Ive been dating a VERY nice, awesome sweet guy for 6 months..... and he won't make it offical...

I understand he wanted to wait till he was less busy, I even gave it an extra 2 weeks, then he fucked shit up when he got really wasted (he needs to stop drinking....) and Im at my wit's end here.

How much longer should I wait? I mean hes great but I feel like Im cheating myself if I keep hanging around waiting....

Sounds like you are either waiting for him to change or really want him to, and the chances are he won't.

He aggravates me cuz he was the one complaining that he drinks too much, I mean only YOU really know whats good/bad for you. Since he said that and his teaching job ended, hes been drinking MORE...Thats why I say he needs to stop. Been there done that with drinkers.

Thing you need to understand is that he will not stop unless he is willing to take the steps to do it himself. You will never change an alcoholic, they have to be willing to do it themselves. You also need to ask yourself "can I be with him if he never does decide to change?"

It's not just going to go away with time... alcoholism isn't a phase. Take it from someone who has spent their entire life with an alcoholic and has seen the destruction it causes. It's like a rollercoaster... you've got your ups and downs. Sometimes it's gonna be harder, sometimes they'll be off the hootch for weeks at a time.

Posted by Senseriffic Ive been dating a VERY nice, awesome sweet guy for 6 months..... and he won't make it offical...

'Official' what?

Posted by Senseriffic Ive been dating a VERY nice, awesome sweet guy for 6 months..... and he won't make it offical... I understand he wanted to wait till he was less busy, I even gave it an extra 2 weeks, then he fucked shit up when he got really wasted (he needs to stop drinking....) and Im at my wit's end here.

It's great that this guy is very nice but as you mentioned in your second paragraph, you don't want to go through the hell of being with someone with a drinking problem.

Posted by Senseriffic How much longer should I wait? I mean hes great but I feel like Im cheating myself if I keep hanging around waiting....

If you are starting to feel like you're cheating yourself and asking this question, then you shouldn't be waiting much longer.

Let him know what you are saying here. Tell him that if he doesn't do something about his problem (get help and quit drinking), then you're outta there.

A question you should ask yourself is: "Do I want to be taking a back seat to his drinking problem for the rest of my life?" If this problem is not dealt with now then that is exactly what will happen. Sucks big time but it's the truth.

Posted by Roygbiv Thing you need to understand is that he will not stop unless he is willing to take the steps to do it himself. You will never change an alcoholic, they have to be willing to do it themselves. You also need to ask yourself "can I be with him if he never does decide to change?" It's not just going to go away with time... alcoholism isn't a phase. Take it from someone who has spent their entire life with an alcoholic and has seen the destruction it causes. It's like a rollercoaster... you've got your ups and downs. Sometimes it's gonna be harder, sometimes they'll be off the hootch for weeks at a time.

Very well put Roygbiv and very sadly, 100% true. The only time an alcoholic can be helped is when he/she admits they have a problem and gets the help they need. Until then, all efforts will be hopeless.

Senseriffic, if the guy doesn't get help, bail. It will hurt a bit but nowhere near as if you let yourself take a back seat to his drinking.

Posted by Senseriffic Ive been dating a VERY nice, awesome sweet guy for 6 months..... and he won't make it offical...

Oh for fuck's sake. 6 months of dating and the guy won't even commit?

And you have to think about it?

Unless "just dating" is what you want, you need to get the fuck out of that relationship. None of this touchy-feely bullshit about, "Well you need to decide if blah blah blah..." and tell him "He needs to blah blah blah."

Unless "just dating" is what you want--get the fuck out of it. He's not it. The writing's on the wall.

It's only been 6 months. Don't waste 6 more. Get out now.

Edit to add:

Wait, wait: AND I just read that you say he lives 90 minutes away?

Seriously, why are you still even thinking about it? Get out now.

Posted by White Rabbit Oh for fuck's sake. 6 months of dating and the guy won't even commit? And you have to think about it? Unless "just dating" is what you want, you need to get the fuck out of that relationship. None of this touchy-feely bullshit about, "Well you need to decide if blah blah blah..." and tell him "He needs to blah blah blah." Unless "just dating" is what you want--get the fuck out of it. He's not it. The writing's on the wall. It's only been 6 months. Don't waste 6 more. Get out now. Edit to add: Wait, wait: AND I just read that you say he lives 90 minutes away? Seriously, why are you still even thinking about it? Get out now.

