check this,

I have not talked or seen my dad since the early 90s. He has been a deadbeat dad and never paid child support to my mom or anything like that. Its MUCH more complex than this, but I firgured I would ask. I found out recently where my dad lives and his medical condition. I also have been getting cards from him over the past few years.

During my parents separtion, he lied lots about me not being hits kids, and things like that. I have no bad no feelings for him and just wat him to no that I whish he will rest inn peace. hot is this done

Posted by u25680 check this, I have not talked or seen my dad since the early 90s. He has been a deadbeat dad and never paid child support to my mom or anything like that. Its MUCH more complex than this, but I firgured I would ask. I found out recently where my dad lives and his medical condition. I also have been getting cards from him over the past few years. During my parents separtion, he lied lots about me not being hits kids, and things like that. I have no bad no feelings for him and just wat him to no that I whish he will rest inn peace. hot is this done

While you don't understand the reasons for the choices he made in years past, tell him that you will try to forgive him. Visit him and tell him this.

Posted by KublaKhan While you don't understand the reasons for the choices he made in years past, tell him that you will try to forgive him. Visit him and tell him this.

I actually sucked it up and called his hospice. we talked for about 30 mins. he had just been given some morphine and by the end of the conversation, it was like talking to a baby.

I doubt he even remembers, but I can live with myself now.

what you said is pretty much what I've been told by everyone.

Holy FUCK. I have never seen anyone get KK to respond so considerately.

But yeah, My dad was a cock when I was pretty young. Not as bad as yours, but I did see him knock my mother over when I was about 8 or 9, and I yelled and hit him until he left the house.

At some point after college, I decided to give him a chance, and deal with him as the person he is NOW, as opposed to whatever he was under the circumstances when he was younger.

He's an okay guy now, and he I have a pretty good relationship with him. My brothers will barely speak to him due to his past behavior, but I really feel like I am rewarded by the relationship. For one thing, it really gives me some perspective and a chance for introspection regarding lots of the aspects of my personality that I don't like, which I see in him.

Anyway, that's obviously not the path that you guys will go down. I'm glad you got a chance to talk. Sorry he was such a dick.

Posted by MutantMandias Holy FUCK. I have never seen anyone get KK to respond so considerately. But yeah, My dad was a cock when I was pretty young. Not as bad as yours, but I did see him knock my mother over when I was about 8 or 9, and I yelled and hit him until he left the house. At some point after college, I decided to give him a chance, and deal with him as the person he is NOW, as opposed to whatever he was under the circumstances when he was younger. He's an okay guy now, and he I have a pretty good relationship with him. My brothers will barely speak to him due to his past behavior, but I really feel like I am rewarded by the relationship. For one thing, it really gives me some perspective and a chance for introspection regarding lots of the aspects of my personality that I don't like, which I see in him. Anyway, that's obviously not the path that you guys will go down. I'm glad you got a chance to talk. Sorry he was such a dick.

thanks for the input and im glad it worked out for you. one thing that has always bothered my is the fact that this guy was never honest with me ( or anyone). even today, when I talked to him and he is so mentally out of it he still managed to tell me a lie. Im not worried because I have peace of mind and I can tell my daughter the story and not be bothered by any of it.

My brother and I are actually planning a trip to florida and visit him at the hospice. I need to call up the flurbex guys and take a side trip. ; )

You got some good advice here. As much as it sucks he left you, you gotta go see him. It'll save you years of regret and thousands of dollars in therapy.

your right. surprisingly, im getting the most resist from my brother who was always closest to him.

this kid can really hold a grudge.

Edit - im curious that no women have gave imput on this.

the only the woman to give advice has been my wife and she puts it very simple-

fuck him.

Honestly, and I really, for once, am not trying to be a dick, but women have absolutely no place in this.

Not like I would get all bitchy about a woman chiming in, but for the most part, I would bet that the general attitude regarding a woman's comment would be, "Oh, well... that's nice... thanks for your input. Now, guys, what were we talking about?"

