As a follow up to the online dating thread I thought it would be fun to put up a thread about what it's like once you've taken the online dating step. It's one crazy world out there.

Top 5 reasons you won't respond to an online dating email? Here are some...
- Are old enough to be my father
- Cannot spell or punctuate beyond a grade 2 level.
- Don't drive/Aren't employed (I do and I am)
- Brag about your "skills"
- Cannot speak English

So if the person has made it through the initial screening, lets hear some dating disaster stories.

I won't respond to or message any woman who has pics of herself making retarded "kissy lips" faces.

And since I'm nice and would give everyone a chance I would talk with women who didn't have a picture on their profile. Either they messaged me or I message them because their written profile was so funny. Big mistake! They don't put a pic for a reason! So no picture, no contact.

And a few sent me "sexy" pictures of themselves - that was a turn off but me and my friends got a laugh!

No real horror stories though. Mostly it was a lot of fun. A few were pretty boring people in person, that's why you do first meets at coffee shops or happy hour so you don't waste money.

...since when does someone not driving fall into the same arena as being unemployed?

Everything L'Ali said although I'm easy with the no drive thing, and...

- Asks for sexy pictures of myself
- Sends naked pictures of himself
- Gives his phone number in first contact and wants me to call now
- Writes a LLLOOONNNGGG multi-paragraph email
- His bio covers everything from potty training to his last gf
- Doesn't have at least one clear headshot without shades or a hat.

I also won't respond if the dude has either of the following in his profile pictures:

- Shirtless shot, flexing or not *1
- Leaning against or sitting in a car you're trying to make us believe is yours, specially if it was obviously taken at the car show
- In a tight Ed Hardy looking shirt and sunglasses, posing *2
- With a ball cap worn slightly sideways *2 *1


*1 - Unless it's funny as shit and put in for obvious comedic value
*2 - Jersey shores style

FAKK online dating, lets start UE dating!
At least we know we have one thing in common ;)

At one time, I was going to write a book about my online dating disasters...

So, even after making it through the initial screening, there are sooo many ways that things can go wrong...

The "highlights" of my online dating disasters, in no particular order:

• The guy who caused me to watch an entire movie with my head turned to the side to avoid him kissing me, but who later ambushed me in the parking lot anyway. Ladies, let me tell you, if you've never had a guy try to french your tightly closed and appalled lips, lick off your lipstick in the process, and leave his slobber dripping down your chin in such excess that two wipes of the hand still doesn't get it all off, you're really missing out on one of the most disgusting experiences of your life.
  
• The 38 year old Raiders fan, who shared a one bedroom apartment with his mother, bragged about sharing a studio apartment with her at one time and made his room out of a closet, had never been to a fine eating establishment such as Sizzler, and repeatedly told me that although he's small down there (think baby carrot) he can still get it up and get the job done -- after a couple beers, usually. He has a kid with another woman to prove it!
  
• I met another winner for coffee in a very Asian-populated part of town. We sat at a table outside and he asked me about my family, if I had siblings, etc. I told him that my younger brother had just gotten married to a woman from Hong Kong, and in all seriousness, he asked, "Was she mail-order?" Then he went on to complain about the women at the table next to us, "What's with these Asian women, they all think they're entitled little princesses!" "You do realize I'm half Asian, right?" Then *HE* got pissed at *ME*, cursed me out and left. Thankfully.
  
• Met another one for coffee and a game of Scrabble, with the bet that the loser would buy the other dinner. He professed that he wasn't very good when we were chatting online, and it would just be a fun way to spend some time. So, when I lost, I held up my end of the bargain and bought him dinner. That's when he confessed that he was some sort of Scrabble champion. He was definitely no winner, having repaid me with welts and bruises, then stalking and harassing me for weeks afterwards, even after threatening police intervention. Oh, and did I mention he's a local high school teacher?
  
