I had a boyfriend that I thought I could trust, when I had gotten with him I did NOT want a relationship because I was so emotionally damaged from the last one (it took me MONTHS to get over it) We were together for aboutttt 6 or 7 months when he got totally piss ass drunk at a party and started hitting on other girls IN FRONT OF ME and walked off with his ex for a half hour (I dont think they did anything, shed be stupid to do something like that ESPECIALLY with me around, not the point though Im sure he tried) I sat and waited till morning when he was sober to basically tell him fuck you dont ever speak to me again. He BEGGED me to take him back and like an idiot... I did.

I was so pissed off and bitter about it because I KNEW i couldnt trust him after seeing what happens when all inhibitions go out the window. I wrote him a looong email about how I felt (not always great at expressing myself verbally) and he never replied to and soon after that HE broke up with me... all along showing tell-tale signs he had been cheating.

I remained friends with him (stupid mistake #2) and NEVER ever could let go of what he did to me. I would still have sex with him and we came close to getting back together a few times....every single time he was cheating on SOMEONE ELSE WITH ME, stupid mistake #3. Just recently as of January and me constantly accusing him of cheating on me he FINALLY admitted it, Stupid on my part for trying a year and a half to get something out of him I knew all along.

My point of this story is... well a few things. If you can't let go of a mistake someone else made, you need to re-evaluate yourself and the situation. For my own sanity's sake I should have let this go a long time ago. But if I had also just learned to accept him maybe things would be different (not that Id ever wish that because I love my current boyfriend more than anything in this world)

In the end it comes down to what you can accept... cuz if you can't get passed it and accept it... its not worth putting yourself though the same pain I did

Posted by Esoterik This is BS. No excuse for cheating, kick their ass to the curb. Cheating is not a flaw to accept. There is a lot to be said for keeping respect for yourself high and not being a chump.

OMG Fucking moral hysterics. See, cheating is a breach of agreement. The problem with typical monogamous relationships is that these agreements were made without direct consent, but rather they are based off assumptions. People who cheat have not been given the chance to be completely honest. Generally what happens in a typical relationship is that two people get together, there is that charge where both parties feel like they need no one else. Often times things are said in the moment which are only a part of their whole feelings. This is where assumptions are made. As time goes on, those feelings subside, and the rest of this persons nature will be seen. The "cheater" will feel trapped and will keep things secret, until they cheat. But will lie, in the fear that truth will fuck up a good thing. And it is a sad state that the people who get cheated on either don't do anything about(as their love and understanding is strong) or they feel the are forced(hence why I feel the quote above to be highly immature) to break up with the one they love without really working on what needs to be worked on. Here is when things get really fucked up(and I will give my personal opinions on the subject). In most relationships, love is given this larger than life meaning, like somehow there is only one person out there for you. This is completely wrong. If this was true, then people would have no need for friends. A committed relationship is one thing: A decision. The love was always there, and no matter what pains, the love will continue to be there. I don't care if a person is poly or mono, the same rules apply: It is a choice to be faithful. The problem is that it is not realized that people also have to be faithful to themselves. If not, bitterness, fighting, and a great rent will be made and great pains will be suffered. Never self sacrifice to make someone happy. You won't. This doesn't mean do not compromise. In my own semi poly relationship, there is a "rule" of "nothing below the waist" and of keeping in communication. These are spoken agreements. Something I can hold myself to. It is up to every relationship you have to consciously make agreements, compromise when need be, and revisit. Always revisit. Because people change. The plan is to change and grow with them.

Posted by dirt all of the above

Thank you!

Posted by Oryx Thank you!

For what? Sounding like a know it all wanker, who has way to much time on his hands?

o.O

Posted by dirt The problem with typical monogamous relationships is that these agreements were made without direct consent, but rather they are based off assumptions. Generally what happens in a typical relationship is that two people get together, there is that charge where both parties feel like they need no one else. Often times things are said in the moment which are only a part of their whole feelings. This is where assumptions are made. As time goes on, those feelings subside, and the rest of this persons nature will be seen. They will feel trapped and will keep things secret, but will lie, in the fear that truth will fuck up a good thing.

Posted by dirt For what? Sounding like a know it all wanker, who has way to much time on his hands? o.O

I guess it's a compliment, even if we who give it don't know enough to appraise your words ;). I think that relationships fail when people come in with assumptions and then don't talk about them, or about the problems that come up because of them. The "yay snuggles" charge or whatever runs out with nothing to replace it. The End.

God knows it's what I did.

Wait, this was about Action? I thought it was all hypothetical! I take back anything I said, and replace it with "tell him to shape up, or it's bacon sandwiches for breakfast"

Posted by metawaffle Wait, this was about Action? I thought it was all hypothetical! I take back anything I said, and replace it with "tell him to shape up, or it's bacon sandwiches for breakfast"

He says to tell you that it's only hypothetically about him.



I think we're doing okay. That all was very great; thanks especially to dirt, AnAppleSnail, meta, and Mandias... Shit. I told him I wouldn't even mind if he turned out like Mandias, as long as I got a little bit of a break from it so I could learn to trust him again. Forgiving him helped immensely... I just have to sit back and do some self-care and evaluate myself in the situation, I think. I dunno. Lately I've had this feeling of "it'll be okay"... mostly because he managed to declare his commitment and reassured me we would work it out. It felt good to be validated like that.

I know this was a hard thing for him to see but I appreciate you guys not demonizing him and making him feel bad... I realize that much of what he did/tried to do/said came from not taking the relationship seriously for the first few months because it was long distance. I think he wanted you guys to know that. So, I understand where he was coming from. I know he wouldn't do anything like that, now. I mean.... Because I haven't had TIME to build and strengthen trust and re-build that relationship foundation, I still have that little voice in the back of my head... but she can be talked down with some logical stuff, too.

I don't think this will come to a compromise situation, which is basically a win-lose for both people. I think this will come to a win-win situation, as long as we are communicating openly. Thanks so much to everyone who said anything. It really put some things into perspective and was very thought-provoking.


I'm gonna go ahead and lock this now.... If anyone else has anything to contribute, feel free to PM me. thank you all so much, again. <3 I really appreciate it.

I love him so much, and I know that he loves me. I really hope that we can find a way to meet each other's needs while feeling good that our needs are being met, as well.