My bf isn't into urbex. He's come on one or two shoots but i'd enjoy it more if he came on some more. Every time I ask him he gives me the same type of excuse. I sit with him and watch him play xbox and other various activities he enjoys as a way of showing that I enjoy him so therefor I am making an attempt to enjoy or at least tolerate his hobbies. I have voiced this to him many times I'd like him to come out with me more often than not. I know that urbex is not for everyone, but I feel it is unfair that I put up with his stuff and he can't just come out with me for once.

I mean I play xbox as well, not as often as him, but I feel I am at least attempting to work in our relationship and I feel he doesn't even want to try.

It's not solely always about urbex, it's about anything. Shows I like, movies I'd like to see etc. We always end up watching his shows and when I start to watch mine he just rolls over and falls asleep. We end up seeing movies he wanted to see, now granted 9 times out of 10 i also wanted to see them, but there are other movies I'd also like to see and the one time we went to see one of mine he fell asleep at the god damned theater! I just feel again, like I'm making the attempt and he's not.

any advice either relationship wise or how to maybe have him come on shoots with more more often? Am I not communicating properly?

"Hey? You know that parkouring and adventuring we do in Prince of Persia and Silent Hill? Let's get off of the sofa do it for real!"

eh, hard to say. Id say when it comes to the xbox instead of watching him play when you don't want to just go do something you want to do. It'd be different if he demands that you watch him play. While hes parked infront of the xbox for a few hours go explore.

About the movies and stuff that might be something worth bringing up to him. I've allways watched what ever my gf's wanted to, but it does get annoying and almost torture like when i have to watch americas next top model. you know you should watch it and pretend to like it, but it gets agonizing. and thats not healthy either.

If dude wants to take a nap while somethings on that he doesnt like and you can cuddle with him while your watching it, it should be a win win situation.










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You guys could have your own time apart to do your own hobbies and hangout with your own friends and be your own seperate human beings. spending too much time with an SO is a good way to get sick of each other quickly or become codependent. Im not really good at articulating myself, but there needs to be a balance.

On getting him to go more often you most certianly can manipulate him into going, but if he really doesnt want to go dont force him. You allready said you dont enjoy watching him play xbox allday so why not do the exploring while he plays like i said. This will also give you guys something to talk about. Because if your around each other all the time theres really nothing to talk about.

I think compaq has it right.
You each are going to have your own interests, and it's admirable that you want to meld and make the relationship work. However, sitting through things you don't like all day in hopes that he'll sit through things he doesn't like all day really doesn't work in the long run :/
You're better realizing that you can have your 'you time' where you do whatever you want to your hearts content and he does the same, and then you come together and do something you two DO both enjoy.
I suggest starting by finding a list of things you both have interest in- have you sat down and tried to brainstorm? He may want to go to a car show in town that you were thinking about too, and you just never brought it up to each other. Or there might be an exhibit at the museum that you both have interest in, etc. Sit down and talk it out, you might be pleasantly surprised.

This is actually pretty similar to my relationship with my boyfriend. He likes to play video games a lot and he's very picky about his movies. I like to get outside and explore/hike/walk etc.

You said right at the beginning that he just isn't into UE. That's basically all there is to it. He tried it, it's not his thing. You two should try and find more things you enjoy doing together. Let UE be your thing and let gaming be his thing.

I took me awhile with this boyfriend to learn that just because we don't share every interest in common doesn't mean that we're doomed or that the relationship will be boring or whatevs... Just find a balance. If he wants to play games and you want to watch a movie find a way to do them both in the same room so at least you're close and can technically be together just not engaged in the same thing. I tend to find comfort and happiness in that simple alteration.

Your bf has already come out on a few photo shoots, so he was open to the possibility at one point. Taking photos of old crusty buildings full of dust and dirt are not to everyone's liking. I know I have difficulty trying to explain it to people.

You need to have your own interests and so does he.

The key question here is, is there ANY common ground? I know some couples where the male is sitting in front of the X-Box all day while the female is tending to the house and the children. Clearly not a healthy relationship and no, I don't own any video game system.

I wouldn't necessarily blame him for falling asleep at a movie, because there have been some that I've been dragged to where I've also come close.

The red flag here seems to be that there doesn't seem to be anything that the two of you enjoy doing together. What keeps you together? Beyond the physical attraction, there needs to be more... open communication, quiet time together, and some outings be it dining, social events with other couples, a play, etc.

A healthy relationship is built upon independance rather than reliance but there has to be some mutual activities. You can't just go about 'tolerating' his activities and he avoids yours.