• And then there was the dog owner who invited me for a walk on the beach at night. It was Spring Break and there were lots of folks around, so why not? When we got a little farther from the crowd, he asked, "Do you have any fantasies?" "Uh, what?" "Fantasies, you know... mine are bestiality and necrophilia." I thought about it for a second, "I guess the 'Animal Lovers' chat rooms aren't what I thought they were" and looked down at the dog with utter pity, then thought about the second bit a little more, and made a hasty about-face and headed back for the crowd. On the way back, the dog apparently "picked up a thorn in his paw" or something, and the guy had to kneel down behind him to get it out. Keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. When I got home, he IM'd me and asked if I'd mind house/dog sitting for him while he's out of town. I could stay at his place and play music as loud as I wanted because he had the whole place sound-proofed and had a great security system installed too. Yeah, sure. I'm THAT stupid...
  

And guys wondered why I wasn't keen to run out to meet them after chatting for 15 minutes online...

Posted by hydrotherapy ...since when does someone not driving fall into the same arena as being unemployed?

If you live in a city with good public transportation then it's no big deal, but where I live if someone doesn't drive it most likely means they've gotten a DUI and/or don't have a job because you NEED a car to get to work...no buses or trains.

Posted by Fusspot if you've never had a guy try to french your tightly closed and appalled lips, lick off your lipstick in the process, and leave his slobber dripping down your chin in such excess that two wipes of the hand still doesn't get it all off

did somebody actually do that? hahahahahaha!

@PasQualie - ah yes, the request for dirty pictures! Oh the profile picture of him is taken in a bathroom, in a room that is so messy with dirty clothes etc.

- As for disastrous dates one of my most recent was I was out with this guy and I knew he had a son. So we're chatting and then he tells me that he just found out he's a father to another child from a girl he slept with who was married to his best friend. He was living with them at the time. He's not allowed to see the child and he won't fight to see him because it would mean he'd miss a half a day of work. Are you f'ing kidding me? Then I got to hear about gallstones. Wow, talk about disgusting. I don't know how this guy ever got on a second date ever. Oh and the kicker, he had no money for the date. He wondered why we didn't go out again, and I told him.

- Had a date with a Fire Chief. He was a lil older, more mature. We just met for a drink on a Friday afternoon, chat was ok. He was getting a divorce and had been separated for awhile. The second he started talking about his x I knew he was still in love with her. He was very curious about my job cause he wanted to write a book. He also brought up having random sex parties. Too much.

- Oh and this one guy who made it through emails and a phone call. We planed to meet up on Sunday afternoon sometime. So he calls me Sat afternoon around 3, I'm having a nap cause I had a wicked headache. I don't have vmail on my home phone. He doesn't know this so he proceeds to call me 7x's within the next 2hrs. I was scared by this point. I finally send him an email saying he's freaking me out and we're not meeting, and I was told that I could be missing out on "the one". Ya buddy, I'd rather be 'the single one'.

Post by Fusspot At one time, I was going to write a book about my online dating disasters...

If you do let me know and I'll be happy to add to it...

1. They have kids - This proves they didn't read my profile.

2. Bad spelling and grammar

3. Strong religious beliefs

4. They admit they can't cook or don't drink

5. They have bad taste in movies/TV/music

do these sites use user names that you get to pick yourself like here for example? or does your real name get shown?

Online dating, what a train wreck that was.

Preliminary qualifications include but are not limited to:
1. No pictures of you in a bathroom & no shirt flexing - Unnecessary.
2. If I see you are looking for an Activity Partner - No Thanks.
3. If you use the word "Fun" in your profile more than 3 times, you suck.
4. Must have a decent picture showing something recent, within the past 6 months for goodness sakes.
5. No I will not meet up with you after knowing you for 10 minutes.
6. You must have passed 5th grade English.

I tried this several years ago and came up with this (plentyoffish.com stories)

Meet Joey: He passed all preliminary questions, seemed a bit off but I wasn't sure until we met up at a local park where he proceeded to be very touchy - feely, and refused to stop because he was being "affectionate". YEH. This guy calls the next day leaving umteen million messages on my phone, & texting every 15 minutes. When I told him I did not want to see him anymore he leaves a (not kidding) 15 minute message on my voicemail about how he is going to now go and kill himself because I told him to go screw off.

