Yesterday they foreclosed on my bf's mother's house. His entire family knew she stopped paying her mortgage a year ago, and that this was coming. I started mentioning to them back then that they should start looking into putting her on the waiting lists for the senior housing developments in our area.

Well, lo and behold, nobody did a damn thing, including my bf. Foreclosure was yesterday and now everybody is scrambling to try to find a place for her to go.

Her other son already has both his in-laws living with him. His sister is living in a two bedroom condo with 4 kids. And of course I'm the one with a small office in my house which everyone says "could be converted into a bedroom for mom".

MY history is that I took in my ex-husband's father for a year. It was a disaster. After that I took my own father in, which was just emotionally painful because he was sick. Currently I have my six year old niece living with me and she will never be going back with her parents. Quite frankly, I just don't feel like doing this again.

Last year each of the other siblings talked about moving in with her to help save her house. Its a huge house, and had plenty of room to comfortably fit everyone. The concensus was that NOBODY WANTED TO LIVE WITH HER. Her other son actually lived across the street from her and moved because he said it was way too close to her "nonsense", whatever that means.

So now everybody is looking to ME to make the decision to take her in, because my bf actually lives in my home. If I say no, we all know what happens. I'll be loathed by his family for eternity. If I say yes, then I'll be miserable.

Advice?

is the bf a keeper, or can you get rid of him?

Posted by don_corleyone is the bf a keeper, or can you get rid of him?

As much as I did laugh at this, it's the truth.

From one divorcee to another, I need to steal your avatar.

Maybe I'll have more helpful advice when I sober up in the morning/afternoon.

Don't do it.

It's the responsibility of the children, not the children's gf to take care of mom.

The children should put mom up in an nice economy apartment until the find a permanent place for her. Sometimes the family of your significant other can be a pain but you should never compromise yourself or your beliefs to appease them.

Yah this doesn't look good, but that's BS. All of the kids should have planned for this and since they haven't share the load evenly.

This isn't standing your ground on some piddly shit either, this is having a non-relative (who sounds like she's lovely) move into your house while you're already supporting another relative and completely changing your life. Eff that. If you become an outcast of the family, oh well. At least you'll know you don't suck like the rest of them.

Believe me, for one second I did think about how this would all go away if I dumped the bf. But bf is a keeper.

I'm a recovering people pleaser. Meaning, I spent a lot of my life keeping the people around me happy even if it meant I wasn't. But believe me, all you need is a bout with cancer and a nasty divorce to snap you out of that! Both of those rotten things happened to me and I have been determined to stop doing things I don't want to do, just to keep others happy.

The other thing is that I just don't like the woman. And obviously I'm not out in space on this one because none of her own kids wanted to move in with her to save her home; even though she agreed to sign the home over to whoever moved in. She also has no relationship with any of her own brothers and sisters.

Sometimes people on the outside can see things much more clearly than the people standing right in the middle of it. So when in doubt, turn to the UER Pissed Off Forum!

BTW Steed, you may indeed steal my avatar. We know what its like, don't we!

Posted by Debi even though she agreed to sign the home over to whoever moved in.

I just blinked and my eyes turned into dollar signs. That is a complete game changer right there. How long do you think she's go to live?

-------


Can't you guys just sell the house and use that money to pay for her new housing? Obviously that may take months to do and maybe some other relative can take her in for that time.

Nope, too late. Foreclosure sale was yesterday.

We thought about selling her house to get her a smaller, more affordable place, but she was upside down on the mortgage.

She doesn't have a foot in the grave either. She's only in her early 60's and has lots of piss and vingar left in her.

I think thats the problem. I could probably take an old woman who sits around crocheting and baking cookies. This woman comes to my house and tells me what I should be doing. You know, "you should plant your flowers, mow your grass, get shutters for your house, repair your fence, change the color of this carpet" . . . etc etc etc.

Maybe my avatar should say "Its better to have loved and lost, than to put up with his mother for the rest of your life". LOL

You have every fucking right to be selfish. It's your house that you paid for and if you don't want someone living in it, that's your right. If someone calls you selfish, just say, "Damn. Right." and go have a drink in your office.

