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White Rabbit Women's Advocate
Location: Missouri Gender: Male Total Likes: 3 likes
| | | | Know what's sad? < on 8/15/2009 8:43 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | I want fucking kids. I changed my mind. I'm a little disgusted with myself for being the stereotype and deciding I want kids as I round the thirties, but I fucking do. But I'm not going to have them. The divorce rate's bad. It's not getting better. And the dating scene is great at my age if you're looking for sex, but it's not so hot if you're looking for girlfriend or wife material. All the good ones are taken. I don't believe, like most people, that I'm special. If I got married, the odds are I will end up divorced, like most people. That's an acceptable risk, if you're not planning to have children. But, my parents are both on their third marriages. They put me through hell as a kid with their unstable relationships, the boyfriends and girlfriends. And my father's still a broken man for not being able to raise his children in his own home the way he wanted. At this point, I'd love to have children and a family, but I'd rather die than go through what my father went through. I can't even imagine being a weekend dad. I would want my children to live with me and to see them every day. Knowing they were living their mother while she brings abusive boyfriends and chaos in and out of their lives, etc. Fuck that. I'm willing to risk divorce for myself. I'm not willing to risk having kids and putting them through what I went through. So yeah, that's my bitch. I have full on changed my mind, but I'm just going to keep on having random, meaningless sex for the rest of my life. FUN.
| Underground Ozarks http://www.undergroundozarks.com Missouri, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Kansas |
| Oryx
Location: Who knows Gender: Neither Total Likes: 41 likes
:|
| | | Re: Know what's sad? < Reply # 1 on 8/16/2009 1:49 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | I know how you feel. I've never seen a successful marriage in my life. Even from the time I was born, my biological parents planned to marry, but then realized that maybe having a kid wasn't the best idea. Three years later my adoptive parents call it quites. More like my father decided that maybe adopting a kid wasn't the best idea after all. My grandparents were married "'till death", but were absolutely miserable together even though they were pro's at hiding it. Back then, divorce was something you just didn't do. My mother still hasn't gotten remarried. She almost did, but he died. She hasn't been with anyone since. Half of my friends parents are divorced. If they aren't, one (or both) cheat on each other and/or hate each other. So yeah, the happy family scenario will most likely never pan out for me either. It took me long enough to figure out how to maintain a stable/loving relationship as it is. I love my boyfriend to death, but if we were to get married, it would probably end up in a divorce also. (Thus why we won't even bother). The idea of having a kid, no matter how against it I am, is enticing. I love the thought of being able to teach my spawn how to draw/paint, showing them what it's like to explore abandoned buildings, or even the motherly aspect of carrying a child in the womb. I know I'm capable of loving a child, but if they ever went through even a miniscule fraction of the traumatic bullshit that I went through, I'd never forgive myself. So yeah, we have a similar rant.
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| hydrotherapy Clever Girl
Location: Circle of Least Confusion Total Likes: 9 likes
RPS is inside all of us
| | | | Re: Know what's sad? < Reply # 4 on 8/17/2009 6:19 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | I still don't want kids but... reading this thread has caused me to think... Yes, a lot of us had fucked up families. Yes, it is responsible and mature (and still, saddening) to consider this when deciding not to bring a child into a "potential" situation. But, don't reflect too deeply on this. You all survived your own personal trials, and clearly came through with strong senses of self, and as you are saying RIGHT NOW- lots of lessons learned. No kid is going to be spared some traumas at home, and honestly if they did have such an easy childhood, they wouldn't be able to begin to function in society once booted out of the house. The best, most inspiring and incredible people I know all came from some sort of shattered background (normally involving lacking or replacement parents) and became all the stronger for it. Don't martyr yourself saying you won't have kids because you don't want them to go through blah blah blah... no. You can say that if you have some sort of hereditary disease that would have a high chance of being passed to them. THAT is a valid point. I honestly say it's a bizarre argument to have a fear of bringing a child into the world just because their life MIGHT BE SORTA HARD cause yours was. Yeah. And look who it made y'all today. Honestly I dare say a lot of you like yourselves. I like myself. I had a crappy upbringing (though ask anyone about their upbringing and 95% will say it was horrible) and I wouldn't change it for the world. It made me who I am and I'm great at getting by in life. Whee. Yay. If you yourself are terrified of not wanting kids or not being able to provide, then by all means- I laud you. More people should think like that. If you're worried about the "what if's" of an indeterminate future for them, well- welcome to life. Being overprotective and prematurely worried about things never got anyone anywhere, except spoiled, unable to deal with hardships, or socially crippled. Either way, I don't want kids cause I'm a selfish cunt and like my freedom too much.
| Get down, girl, go 'head, get down. |
| White Rabbit Women's Advocate
Location: Missouri Gender: Male Total Likes: 3 likes
| | | | Re: Know what's sad? < Reply # 6 on 8/17/2009 6:44 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by hydrotherapy I honestly say it's a bizarre argument to have a fear of bringing a child into the world just because their life MIGHT BE SORTA HARD cause yours was.