Meet (another) Joey: Met at a Denny's parking lot to go play mini golf, he doesn't have a car so I drive us. I was starving after working all day and insist on grabbing something to eat. As we pull into the parking lot of a fajita place he flat out asks "So, are you coming back to my hotel room tonight?" I respond with a firm "No." Really dude? So he lights up a cigar and I go inside the restaurant to wait for him. Got me a drink for happy hour, about 5 or 6 minutes I check outside and he's gone like the wind. Never heard from him again, guess he found a ride back to his hotel.

Meet Jon: This guy seemed great, until we walked into Olive Garden. This guy looks like he just crawled out of a sewer. Torn up jeans, boots covered in mud and orders a beer from the waitress on the other side of the restaurant... By the time dinner was over I was mortified. He went to go in for a kiss and when I stopped him he backed way off and said he would call me tomorrow. When he actually did call, I was especially taken when he decided to confess he has a wife and has been married for 5 years. My gawd. I made it clear I never wanted to hear from him so imagine my suprise a year later while I was at Busch Gardens and got a call from him! He had gotten divorced (suprise!) and wanted to know if I would go again. Number officially blocked.

Since then I've not logged into any online dating sites. While I did have 1 date actually turn into a relationship (Eric), turned out he needed somebody to keep him busy until his girlfriend moved down from Massachusetts the next year. All in all, I got several free dinners & made a lot of good memories. Lesson learned.

Posted by sQualie FAKK online dating, lets start UE dating! At least we know we have one thing in common ;)

uer.ca/love

I haven't had too many online horror stories. One kid I liked a lot, but he had absolutely no ambition for anything. He was 24 ish, lived with his mum, did not have a job or a driver's license, and did not go to school. He didn't want any of those things. He was really nice, fun to talk to, and had an interesting mind, but I need someone who wants to do something with their life.

A few years before that I met someone online (myspace actually haha) who seemed really awesome. We were into the same movies, music, art, etc. He was funny, intelligent, and a very talented musician. He had just started going back to community college and wanted to do something with his life. The kicker? He was a bit nutty. We talked on the phone for 3 days and said he wanted to marry me and have kids with me. Since I was 16 and really cynical about that sorta thing, I went along with it. We tried out the whole long distance thing (he lived about 3 hours away), but it ended abruptly. One day he told me his friend's gf had started screaming HIS name during sex. This caused some conflict with her and her bf. Two days later I stop hearing from him. He disappeared of the face of the earth. I messaged his friend to see if he was alright and they said, "Oh I didn't know he was dating anyone". That was that.

I've been on fetlife.com for a while and all I ever got were messages from 50 year old dudes when my profile clearly says this:

"Please do not message me if you are old enough to be my father (For those who find basic math difficult, that would be 40+). Please do not request to be my friend unless I personally know you or you provide a legible introduction and do not fall into the 'creepy old man"/"omg ur hottt wanna see my peen0r?' category."

Here are some of the messages I just got on that site:

From some guy who's only picture is of him in a mask:
"If you don't mind me asking.... what adult store do you two work at?
Maybe you don't want to tell me, lol"

From a 31 year old guy who's only picture is a drawing:
"Would you be interested in a guy who is a virgin?"

Seems a lot of the responses in this thread are from a woman's perspective.

I'm married to a woman that I met on plentyoffish.com and I'd say that I didn't have any horror stories. I screened fairly well and used my profile as screening tool.

I did have a few dates where the women obviously lied about their age and posted pics taken 10-20 years prior. That didn't stop us from having some fun together, but I wasn't going to continue dating them and they seemed OK with that.

Right in my ad I put: "I can't do cybersex because I type with both hands."

Though not a "flexing" shot, I did post a pic of myself leaning on the railing of the Rockaway boardwalk. Just to show I was not horribly out of shape.

I did put a "a day in Dublin with Leopold Bloom" as a favorite activity to catch the eye of well-read women.

A number of meetings didn't go so well. So what? I just tried again and eventually met the woman I'm married to.

