorcycle helmet.


well, one day, several weeks later, steve and his friends decide to go to taco bell for lunch (what else does every growing teenager need?). steve's current ride is a full-size chevy blazer (see junkyard's SBC vehicle for reference). obviously, you can fit a lot of people and shit in this machine. steve and about 10 friends climbed in. someone sitting in the tailgate area grabbed the silver sparkley motorcylce helmet and shouted "JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"

to which steve simply replied, "gimme... i'll wear it the rest of the day".


naysayers spoke up. they ranted and raved. they called names, they denied. "you will NOT wear that thing all day." "there's NO WAY".

steve said something along the lines of "I'M STEVE FUCKING CORLEY, HAVE YOU FUCKING MET ME?"


obviously, steve put on the silver sparkley motorcycle helmet, and started the truck. he proceeded to drive out of the school parking lot and pulled onto the street.


at this point, after turning onto the two lane highway, steve notices about 12 young black girls crossing the street. they're in the middle of the left lane, and they notice him, so they stop before the yellow line. steve stops.... but the girls are stopped too. so steve goes. 2, 5, 10 mph. 11 girls stand in place. one walks in front of the truck.






THE TRUCK HITS THE CHICK AND SHE DROPS LIKE A ROCK.






steve slams the chevy in park and jumps out to attend to the victim. "OMG OMG OMG ARE YOU OK? OMFG CAN YOU WALK? JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" the girl stands up and says she's fine. gets together with her friends, walks around brushes herself off, and then they all resume their journey to KFC (obv)


steve gets back in the truck and starts to drive.... very slowly. very fucking carefully. for about 2 minutes. in complete silence.


AND THEN EVERYONE ELSE IN THE CAR STARTS LAUGHING AT ONCE. HARD. VERY HARD.


steve turns and says "wtf is wrong with you people? i just hit a goddamn pedestrian with my vehicle! you people are laughing? wtf is wrong with you?"


in unison: "YOU'RE WEARING THE SILVERY SPARKLEY MOTORCYCLE HELMET"


11 black 16-year olds watch their friend get mowed down by a huge black blazer, and out jumps a crazy white dude wearing a fucking silver sparkley motorcycle helmet like it's his job.



we continue to taco bell, and eat tacos whilst cracking up and giggling uncontrollably. we finish, then drive back to school, get out of the truck, and start to walk back into school.


naysayers spoke up. they ranted and raved. they called names, they denied. "you will NOT wear that thing all day." "there's NO WAY".

steve said something along the lines of "I'M STEVE FUCKING CORLEY, HAVE YOU FUCKING MET ME?"


5th period was fine. people looked, they glared. some whistled, some giggled. many pointed and laughed. the teacher rolled his eyes.


the 6th period bell rang. as everyone emerged into the hallway, the head security guard saw steve down the hall. i mean, steve was wearing a silver sparkley motorcycle helmet.


security guard jones asks in a rather loud voice, from halfway down the hall "STEVE CORLEY... DO YOU DRIVE A BIG BLACK JEEP?"


"yes, jonesy"


"get your ass over here NOW...... AND TAKE OFF THAT GODDAMN HELMET."









[last edit 5/16/2010 4:26 PM by don_corleyone - edited 1 times]

leave the gun. take the cannoli.

Rinzler 


Location: New Jersey
Gender: Neither
Total Likes: 853 likes


Nomad

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Re: drunkle steve corley's stories
< Reply # 4 on 5/15/2010 8:28 PM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum
Remember you were drunk off your ass at DCCC? You couldnt even walk down the hill because this small wire kept getting in your way and it took you about 20 minutes to figure out a solution to get by it. All you had to do was lift your foot like 3 inches to get over it. I just kind of stood there and laughed for about 20 minutes.

Oh and the best part is, you texted me about 3 weeks later looking for your tripod. Guess you forgot you left it there while you were napping in the woods for about 2 hours.




Wiccan 


Location: Hamilton Ontario
Gender: Female
Total Likes: 15 likes




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Re: drunkle steve corley's stories
< Reply # 5 on 5/16/2010 3:18 AM >
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The silver sparkly motorcycle helmet story is most inspiring. Though I think a green sparkley helmet,complete with antennae would be the most. Like the Great Gazoo character from The Flintstones. It would add a certain I-don't-know-what.




big dave 


Location: SoCal
Gender: Male
Total Likes: 23 likes




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Re: drunkle steve corley's stories
< Reply # 6 on 5/16/2010 3:56 AM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum
I wanna see pics of this roommate.




An armed society, is a polite society. So lets get to it!
don_corleyone 


Location: F/RoX
Gender: Male
Total Likes: 11 likes


I have abandonment issues

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Re: drunkle steve's stories
< Reply # 7 on 5/16/2010 4:44 PM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum
Posted by big dave
I wanna see pics of this roommate.




no, but here's a pic of me in the helmet. about 8 years after the story happened. passed out on the couch, in what i can only imagine is drunken stupor.







leave the gun. take the cannoli.

don_corleyone 


Location: F/RoX
Gender: Male
Total Likes: 11 likes


I have abandonment issues

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Re: drunkle steve's stories
< Reply # 8 on 5/16/2010 8:54 PM >
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Posted on Forum: UER Forum




leave the gun. take the cannoli.

UER Forum > Private Boards Index > Humour > drunkle steve's stories (Viewed 2890 times)


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