some time in 2004, i got a strange message on livejournal. it seems that my "mother" found me there somehow. i am adopted, i have known this most of my life. i have had very little contact with this woman who gave birth to me way back in 1971.
well, in the past 2 years i have found that i have a "sister" and "brother" who speaks for most of them as his english is very good.
tonight on facebook, i got a message from the girl who is my "sister" she is much younger than i and has a newborn, and a husband. her message to me was very badly writen but i got it. "do you consider me your sister?" is what i got out of it as she speaks only french.
i will not share my reply as it is still in the form of a draft and im sure it will be edited before i send it.
the reason for this thread is to anyone else who is adopted and has met the "other" family or siblings, to share thier thoughts on this to help me understand better what this means.

on a side note. my mom (the one who raised me) has never told me of this woman. the story i got is that they dont know where i "came" from.

I'm not adopted,but have had experience with a family member who recently met her sister. Because my family member initiated the search,in general it seemed that it was up to the sister as to whether or not they were going to maintain contact,if that makes sense. So what I take from your sister's statement is perhaps she may be wondering if you're interested in maintaining contact,or becoming a part of the family? I could be way off,but those are my thoughts.

I also had two (not blood) cousins who were adopted out as babies when their mother passed away. Their aunt initiated the search to find them. They met a few years ago but ultimately the children (now adults) eventually shut the family out,for reasons unknown. Because their aunt felt like she was intruding on their lives all contact has now been lost. Just another example of how much of what will occur seems to depend on the person who didn't initiate the search. Seems like she's implying that the ball's in your court.

Best of luck to you.

I think what Wiccan said is right, though I haven't seen the rest of the message so I cannot be sure.

If that is the case...I'd say why not take some time to get to know the girl? She may be a great person. Always keep in mind though: Love many, trust few.

Good luck and god speed : )

I know someone who started looking for information about her birth mother and father. She hired a private detective who eventually found out that the mother was somewhat nuts, and had died a little while earlier, and that there was a half brother and half sister. Their lives had been completely chaotic, with abuse and neglect, while my friend had been adopted and raised by very loving parents.

The half sister seemed to have her life a little more together and actually didn't want to have any contact, but the half brother communicated via email for a while. Eventually, my friend felt that she had to cut off communications with him because the guy was just so messed up. Maybe the half sister had assumed that my friend would be crazy too, or maybe she just didn't want anything to do with that part of her past.

So, anyway, "family" often comes with a lot of baggage. If you have shared experiences and culture, that baggage can be dealt with more easily, but if you get thrown in with people that you wouldn't put up with for any other reason, don't put too much value on the "family" part. Family means a lot more than blood.

Both my best friend and my fiance are going through similar situations. I think if you approach it without high expectations, it will be an easier process.

Initially my fiance was estatic to know he had two sisters from a relationship his dad had before he died. But they ended up being a bit psychotic, and started making lots of demands on his as "the older brother" who should be looking out for them. He pretty much severed the relationship after one of the sisters tried to pick his son up from school. Reminded me of that scene in Fatal Attraction where Glenn Close kidnaps her lovers kid and brings her to the amusement park.

I think he had ideas in his head of meeting these girls, reminiscing about their dad, and just having your normal brother/sister relationship. The problem is that even though they are siblings, they are still strangers. He had a hard time processing that and his expectations helped to kill it.

I guess I would say to proceed slowly, and maybe keep your guard up just a bit.

thanks all for the input. it is not very likely that i will ever meet these people. we just "talk" thru the brother on facebook. this is the "deepest" question that "sister" has asked me, and she did it on her own as if she did not want to involve "brother" in this. "brother" and i have had many emails and a few chats on facebook. as i said he "speaks" for the family that lives way up in the great white north.