Posted by Radio2600 Seems a lot of the responses in this thread are from a woman's perspective. I'm married to a woman that I met on plentyoffish.com and I'd say that I didn't have any horror stories. I screened fairly well and used my profile as screening tool. I did have a few dates where the women obviously lied about their age and posted pics taken 10-20 years prior. That didn't stop us from having some fun together, but I wasn't going to continue dating them and they seemed OK with that. Right in my ad I put: "I can't do cybersex because I type with both hands." Though not a "flexing" shot, I did post a pic of myself leaning on the railing of the Rockaway boardwalk. Just to show I was not horribly out of shape. I did put a "a day in Dublin with Leopold Bloom" as a favorite activity to catch the eye of well-read women. A number of meetings didn't go so well. So what? I just tried again and eventually met the woman I'm married to.

I love hearing stories about people that have had success with online dating. I used to work like 70 hours a week so I starting using a Facebook dating app. and that's how I met my fiance'.

Posted by Radio2600 Seems a lot of the responses in this thread are from a woman's perspective. I'm married to a woman that I met on plentyoffish.com and I'd say that I didn't have any horror stories. I screened fairly well and used my profile as screening tool. I did have a few dates where the women obviously lied about their age and posted pics taken 10-20 years prior. That didn't stop us from having some fun together, but I wasn't going to continue dating them and they seemed OK with that. Right in my ad I put: "I can't do cybersex because I type with both hands." Though not a "flexing" shot, I did post a pic of myself leaning on the railing of the Rockaway boardwalk. Just to show I was not horribly out of shape. I did put a "a day in Dublin with Leopold Bloom" as a favorite activity to catch the eye of well-read women. A number of meetings didn't go so well. So what? I just tried again and eventually met the woman I'm married to.

I definitely don't think that the people online are all bad. I mean there are a lot of shitty people out there period, but a lot of good ones too. I do have two friends that have married guys they've met online and have been married 5+ years and are very happy.

I definitely don't think that the people online are all bad. I mean there are a lot of shitty people out there period, but a lot of good ones too. I do have two friends that have married guys they've met online and have been married 5+ years and are very happy.

I think dating is a pain in the ass no matter how you go about it.

Posted by sQualie FAKK online dating, lets start UE dating! At least we know we have one thing in common ;)

I support this idea! I know at least a couple people I would love to try to date. I said try bc they are too cool for my loser ass.

Years ago I had an account on anonidate and found a girl in the neighborhood next to mine. A few weeks later we meet up and... it's a friend's girlfriend. Luckily it wasn't a good friend.

Posted by mewthree do these sites use user names that you get to pick yourself like here for example? or does your real name get shown?

You can put whatever you want, no need to use your actual name anywhere in the profile.

Rereading the thread, I'm seeing a lot of women are getting interesting responses.

Posted by L'Ali Top 5 reasons you won't respond to an online dating email? Here are some... - Are old enough to be my father - Cannot spell or punctuate beyond a grade 2 level. - Don't drive/Aren't employed (I do and I am) - Brag about your "skills" - Cannot speak English

Posted by sQualie - Asks for sexy pictures of myself - Sends naked pictures of himself

First and foremost, online dating is largely a numbers game. If 1% of women will respond to very forward messages and you send out 500 copy & paste messages, you'll get 5 dates.

There's no danger of getting your face slapped over the internet and guys will say things online that they would never say in person.

I don't know if any of the women responding to this thread have seen some of the pics some women post, but it doesn't help your cause when women post pics like this:





This whole online dating thing requires patience and effort to screen out the creeps and find someone worth starting a relationship with.

Posted by mewthree did somebody actually do that? hahahahahaha!

Sadly it's happened to me to, twice.

@Radio2600: EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know some girls pics are bad but you picked some pretty choice ones there!

I totally understand guys sending naked pics to chick like those ones and asking for more, they're obviously looking for booty calls too. Thing is, when you get a profile of a woman that's cute, intelligent, fun, quirky and that looks like she's looking for something more serious, either move on to the next skank if that's not what you're looking for or adjust your approach. It's not rocket science! and the older you get, the more dysfunctional ppl you meet...

I'm pretty much done with online dating - and I've tried a few sites, trust me!