If you're able to go out to dinner parties, agreed upon shows, country drives, etc. and actively communicate while doing so I would say you're in good hands. I wouldn't say that photography is something that both parties must actively participate in.

edit: also, UER is not a place that quickly forgets any dirty laundry that you air. keep this in mind when asking for advice.

I totally missed that you asked males for advice, so sorry for that I hope you don't mind an added feminine perspective.

Post by Intrinsic words

I agree wholeheartedly with this.

ok. so i gave this some thoght before i posted this.


its good to have common things that you both think are fun. i like fishing. i fish alot. do i think i need to include my s/o in that activity? only if she wants to.
sitting and watching him play xbox is not a good sign. if you want to include him in your hobby than do it. he will love it, hate it, or you both will get arrested.

Posted by heinrick "Hey? You know that parkouring and adventuring we do in Prince of Persia and Silent Hill? Let's get off of the sofa do it for real!"

oddly enough he used to do parkour he hurt his knees pretty bad and i want to say left shoulder popped out too much so he can no longer do it

Posted by compaq12986 eh, hard to say. Id say when it comes to the xbox instead of watching him play when you don't want to just go do something you want to do. It'd be different if he demands that you watch him play. While hes parked infront of the xbox for a few hours go explore. About the movies and stuff that might be something worth bringing up to him. I've allways watched what ever my gf's wanted to, but it does get annoying and almost torture like when i have to watch americas next top model. you know you should watch it and pretend to like it, but it gets agonizing. and thats not healthy either. If dude wants to take a nap while somethings on that he doesnt like and you can cuddle with him while your watching it, it should be a win win situation. ------------OR----------------- You guys could have your own time apart to do your own hobbies and hangout with your own friends and be your own seperate human beings. spending too much time with an SO is a good way to get sick of each other quickly or become codependent. Im not really good at articulating myself, but there needs to be a balance.

ok to sum up, ususally i do just explore when he wants to play xbox.

I hate america's next top model so i feel ya on that, i enjoy anime and he does as well, but I have a much broader sense of the word anime, so sometimes he hates the shows i like so i can undertsand it being agonizing.

its hard to cuddle when he falls asleep during this because he's usually behind me in a ball and the tvs in front so it's awkward to try and cuddle and watch at the same time, though ive tried and still try

and we def have our own time apart. problem being, and this is why i asked for adive, it seems like all it ever is is time doing our own things, and when we are together im bored or he's bored. I mean this isn't all the time, but most of the time. like I brought him to my friends wedding yesterday and it was a blast, sometimes we'll go down to the bar and thats great. id just like some together stuff that we both could have fun.

we did start playing castle crashers together which is fun and also he wants me to play tmnt or ghost busters as well. so maybe these will be the new together times?

Posted by Yield I think compaq has it right. You each are going to have your own interests, and it's admirable that you want to meld and make the relationship work. However, sitting through things you don't like all day in hopes that he'll sit through things he doesn't like all day really doesn't work in the long run :/ You're better realizing that you can have your 'you time' where you do whatever you want to your hearts content and he does the same, and then you come together and do something you two DO both enjoy. I suggest starting by finding a list of things you both have interest in- have you sat down and tried to brainstorm? He may want to go to a car show in town that you were thinking about too, and you just never brought it up to each other. Or there might be an exhibit at the museum that you both have interest in, etc. Sit down and talk it out, you might be pleasantly surprised.

i have tried brain storming. sometimes he'll be in the mood for darts or pool, of which both I enjoy so thats worked out. And most of the time watching him play is fine because then he'll let me hop on and play COD or assassins creed also, just sometimes that gets monotonous. but thanks for that! that means I was on the right track brain storming ideas with him!

making a list also sounds like a good plan. list is in our heads at the moment, maybe getting them down on paper might make it more concrete and could possibly lead to other enjoyable activities.

I agree sitting through things i don't enjoy and asking him to do the same won't work in the long run.

Posted by LauraBeth This is actually pretty similar to my relationship with my boyfriend. He likes to play video games a lot and he's very picky about his movies. I like to get outside and explore/hike/walk etc. You said right at the beginning that he just isn't into UE. That's basically all there is to it. He tried it, it's not his thing. You two should try and find more things you enjoy doing together. Let UE be your thing and let gaming be his thing. I took me awhile with this boyfriend to learn that just because we don't share every interest in common doesn't mean that we're doomed or that the relationship will be boring or whatevs... Just find a balance. If he wants to play games and you want to watch a movie find a way to do them both in the same room so at least you're close and can technically be together just not engaged in the same thing. I tend to find comfort and happiness in that simple alteration.

i agree. it's def not like he forces me to watch or i force him to come out. I think asking every now and again will be fine enough and hey! maybe someday he'll even ask if he could come?

i enjoy gaming too, just not all he likes. I'm more of a puzzle, arcade, indie game/racer type and he likes first person shooters and rpgs. so balance to that ^^^see post above^^^ i asked him to play castle crashers with me, its fun for me and him bc it's like an rpg kind of as well as a first person shooter kind of bc it's all in real time and you smack people with fish swords! and get little pets to follow you around. so maybe more of these things will help

i'm glad i'm not the only one in this type of situation, so thank you very much for acknowledging that! I know I'm not, it's just I didn't find another thread like this so I was hoping I wasn't, and that I'd get good feedback which I did!

