This has been pissing me off for about a week now, and it's good time I did some internet-yelling about it.

I work as a prep cook in a restaurant, with my friend (we'll call him Jasper) who's also a prep cook. We've worked together almost 2 years, and hang out outside of work fairly often.

About 2 months ago, we hired a new dishwasher (we'll call her Danielle). She struck me as odd, but that's pretty average in a kitchen. After a few weeks, Jasper mentioned to me one day that he'd been on a few dates with her, but wasn't interested.

Fast forward to last week; Jasper informs me that Danielle is pregnant, has cancer, and on top of it all, they're getting married. This is where it gets interesting. I mentioned this to a former coworker, and long time friend, who in turn told me he'd dated Danielle for a few months, and she'd pretended to be terminally ill with cancer. This was three years ago, and she's still using the fake cancer act.

I'm suspicious she's not actually pregnant either, as she's not showing at all, and has a small frame. She's an attention seeker, and I wouldn't put it past her. The Aggravating part is, Jasper's already been informed of all this, and is choosing to ignore it.

Is it my responsibility as a friend to try and intervene? They're living together with a joint bank account (all this after knowing each other a month), and she's working 1 day a week because of her "cancer".

I hate drama like this, and it pisses me off that there's people in the world that have such despicable qualities.

Honestly if your friend can knowingly marry someone who has lied about having cancer, he probably isn't too good of a person either. Even so, I would try to explain as clearly as possible that what he is doing is absurdly stupid. In the end he'll most likely go through with it though. You can't always keep someone from taking that flying leap over the edge, but you can always be there when he falls.

Yeah, if he is aware all of her...shortcomings and is being willfully ignorant, there's really not much that you can do aside from watch him learn a life lesson. It doesn't sound like there would be an overabundance of trust and communication in their relationship, so it likely has a expiration date in the near future.

I'd say you can only go so far with dealing with this.

It's possible this girl has had cancer and it's gone into remission, in which case it's a half-lie. But the whole "I'm pregnant and have cancer" thing is suspicious.

Here's what you should do: plant the idea in his head: "If someone were to lie about pregnancy to trick you into a relationship, the only response is to dump her." You have to make him agree, "Yeah, that would be a shitty thing, if it were to happen." Then if/when he finds out she's lying about being pregnant, maybe the idea you planted will be enough for him to do the right thing.

Push her down the stairs.

This is exactly what a friend of mine went through a few months ago. They met and "fell in love", she said she had cancer, then said she was pregnant so they had to get married.

Unfortunately, unless you are his closest, closest friend; any advice you give is likely going to be met with hostility.

My friend was lucky enough to walk in on her while she was fucking other dude, so his situation was sorted out rather quickly and neatly. As a side note, he and the dude she was fucking are now good friends. Life is funny.

There isn't a whole lot you can do. Sometimes the more you push the more friends can not hear what you are saying....that being said you could always invite that former co-worker of yours to happen to stop by when both Jasper and Danielle are there, see what happens.

Posted by L'Ali There isn't a whole lot you can do. Sometimes the more you push the more friends can not hear what you are saying....that being said you could always invite that former co-worker of yours to happen to stop by when both Jasper and Danielle are there, see what happens.

Great idea!!!!!!!! Time to buy a bottle of wine and send out the invitations in my opinion.

Posted by SaraBellum This is exactly what a friend of mine went through a few months ago. They met and "fell in love", she said she had cancer, then said she was pregnant so they had to get married. Unfortunately, unless you are his closest, closest friend; any advice you give is likely going to be met with hostility. My friend was lucky enough to walk in on her while she was fucking other dude, so his situation was sorted out rather quickly and neatly. As a side note, he and the dude she was fucking are now good friends. Life is funny.

We're pretty good friends, he's asked me to be in his wedding party, but considering that the person that tried to warn him is the best man, I don't think my word is going to help.

How do people fall for this stuff?

Posted by L'Ali There isn't a whole lot you can do. Sometimes the more you push the more friends can not hear what you are saying....that being said you could always invite that former co-worker of yours to happen to stop by when both Jasper and Danielle are there, see what happens.

I've thought about this, they've very briefly met before. It's worth a shot.


As for her lying about cancer, I'm about 100% sure it's not in remission, as she once attempted to simulate chemotherapy by cutting her hair short. You'd think someone faking terminal illness would take the time to learn that chemotherapy makes your hair fall out.

Yesterday, she claimed to have come down with pneumonia, and told Jasper she was going to the hospital. During this time she called me, and in a very healthy voice asked if I knew where she could get some pot. As someone who's had pneumonia, I can attest that smoking would be the last thing she'd want to do (especially while pregnant).

Looks like a meeting over beers is in order.

get her to pull an Ashley Kirilow

Curious to see how this turns out. I wonder if he'll get the point when she's supposedly 7 months along and still not showing. I predict she'll lie about having a miscarriage sooner or later. Is she the type to purposely get knocked up?

