anyone have any strong thoughts on hooking up with the friend of your ex?

to keep a long story short, I recently moved to Maine after breaking up with my college girlfriend of three years, I moved to Colorado a little over a year ago so we could be together (though our initial intention was not to stay together after school). She's been coping with inner demons (namely depression) her entire life, and although I was an outlet for her she made it very clear this was something she needed to address by herself, and being in Colorado (she grew up there) wasn't working for her. I left Colorado cause I couldn't really handle being there without her, and here I am in Maine. I want to make it clear however that we parted knowing this was about us as individuals, not because we were in a shitty relationship that was never going to work. I'm at peace because ultimately I want her to pursue whatever makes her happy.

So now I'm in Portland Maine, and the trouble has begun. A lot of my college friends live here or are trying to move here, including a lot of my ex's friends. There's this one girl, who is my best bud's girlfriend's bestie, who came to visit just this last weekend because she's looking for a new job. I'll be honest and say I really dug this girl for a while back in college, but forgot about her after she moved to Nepal (just got back) and I started dating her friend (who is my ex). We really hit it off the first night, and I was getting all the signs but really tried to fight it ---- was still feeling very vulnerable regarding the breakup, and honestly was afraid of how all my ex's friends who were there would react. We went out again the next night, and I could really feel her energy and was really digging her physical presence, she came back to my place and we hooked up.

She left the following morning to meet up with her friends for breakfast before she went back to DC, and I shot her a little text sayin' something along the lines of "safe travels, hope to see you soon", and I do mean it. I'm starting to wonder... what happens if she winds up moving to Portland (over the course of the weekend she was saying she definitely wants to move here)? I know that I definitely would want to see her, the attraction is definitely there, but mentally, I am still very lost. I'm still very emotionally attached to my ex, (constant thoughts of her, figure that's natural) but also know we have no future together and I don't want that BS nostalgia to keep me from someone I'm into... but at the same time don't want this new girl to be simply a "confidence booster", which is what I'm afraid it might be.

So that's my rant. Just gonna go with the flow for now (there will likely be little if any contact between me and my ex OR this new girl for the next month), anyone been in this situation and found they made a horrible mistake or possibly did exactly the right thing?

your friend,
paul

I think the rule book says: "It can't be your latest ex's friend. So any friend of an ex before her is open season."

Playboy once said:

There are two women in the world that are available, but nt to you. Your best friends ex girlfriend, and your ex girlfriends best friend,

Just FYI

Bah. Whatevs. Nothing is off limits, but some bitches be crazy.

In fact, I think we should make replace "In God We Trust" on money with "Bitches Be Crazy"

Posted by Jonsered Playboy once said: There are two women in the world that are available, but nt to you. Your best friends ex girlfriend, and your ex girlfriends best friend, Just FYI

Good to know. I definitely wouldn't consider them "best friends", my ex and this girl are "friends", but I know for a fact haven't been in contact since the later lady left for Asia. She is really my ex's best friend's best friend.

I tried that before. The friend of my ex was attracted to me, but ultimately turned me down. When I asked why later, she said she thought I was trying to be with her just to get closer to my ex.

I've done the ex's best friend once before but it was because my ex basically cheated on me and treated me like shit for a few months before we broke up. Similarly her best friend was in a relationship where she was being treated the same way (cheated on, being treated incredibly badly, etc). Awhile after I broke up with her best friend her and I started getting pretty close and talking a lot. She also broke up with her guy and pretty much instantly afterward we got much more physical.

We never actually ended up together, it was just a couple of months of sex. She got a little more involved with me than I'd wanted things to get to, so I broke things off. She moved on, found an awesome guy who treats her wonderfully and they just got married. My ex moved onto one of my friends about a year later, who is now an ex friend for reasons unrelated. They can both take a long walk off a short pier, for all I care.

Posted by Jonsered Playboy once said: There are two women in the world that are available, but nt to you. Your best friends ex girlfriend, and your ex girlfriends best friend, Just FYI

So if you have an ex, who's best friend and sister and mother and sister's best friend you've all "dated", that's not okay?
I was pretty sure there was a reason none of those worked out. Now I know.



Come to think of it, my brother married his best friend's ex, and they all get along just fine.


I think Mutant's take is better. There are no limits. Just that some things turn out poorly more often than not.

This thread needs White Rabbit

Posted by maypost This thread needs White Rabbit

Yeah, or... what was that guy's g/f's (wife's?) name? Titties?

Classy UER name and all. I'm sure she could have given us some really great advice.

I always thought WR's advice, while rough around the edges, was still pretty sound, truthful and coming from a genuine desire to help.

Ahoy there fellow Portlander!

I dated my ex's best friend and it turned out terrible, but hopefully wouldn't be the case for you. If you're sure they haven't had contact in years, and live a half a country apart, I say why not?