| I'm not martyring myself and I don't think it's a "might" situation. If it were that, I'd be willing to chance it. I think it's a statistical likelihood that, due to society and the divorce rate and just not being able to trust a potential marriage partner to do the right thing, that I would end up putting a kid into a shitty upbringing. And I don't want to do that to them. It sucked having it done to me, and I'm not going to do it to my potential children. If I'm pretty sure I'm going to inflict great harm on my child after bringing it into this world, why on Earth would I do it? That would be selfish on my part, I think, to disregard the odds of that happening. And I differ on the upbringing. I would change my upbringing if I had the chance. If I could go back and relive my life and actually have a happy childhood? Holy fuck, I'd do it in a second. I got robbed of the best years of my life by my parents' irresponsibility.
| Underground Ozarks http://www.undergroundozarks.com Missouri, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Kansas |
| White Rabbit Women's Advocate
Location: Missouri Gender: Male Total Likes: 3 likes
| | | | Re: Know what's sad? < Reply # 10 on 8/17/2009 11:00 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by rainman8889 That's the time we learn how to deal with disappointment, failures etc along with success. Not pleasant either but that's life for you.
| Look, I realize as bad as it was, that my childhood could've been worse, and I'm not bitching because it wasn't perfect. I bitch because it was really, really bad. A little adversity, a little childhood trauma, that would've been one thing. However, I shouldn't have been shuttled from one drug and substance-abusing home to another throughout my entire childhood. I shouldn't have had to grow up in a home where there were always cigarettes and booze but NEVER EVER any food in the house. I shouldn't have had to go hungry. I shouldn't have had to live with one abusive (sometimes physically) stepfather, stepmother, boyfriend, and girlfriend after another. I shouldn't have been physically abandoned, by both parents at various multiple times, because I was an inconvenience to their drug and drinking lifestyle. I shouldn't have to have grown up so poor, to the point that not only were toys completely out of the question but that I never had more than a few ratty-ass clothes to wear, because my parents blew all their money on substance abuse. I shouldn't have spent most of my childhood without a bedroom or even a bed because money went elsewhere. I think growing up a little poor or not getting a lot of attention from Mommy and Daddy or not having perfect parents, I don't think those are things that should ruin your childhood. And I think those are the kinds of things that probably build character. But that's not the kind of ordinary childhood shit I had to live through, and I wish it was. I don't believe I should've had to live through ANY of what I described. I don't believe any of it made me a better person. And any strength it added to my character is FAR outweighed by the bitterness and anger I still feel for all of it.
[last edit 8/17/2009 11:04 PM by White Rabbit - edited 2 times]
| Underground Ozarks http://www.undergroundozarks.com Missouri, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Kansas |
| Oryx
Location: Who knows Gender: Neither Total Likes: 41 likes
:|
| | | Re: Know what's sad? < Reply # 11 on 8/23/2009 4:19 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by White Rabbit
Look, I realize as bad as it was, that my childhood could've been worse, and I'm not bitching because it wasn't perfect. I bitch because it was really, really bad. A little adversity, a little childhood trauma, that would've been one thing. However, I shouldn't have been shuttled from one drug and substance-abusing home to another throughout my entire childhood. I shouldn't have had to grow up in a home where there were always cigarettes and booze but NEVER EVER any food in the house. I shouldn't have had to go hungry. I shouldn't have had to live with one abusive (sometimes physically) stepfather, stepmother, boyfriend, and girlfriend after another. I shouldn't have been physically abandoned, by both parents at various multiple times, because I was an inconvenience to their drug and drinking lifestyle. I shouldn't have to have grown up so poor, to the point that not only were toys completely out of the question but that I never had more than a few ratty-ass clothes to wear, because my parents blew all their money on substance abuse. I shouldn't have spent most of my childhood without a bedroom or even a bed because money went elsewhere. I think growing up a little poor or not getting a lot of attention from Mommy and Daddy or not having perfect parents, I don't think those are things that should ruin your childhood. And I think those are the kinds of things that probably build character. But that's not the kind of ordinary childhood shit I had to live through, and I wish it was. I don't believe I should've had to live through ANY of what I described. I don't believe any of it made me a better person. And any strength it added to my character is FAR outweighed by the bitterness and anger I still feel for all of it.
| I know where you're coming from. I really do. Heh... I think I heard, "we can't afford that" more than, "I love you".
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| irock
Location: Edmonton AB Gender: Male Total Likes: 0 likes
Dubya loves me some kitty...YUM YUM!!!
| | | Re: Know what's sad? < Reply # 12 on 9/23/2009 1:36 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by hydrotherapyEither way, I don't want kids cause I'm a selfish cunt and like my freedom too much.
| I agree. I've never grown up "wanting" kids and never saw myself as having them....my bestfriend has ALWAYS wanted to be married and have the 3.1 kids....and you know what? He did. I'm taking control of my own situation and going for the snip next month and I don't have any sort of cold feet or worries if it's the right decision. I'm 30 years old, don't have any kids and I want to keep it that way....if I could get a relationship to last longer than a third date....I would be happy..I don't want kids..and I don't need kids.... To think they will take care of you when you get older is just a fantasy.... I'm happy with my decision, I don't want kids, but the one thing I don't want more, is an unwanted child....hence, here comes the snip!
| I EDC everyday. |
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