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WarBird69
Location: Eastern TN Gender: Male Total Likes: 335 likes
Atomic Bird of War
| | | Re: Sluts! < Reply # 6 on 6/28/2011 9:24 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by sQualie What about so called players thought? Men that have had multiple partners, how do they fair on the settling down and being faithful scale? That article was sexist and one sided. Probably written by an average, or below, guy that frustrated he can't get, or keep, the hot girl.
| I don't consider myself a player by any means, but I've had multiple partners ( >5 ). Some were one night stands or FWB situations, others were part of a long term relationship. Using that graph as a rough guide, I have an approxmately 30% chance of having a successful marriage. So, I guess it is no big surprise I'm in the middle of ending my marriage. Up until the day she moved out, I stayed true to my vows, didn't cheat, etc ( even after 2+ years of no sex). Now, the marriage is over in all but the legal/paperwork aspect. So...take that as you will.
| When twilight draws near, when you are pushed to the very limits of your soul, when it seems that all you have left are the dead remnants of the fabric of your life: -- BELIEVE |
| L'Ali
Location: Clarington Gender: Female Total Likes: 95 likes
Behind every damsel is a fire breathing dragon
| | | Re: Sluts! < Reply # 7 on 6/29/2011 12:53 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by sQualie Well according to the article, I'm fucked either way. Hahaha! *and I didn't even think I was a slut before I read this... | Me either! According to the scale I could actually improve my chances of a happy marriage, if I were to marry, if I sleep with a few more LOL What about so called players thought? Men that have had multiple partners, how do they fair on the settling down and being faithful scale? That article was sexist and one sided. Probably written by an average (or below) guy that's frustrated he can't get or keep the hot girl. My advise to him: Stop watching so much porn! It may look good on screen but trust me, it doesn't feel as good as it seems.
| Of course it was sexist and one sided. Post by WarBird69 Up until the day she moved out, I stayed true to my vows, didn't cheat, etc (even after 2+ years of no sex). Now, the marriage is over in all but the legal/paperwork aspect. So...take that as you will. | I think most people, men and women, these days have had more then one partner and some a lot more then that. But did your marriage end by infidelity or other reasons? And kudos to you for being true to your vows till she moved out.
| Everything is sweetened by risk. -- Alexander Smith http://www.flickr....hotos/11765127@N08 |
| dirt
Location: Oakland, CA Gender: Male Total Likes: 0 likes
Je suis très aimable et très caustique.
| | | | | Re: Sluts! < Reply # 8 on 6/29/2011 6:47 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | No, it is not interesting. It is backwards and juvenile. Let me deconstruct this persons argument. There is an assumption that people who remain married are happier. It gives no information on this point because it can't. Some of you may know that those suffering from domestic abuse will make excuses on the part of their significant other. Someone who has not known any better will stay in an abusive relationship out of dependency. On the flip side of this, I would like to know the percentage of people who have had many partners and are still married and are happy. There is yet another side to this. Who says marriage is even natural? Who says that monogamy is the the only suitable form of relationships? As for my own opinion, Sexuality is something be explored. There are studies about how orgasm prolongs a persons life expectancy. There are even theory on how female ejaculate has anti-bacterial properties to that the person is less likely to get UTI's. It is also my personal belief that everyone is potentially bisexual and polyamourous. That it is conditioning that causes people to limit themselves. Look at every relationship that has ever fallen apart on you. It did so for these key reasons: Abuse, stagnation, miscommunication, and/or complacency. The last one is tricky and shows up in a myriad of ways, most commonly "growing apart". How this ties into polyamoury is that humans are complex. At times, a person will deny feelings because of moral objections to cheating. To deny feelings on a constant basis will lead to going unconscious both in the relationship and emotionally. People are complex, and they are always changing. Everyday. When you have one or even two unconscious people in a relationship, they will drift apart. Another fact. No one person can meet all your needs. Some needs, need to be fulfilled to allow for growth. When those needs are not met, resentments arise. This can lead to abuse. Most people, due to the fact they subscribe to our cultures mode of being do not know how to communicate properly. They don't know how to communicate needs, desires, expectations, "rules" etc etc etc. In some cases the thought has never occurred to them. Now imagine having to negotiate an open relationship. Now to tackle the notion of "sluts". The idea of a slut is completely cultural. There were all those graphs that showed these "scientific" numbers. And yet, I would dare any of you to come up with hard scientific number of partners that defines a "slut". The word slut is derogatory in nature, and is used to create shame so that a person won't explore their sexuality. It is used to control. Now advice: if you ever meet someone who has uncontrollable jealousy or uses the word slut in a derogatory manor, note these as red flags and steer clear away. You will only waste your time or worse.
| He seemed to move among very delicate objects, on ground mined with goodness knows what precious explosives. ~ Jean Cocteau |
| Ramski13
Location: Land of God Fearing Conservatives, SC Gender: Male Total Likes: 0 likes
All right,who brought the dummy???
| | | Re: Sluts! < Reply # 12 on 6/29/2011 4:34 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by dirt It is also my personal belief that everyone is potentially bisexual and polyamourous. That it is conditioning that causes people to limit themselves. | Great point - depending on who/what you subscribe to, social stigma or moral opinion will cause repression (limitation) Posted by dirt Look at every relationship that has ever fallen apart on you. It did so for these key reasons: Abuse, stagnation, miscommunication, and/or complacency. The last one is tricky and shows up in a myriad of ways, most commonly "growing apart". How this ties into polyamoury is that humans are complex. At times, a person will deny feelings because of moral objections to cheating. To deny feelings on a constant basis will lead to going unconscious both in the relationship and emotionally. People are complex, and they are always changing. Everyday. When you have one or even two unconscious people in a relationship, they will drift apart.
| +1 - complacency = death.. How often do you see some couple divorce after 20+ years of marriage? Ideally, in a true "committed" relationship, each people gives the other room to grow, as well as change.. Those who are repressed either cope with their ever changing mentality by denying, cheating or numbing.. Posted by dirt Another fact. No one person can meet all your needs. Some needs, need to be fulfilled to allow for growth. When those needs are not met, resentments arise. This can lead to abuse. Most people, due to the fact they subscribe to our cultures mode of being do not know how to communicate properly. They don't know how to communicate needs, desires, expectations, "rules" etc etc etc. In some cases the thought has never occurred to them. Now imagine having to negotiate an open relationship.
| Lack of Communication tends to be one of the biggest culprits for divorce. Sometimes it is due to fear of judgement, or fear of response. Now, reading the article, I am somewhere in the 50% divorce category - I've also been married 15 yrs.. I'll be the first to admit that communication is our #1 biggest problem - she comes from a seriously repressive catholic school guilt upbringing, and has a meddling single mother (70yrs old) with a very conservative view of life - I am very liberal thinking and can rationalize exploration of life/fantasies to allow each other to grow, together, rather than separately (hence apart) - most of my fantasies and her fantasies are actually very much the same - sounds perfect, right? Any chance/thought of her pursuing a fantasy is almost immediately squashed by that guilt/ judgement feeling. Any suggestion/thought of me pursuing a fantasy is immediately squashed by what her reaction would be, or filed away (repressed) because of risk of judgement/denial .. Throw kids into the mix and I can't see it getting any better as we get older - like a pressure cooker, waiting to explode, complacency until we end up two room mates with kids.... Sigh....
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