Posted by Oryx Curious to see how this turns out. I wonder if he'll get the point when she's supposedly 7 months along and still not showing. I predict she'll lie about having a miscarriage sooner or later. Is she the type to purposely get knocked up?

They're planning to have the wedding in August, and at that point it should be obvious whether or not she's really pregnant. I have the feeling she's going to fake a miscarriage like you said, but I wouldn't put it past her to get knocked up just to have a man in her life.

I say stary out of it. Let him marry her(IF it even gets to that point). She may be playing him, you may think you know it. But it's still not your place to tell him to not marry someone. Even if you are right, its still not your life, nor is it your choice. It sucks but thats part of being an adult... letting your adult fuck their own lives up.

Just be there when it goes to shit. That's the best possible help you can be. Speaking out will more than likely just destroy your friendship

Tie them together and set them on fire so they can't reproduce. Unfortunately you can't help others if they aren't wise enough to help themselves or see the situation they are in is horribly corrupt.

Posted by maypost I say stary out of it. Let him marry her(IF it even gets to that point). She may be playing him, you may think you know it. But it's still not your place to tell him to not marry someone. Even if you are right, its still not your life, nor is it your choice. It sucks but thats part of being an adult... letting your adult fuck their own lives up. Just be there when it goes to shit. That's the best possible help you can be. Speaking out will more than likely just destroy your friendship

I'm 95% sure he's only marrying her because he feels obligated, because she has an imaginary baby. I'd never outright tell him not to marry her, but as a friend I feel the obligation to try and warn him. He's already struggling financially, and I don't want to see him pour thousands of dollars he doesn't have into a wedding that's happening for disingenuous reasons.

I can't just stand by and let "it go to shit". Maybe it's a character flaw on my part, but it's just the way I am.

Posted by jeepdave Push her down the stairs.

LOL

Posted by maypost I say stary out of it. Let him marry her(IF it even gets to that point). She may be playing him, you may think you know it. But it's still not your place to tell him to not marry someone. Even if you are right, its still not your life, nor is it your choice. It sucks but thats part of being an adult... letting your adult fuck their own lives up. Just be there when it goes to shit. That's the best possible help you can be. Speaking out will more than likely just destroy your friendship

What you say makes sense but... I have had a few occasions where I needed a bit of nudging or should I say a Bitch Slap Wake Up Call. Who better than from your friends? Yeah it may have been not very well received at the time but I am so blessed to have a couple of great friends to take the risk and tell me like it is. At the time I just thought they did not understand or were jealous. Hopefully her friend will see it was done out of love whether she is right or wrong in her perception of the situation.

I am not a young pup. Through my 45 years the friends that remain the closest and dear to my heart are the ones that have stuck their neck out and taken a chance of blowing our friendship because they care.

Posted by SaraBellum My friend was lucky enough to walk in on her while she was fucking other dude, so his situation was sorted out rather quickly and neatly. As a side note, he and the dude she was fucking are now good friends.

Sara's advice is to fuck the girl, and suggests that it will grant you the added benefit of becoming closer friends with your buddy.

Today, Danielle went in for her first ever session of radiation therapy (except, of course the ones she lied to my other friend about 3 years ago). Of course it was while Jasper was at work.

Would a doctor even perform radiation therapy on a pregnant woman?

Posted by Tyralus Today, Danielle went in for her first ever session of radiation therapy (except, of course the ones she lied to my other friend about 3 years ago). Of course it was while Jasper was at work. Would a doctor even perform radiation therapy on a pregnant woman?

Depends on where the cancer is, how big the cancer is, stage, how big of a dosage and how close it is to the baby. If it's for uterine or cervical cancer, then if it's really happening, the doctor must think something bad is going to happen. Radiation therapy during pregnancy is rare, very rare. The cancer has to be advanced and usually life threatening. Seriously life threatening to both baby and mother and most likely wouldn't be done this early in the pregnancy. There are stories of mothers with uterine cancer and tumors having the baby first, then going through treatment.

Most doctors recommend surgery for cancer during pregnancy, then going through therapy after the birth. But if it's truly life threatening, therapy would most likely wait till later in the pregnancy since the first three months of pregnancy are the ones where there's most risk to the baby.

If it's this serious, then they'd probably have her on chemo as well. I've been through this with my grandmother, way back when. Unless it's a small area and a cancer that responds well to radiation, usually it's followed by chemo. Also going through this with my uncle at the moment as well for lung cancer.

Also had a scare myself earlier this year. Shitty week until the biopsy came back, believe me. Scar tissue from an old cyst was irritated, tiny little spot, but enough to have me worried due to my family history.

I mean, hell, they don't even like to give an X-Ray during pregnancy.