Deb, in all honesty, you have to do what feels right for you. This may be painful and it be uncomfortable, but if you've already been down this road and know what's waiting there, don't do it again. If you boyfriend is a keeper, he'll understand your stance and if he's truly a keeper, he'll stand by your decision and look for something else for the mom.

being forced into something like this would just poison your relationship and he'd be gone anyway. Also, make it clear that you'd didn't come to this decision to be a mean bitch...

Bad, bad idea.

Deb, dont do it. If you let them use you as a bail out, itll be teaching them that being irresponsible has no consequences, and someone will always be there to fix their mistakes. Its not your responsibility to fix peoples problems and degrade your lifestyle by letting others intrude on it. Tell your boyfriend and his family to grow up and take car of their own problems.

She isn't your family, and not your responsibility. If it were me I'd tell all to fuck off, but I'm a rude asshole so..

just because the BF is a keeper doesn't mean you have to bend over and take it in the exit for his family.. last I checked he was living in YOUR home. I had an office once.. I miss it.

Posted by jacunda It's the responsibility of the children, not the children's gf to take care of mom.

This.

Posted by Debi I'm a recovering people pleaser. Meaning, I spent a lot of my life keeping the people around me happy even if it meant I wasn't. But believe me, all you need is a bout with cancer and a nasty divorce to snap you out of that! Both of those rotten things happened to me and I have been determined to stop doing things I don't want to do, just to keep others happy.

Ahh people pleasers. I had a tendency to be nice to others and go the extra mile for them, but I expected the same back and that is/was a somewhat unrealistic expectation for many people (sans a few). But maybe it's just easy to be cynical about it. Anyway.

You've done it once, twice, and you didn't like it. You probably won't be happy living with her if you decide to let her move in. It may get to the point where you'll hate coming home (to your own home) to her whining and complaining every night, and this may eventually put a strain on your relationship with your boyfriend.

Don't do it.

Your house, your rules, if the family can't respect that, fuck em.

Posted by JBuss She isn't your family, and not your responsibility. If it were me I'd tell all to fuck off, but I'm a rude asshole so..

THIS

Poison her. Problem solved.

Or help...help as in 'assist' and not 'receive' the family find her appropriate accommodations. But DO NOT let her move into your home.

Or not.

Best case scenario is that she bequeaths her estate to YOU; worst case is that she's hell, and ruins your relationship with the bf, and then there's always the possibility that you're stuck with her, or that she dies in your house and blah blah blah.

So basically...poison her

Posted by Debi Currently I have my six year old niece living with me and she will never be going back with her parents.

Would it be fair for your niece to have her move in? Thats probably one thing you could put a little thought into. Maybe the small office needs to be made into a bedroom for your niece. If she already has one, maybe it needs to be a play room.

If shes just six and is not likely going back to live with her parents, she would probably thrive in an environment where shes getting lots of love and attention. as in not with another adult living in the house who is bound to cause a commotion at some point down the road. Its none of my business whatsoever, but if shes going to be brought up by family members and not her parents, shes most likely already had a tough six years.

I have another idea...

Have you looked at apartments for her? If she doesn't need assisted living, maybe a small one bedroom somewhere near you might be the answer?

Maybe you could help her find a place of her own where she'll be happy?

My parents considered it with my grandmother before she died, after my sister moved out we had a spare bedroom. I freaked out because there was no way in hell I would stay in a house with this woman. I loved my grandmother to pieces, don't get me wrong, but this was the woman that when I was a kid would show up at my house when my mom got our VA and Social Security benefit checks with her hand out. She continued this behavior whenever my mom would tell her I got a new job or a raise or whatever. She continued it until shortly before she got ill and I was not going to put up with her in my house, not after that. I rarely gave in, but...

I would pay the taxes on her house after I got my present job just to make sure she wouldn't have to live with me. 1200 dollars a year was a small price to pay to keep her out of my house.

It is not being selfish, it's keeping your sanity.

Maybe a similar arrangement might help you? Not paying for her to live somewhere, but maybe just helping her find a place might be an answer.