I honestly do not have any advice for you.... so I will stay out of it and let the men/boys continue their conversation

Posted by Squidgit I honestly do not have any advice for you.... so I will stay out of it and let the men/boys continue their conversation

well, since the hospice is asking for a sibling to make final conditions ( he has taken a turn for the worse ) I have gotten his sister who has not talked to him in 25 years to do so and say good by and tell the hospice what to do, when he passes. a womans opinion would be welcomed here.

whats nice about this whole thing, is I have gotten in contact with my aunt ( dad's sister and my cousin, both of which I have not seen in 20 years) involved in family stuff. this is nice because it will help explain family history to my little girl.

seems strange to get advice from people I dont know, but I think in a case like this, its the best option.



also, any woman who has imput, please add! I love any feedback!

Posted by u25680 well, since the hospice is asking for a sibling to make final conditions ( he has taken a turn for the worse ) I have gotten his sister who has not talked to him in 25 years to do so and say good by and tell the hospice what to do, when he passes. a womans opinion would be welcomed here. whats nice about this whole thing, is I have gotten in contact with my aunt ( dad's sister and my cousin, both of which I have not seen in 20 years) involved in family stuff. this is nice because it will help explain family history to my little girl. seems strange to get advice from people I dont know, but I think in a case like this, its the best option. also, any woman who has imput, please add! I love any feedback!

No no no...this is a 'father/son' thing. No girls allowed.

well, I want to thank all of you guys, ( and gal ) for the imput on this matter.

MY brother and I have gotten the closure we need to go on with out life but still feel a void is missing. As of 4:40 today our dad passed without pain from live cancer. My brother had spent 13 mins before talking to him trying to reiterate the fact we forgave him for not being there for us. 3 mins after chris hung up the phone( my bro got off the phone ) the nurse called back and said "David Lesefske" had died.

we both got the chance to make peace with him in the last week and we are convinced he died knowing we held no grudges. I am not an angry person and so is my brother, so this helps - alot.

The Nurse at the Hospice told us that after speaking to us, he seemed happy as if to know he could rest in peace... I dont believe in religous stuff but for some reason this time I am making an exception.

we are going down to FL to get his stuff and make final arrangements, in the next few days. I expect to send his ashes up to buffalo and have them buried next to his parents in Gowanda NY. that only seems right, as to have a son next to his mom and dad..

I really want to thank you guys for the honest advice ( you dont know me from the crackead next door ) and good input on how to handle this matter.

I know I am not the first kid to be abandoned by his dad, or the last but something about this kept me from going insane...

All you UER Parents ROCK!!!. and your advice really helped make a bad situation that much better. = )

Ok, now that I am really sad and drunk, I will leave my homies , ( all you gyes ) alone!! Peace..

dont take your family for granted ever. no matter how long of a time, it will come up and bite you in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much Clown Love, brother.

I just saw this, and I know its a little late and maybe not cool to bring this thread back to the top, but I just wanted to share.


I think you did the right thing, and reading through your posts you have actually helped me in my situation.

Mine was very much the same as yours. My dad split before I was born. All I had was a name and not even so much as a picture. About a year ago, my half sister (from another father) found my dads brother. Well, the brother wouldn't give up my dads info but said he'd let my dad know. I didn't hear anything from my dad so I figured the stories were true, he didn't give a flying F about me or the grandkids he's never met. 3 more months went by and my sister sent him a picture of me and thats when I received a phone call. I can't even explain what it was like to hear my dads voice for the first time. Now, I've heard so many bad things about this guy, I didn't know if I should hold a grudge for him not being there, or forgive him and try to work things out.