...to WHAT?

Love, happiness and a long-term relationship with kids and an Oldsmobile and a dog and BBQ's and visits to the in-laws (Outlaws) and PTA meetings?

wow I didn't expect such a response....


White Rabbit, you make such a good point... Ive done this to myself many times, dating... waiting for it to turn into something else, but I guess men dont work the same way women do. 6 months is a lot of time to waste regardless....but there are reasons, we were BOTH waiting till things got a little easier, I had some issues to deal with. But now theres no excuse, if he doesn't commit I'm out, back to being alone...

Oh and as far as a commitment, I just mean being his GIRLFRIEND... not "This is my friend Daria...." I'm not looking for a ring lol.

Thanks you guys, it means a lot hearing it from a mostly male POV.

Posted by KublaKhan ...to WHAT? Love, happiness and a long-term relationship with kids and an Oldsmobile and a dog and BBQ's and visits to the in-laws (Outlaws) and PTA meetings?

Wow... if love involves buying an Oldsmobile... I'm looking forward to dieing single and lonely.

At least I'm off to a great start!

Posted by KublaKhan Love, happiness and a long-term relationship with kids and an Oldsmobile and a dog and BBQ's and visits to the in-laws (Outlaws) and PTA meetings?

Well, personally, that sounds like a higher circle of Hell to me...

BUT, if that's what someone's looking for eventually, and some guy you've been dating for 6 months won't even agree to being called your freaking boyfriend by then--well, he ain't the right guy. He just ain't. Time to cut your losses.

(And in all probability, he's probably fucking who-knows-how-many other girls on the side and wants to refrain from being your "official" boyfriend so that he doesn't have to feel guilty about it. After all, if he's not your boyfriend, it's not cheating, yeah?)

Posted by White Rabbit Well, personally, that sounds like a higher circle of Hell to me... BUT, if that's what someone's looking for eventually, and some guy you've been dating for 6 months won't even agree to being called your freaking boyfriend by then--well, he ain't the right guy. He just ain't. Time to cut your losses. (And in all probability, he's probably fucking who-knows-how-many other girls on the side and wants to refrain from being your "official" boyfriend so that he doesn't have to feel guilty about it. After all, if he's not your boyfriend, it's not cheating, yeah?)

I am finding this a very hard thing to say but.....White Rabbit is on to something. I think he is right on. Oh god I said it.

Posted by shellyl I am finding this a very hard thing to say but.....White Rabbit is on to something. I think he is right on. Oh god I said it.

Indeed, I feel the same way. Let's run away together, shall we shellyl?

Posted by Squidgit Indeed, I feel the same way. Let's run away together, shall we shellyl?

PM the pics to me. I won't share them with anyone. Promise.

BTW. The Rabbit's right. If you're still the guy's 'friend,' you're just one of many. Move on.

Posted by KublaKhan PM the pics to me. I won't share them with anyone. Promise. BTW. The Rabbit's right. If you're still the guy's 'friend,' you're just one of many. Move on.

Squidgit I thought you were sending them to him.

Senseriffic how are things going?

Posted by shellyl Squidgit I thought you were sending them to him.

Your camera got the better angles. Mine were just absurd close ups, he won't be interested in that, of course.

::sighs::

Still nothing, things have been pretty crazy for him... and myself for that matter.

Ive taken these 2 weeks to really try finding myself, what I want out of life... heh mostly Ive been exploring like theres no tomorrow, taking a lot more risks. But in other areas... Im not doing as well as I had hoped, probably a sick twisted piece of me wants to spite him.... only hampering myself in the end.

I don't do the friends thing anymore, I can assure you he will not get the pleasure of knowing me if things don't work out.

I havent really seen or spoke to him, I dont really know what to say about all that, he was away for a week at his brothers straightening out car problems (not sure if I believe that story... but he does have a brand new car!!!!)

Whatever happens, I know I'll be better after this.


Ill keep yall updated heh I dont even know why you people care so much ;)

It's done with. Just move on.

At this point theres no need for anything other than this blunt answer.

If it was me, I'd call it quits immediately after he came in my mouth. But that's just me.

LOL!!!!! he wishes could cum in my mouth....

i dunno how readily i can just throw this relationship away, i was never this happy with anyone.