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jellybeans95
Location: Middletown, OH Gender: Female Total Likes: 77 likes
That... is a really incredible synopsis!
| | | | | What to do? < on 5/23/2014 12:11 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | A very long story condensed, but I have a friend, that (at least from the info we get and things we see first hand) seems to be controlled by their S.O. It's to the point now where said S.O. is now dictating who is friends with my friend... including me. I'm seen as a "threat" (never mind that I would NEVER home wreck, see said friend as family, and, most importantly, am in a very happy, committed long-term relationship myself.) [Back story... S.O. and I were friends... S.O. has some issues though and recently that's affected many aspects of their life... I would still be friends with them if not for the just... absolute asinine treatment of this whole situation.] I can tell my friend is depressed but they won't do anything really about their situation. It hurts deeply to lose a friend, but it seems this may be the path.
I've gotten varying advice. Some have said just flat-out ice my friend out until they decide to grow a spine and face their S.O. Some say stick with them and support them and keep trying to make nice-nice with the S.O. and show I'm not a threat. I've even had some say to go to my friend's family and see if they have advice and/or know what's going on. Just trying to feel out some options, hoping maybe someone's been there before.
[last edit 5/23/2014 12:13 AM by jellybeans95 - edited 1 times]
| dsankt: In fact, the day I die yall are welcome to form an orderly queue and run a train on my eye sockets. I'll be dead and frankly, will not give a f*ck. budda: That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Fuck me sideways this is insane. ~~~~~~ Because it's Cincinnati |
| Radio2600
Location: On the Road to Wellville Total Likes: 1700 likes
HY KAK TO TAK
| | | Re: What to do? < Reply # 3 on 5/23/2014 3:46 AM > | Reply with Quote
| | | In my typical long-winded style, I had a long response, but think the best thing to is tell Jellybeans85 to follow the link below and see what Planned Parenthood has to say about these sorts of situations. http://www.planned...tionship-19917.htm Once you read that, then read my two-cents worth... I retain a few ex-GF's as Facebook friends and my wife has never said anything about them. My wife didn't even complain that my relationship status on Facebook remained as "it's complicated" long after we were married. She mentioned it once, so I changed it. It has never come up again. So if on a scale of 0-10 for a control freak S.O., I'd be about 0.5 and the situation jellybeans95 is describing sounds to be about an 8. If there was spyware in the person's computer or cellphone, bugs and tracking devices, then a 9 and I reserve 10 for people that have someone locked in a secret room under the garage. People stay in abusive/controlling relationships because they depend on the controlling S.O. for something. Whether it be food, a home, drugs, companionship or protection from some thing that is either real or imagined. Like that 25 year old woman in the news today: https://www.sunday...r-after-kidnapping You might also want to read this: http://www.planned...relabuse_06-05.pdf
| In order to use your head, you have to go out of your mind. |
| jellybeans95
Location: Middletown, OH Gender: Female Total Likes: 77 likes
That... is a really incredible synopsis!
| | | | | Re: What to do? < Reply # 4 on 5/23/2014 10:00 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | I ought to explain, too. It's not so much that friend is saying "Have an S.O., bye!" S.O. is pretty much DEMANDING friend doesn't talk to me because they feel "threatened" by me. If we (my bf and I) make plans and invite friend, S.O. will refuse to go. Never mind if they have NOTHING going, S.O. would rather friend sit at home bored to tears than risk being around me. And I've asked S.O. what SPECIFICALLY I've done to make them uncomfortable, and besides a few made-up events (Claiming I said friend would be better suited with me, etc...which I NEVER said.) they refuse to say what exactly I've done, other than "cause drama".
| dsankt: In fact, the day I die yall are welcome to form an orderly queue and run a train on my eye sockets. I'll be dead and frankly, will not give a f*ck. budda: That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Fuck me sideways this is insane. ~~~~~~ Because it's Cincinnati |
| jellybeans95
Location: Middletown, OH Gender: Female Total Likes: 77 likes
That... is a really incredible synopsis!
| | | | | Re: What to do? < Reply # 8 on 6/13/2014 6:49 PM > | Reply with Quote
| | | Posted by unlighted-zero I've unfortunately lost contact with some very good friends because of over-controlling ex girlfriends who in the end, were not at all worth it. I had to learn that lesson the hard way a few times in order to realize that good friends should be more important than someone you climb into bed with, no matter how long you've been with them. If they don't love you enough to try to get along with people that are very important to you, they're not worth it.
| I've fortunately never let it get to that point in a relationship. The one guy I dated who started to get controlling, I told him he could deal, or he could move on. I think the hardest thing in the situation is my friend has VERY low self-esteem... it doesn't make leaving a bad relationship easy! The situation is still at a stalemate. I still talk to my friend, but the SO still refuses to even try to talk...and friend says that's what SO claims needs to happen. It's not fun, but I will continue to support my friend.
| dsankt: In fact, the day I die yall are welcome to form an orderly queue and run a train on my eye sockets. I'll be dead and frankly, will not give a f*ck. budda: That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Fuck me sideways this is insane. ~~~~~~ Because it's Cincinnati |
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