I went to Iowa on Christmas day of 06 and met him, my step mother and little sister for the first time. I was very happy to meet him, but still had hard feelings although I kept them inside. My little sister is 18 and he's been in her life the whole time, and has been a great father. I sat there and looked at pictures in photo albums of him taking her fishing for the first time, riding her first bike etc. I had to hold back tears. I was robbed of that because he wasn't ready to be a father. I guess he thought he was doing me favors by sharing these pics with me, but it made it worse. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Anyway, until now I guess I have always held somewhat of a grudge against him for not being there. He is in poor health and has been for a long time. He was s suppose to only have 6 months to live 3 years ago. He's barely hanging on. Reading through these posts, seeing the advice and seeing how your outcome has actually helped me to forgive my dad for not being there a little more. I think it's something I've needed to do for awhile, just didn't really know how or why I should. It's a very confusing thing to go through, especially after you hear all the horror stories about this person your whole life.


Anyway, I'm glad things worked out for you in the end, and thank YOU for posting and asking for advice here. Yeah, it's just some internet forum, but I can see that some of the people on here are more than just a smart ass behind a keyboard. Some people really do care and can show heart when it's needed most.

Posted by Happiedaze I just saw this, and I know its a little late and maybe not cool to bring this thread back to the top, but I just wanted to share. I think you did the right thing, and reading through your posts you have actually helped me in my situation. Mine was very much the same as yours. My dad split before I was born. All I had was a name and not even so much as a picture. About a year ago, my half sister (from another father) found my dads brother. Well, the brother wouldn't give up my dads info but said he'd let my dad know. I didn't hear anything from my dad so I figured the stories were true, he didn't give a flying F about me or the grandkids he's never met. 3 more months went by and my sister sent him a picture of me and thats when I received a phone call. I can't even explain what it was like to hear my dads voice for the first time. Now, I've heard so many bad things about this guy, I didn't know if I should hold a grudge for him not being there, or forgive him and try to work things out. I went to Iowa on Christmas day of 06 and met him, my step mother and little sister for the first time. I was very happy to meet him, but still had hard feelings although I kept them inside. My little sister is 18 and he's been in her life the whole time, and has been a great father. I sat there and looked at pictures in photo albums of him taking her fishing for the first time, riding her first bike etc. I had to hold back tears. I was robbed of that because he wasn't ready to be a father. I guess he thought he was doing me favors by sharing these pics with me, but it made it worse. I cried myself to sleep that night. Anyway, until now I guess I have always held somewhat of a grudge against him for not being there. He is in poor health and has been for a long time. He was s suppose to only have 6 months to live 3 years ago. He's barely hanging on. Reading through these posts, seeing the advice and seeing how your outcome has actually helped me to forgive my dad for not being there a little more. I think it's something I've needed to do for awhile, just didn't really know how or why I should. It's a very confusing thing to go through, especially after you hear all the horror stories about this person your whole life. Anyway, I'm glad things worked out for you in the end, and thank YOU for posting and asking for advice here. Yeah, it's just some internet forum, but I can see that some of the people on here are more than just a smart ass behind a keyboard. Some people really do care and can show heart when it's needed most.

thanks. my brother and I just got back from florida ( last night ). it was one long as drive ( I saw about dozen plus places to check out, houses, schools but we had to be back for work today so stopping was a no go =( ).

it was a positive trip but very taxing on us, both mentally and emotionally.

we hauled all his stuff back up in my brothers truck. He had left me and him all his possessions, turns out he was into photography so I ended up with a new camera! plus it was kinda cool that he still had a gift I gave him almost 30 years ago.

the best find was a photo album he kept,, with 200+ pictures. the guy actually was a pretty good photographer. much better anything I post atleast.

strangest thing is, he was a vet so he is intitled to a honor guard ceremony.
An honor ceremony for an unhonorable man!? oh well. we will bury him next to his parents in NY. All his alive family is up there so they can visit if they want.

I think things turned out well. At first I was just gonna say fuck him. Then I realized I would have regrets down the road and not be able to tell our daughter what happened. I made my peace by talking to the guy and so did my brother. It turns out that right after my brother got off the phone, our dad died a minute later.. thats kind of creepy, but I guess he was waiting to hear from him.