Posted by Yield I totally missed that you asked males for advice, so sorry for that I hope you don't mind an added feminine perspective. I agree wholeheartedly with this.

haha thats is totally fine. i figured guys might be better at explaining to me ideas or advice on what to do. thank you regardless! i appreciate the time you took to write it out

Posted by Intrinsic A healthy relationship is built upon independance rather than reliance but there has to be some mutual activities. You can't just go about 'tolerating' his activities and he avoids yours. If you're able to go out to dinner parties, agreed upon shows, country drives, etc. and actively communicate while doing so I would say you're in good hands. I wouldn't say that photography is something that both parties must actively participate in. edit: also, UER is not a place that quickly forgets any dirty laundry that you air. keep this in mind when asking for advice.

i agree with basically all you have said. and I know about not airing out all my shit so I left a lot out. we do hang out a lot when our schedules work out. we do enjoy many activities together. I'd just enjoy it if maybe he came out with me on shoots a little more since I sit and participate in his activities.

we communicate alot. we have a lot of fun together when we do do stuff, just depends on what we r doing etc etc

Posted by cdevon ok. so i gave this some thoght before i posted this. its good to have common things that you both think are fun. i like fishing. i fish alot. do i think i need to include my s/o in that activity? only if she wants to. sitting and watching him play xbox is not a good sign. if you want to include him in your hobby than do it. he will love it, hate it, or you both will get arrested.

well thank god we haven't gotten arrested yet! He has come out, and has done other things I like. he really loves seeing all my photos, just doesn't dig coming into the places. so with all of the feedback I got I think I can start to make our relationship work a little more.

I'll make a list with him of things we both like, and start to just not always sit around and watch his shows/watch him play games and ask if he'd like to come, if not than I'll still head out, which I always end up doing regardless.

Posted by k8 intense it seems like all it ever is is time doing our own things, and when we are together im bored or he's bored. I mean this isn't all the time, but most of the time.

Erm. Have you considered maybe taking a week apart, entirely, from each other? Unless you've been together for half a decade plus, this isn't the best of signs.

Time apart may help you two realize each other still exist, or maybe give a better perspective if this is even worth throwing energy into.

Posted by hydrotherapy Erm. Have you considered maybe taking a week apart, entirely, from each other? Unless you've been together for half a decade plus, this isn't the best of signs. Time apart may help you two realize each other still exist, or maybe give a better perspective if this is even worth throwing energy into.

it's hard to explain this all through posts.

we hang out and are fine. I just don't like it sometimes when we hang at his place and he asks if he can play a round or two of whatever game he's playing at the time. or also at his place, if we get food and come back and he'll just turn on w e show he wants without asking---this has been getting much better because I voiced my irritation with this, and we will choose a show to watch together we both can enjoy. though sometimes he'll beg bc w e show he enjoys is airing a new episode that day, which i won;t be cunt and say no. I wouldn't want that done to me.

whenever i go away for a weekend shoot in mass or jersey or where ever he does miss me alot and usually will buy dinner the night i come back and we watch a movie we rent etc etc.

so time apart does work. He also not only bought me my xbox 360 for my birthday but also helped me buy my mac so he is a very considerate person, just needs some redirecting sometimes. and I really do enjoy our time together so yes to me it is truly worth the energy.

He's very supportive of my exploring, though as stated many times in here he's just not that into it, and he really enjoys seeing my work. When I went away to mass for a weekend in the winter he came over and dug out my driveway and porch for the dogs and our walkway to the front door without me even asking or saying anything. so he's really a great guy, just some flaws with certain things, and I'm probably no better, im not saying im a saint in the relationship at all, but I feel sometimes i try a bit more

Posted by k8 intense but I feel sometimes i try a bit more

Aside from everything else, I would suggest finding a way to deal with that feeling. Regardless of whether you try harder than he does, that resentment isn't something that'll help you.

Posted by k8 intense He also not only bought me my xbox 360 for my birthday but also helped me buy my mac so he is a very considerate person, just needs some redirecting sometimes.

Just make sure you don't associate 'he bought me stuff' with 'he's considerate'...