...And finding out your brother is one.



I.e. the kind of despicable scum-of-the-earth who would ever think about mistreating his girlfriend. And at 15. As someone who was abused verbally and physically as a child, I can honestly say there isn't an ounce of me that doesn't hate him. I'd say "right now" as if my hatred would eventually dissipate, but I know that would be a lie.

The worst part is I can't even help the girl in question through any of this, because I hardly talked to her, and now it's too late.

Posted by snap228 ...And finding out your brother is one. I.e. the kind of despicable scum-of-the-earth who would ever think about mistreating his girlfriend. And at 15. As someone who was abused verbally and physically as a child, I can honestly say there isn't an ounce of me that doesn't hate him. I'd say "right now" as if my hatred would eventually dissipate, but I know that would be a lie. The worst part is I can't even help the girl in question through any of this, because I hardly talked to her, and now it's too late.

:x

That's a sad thing to come upon.

Violent behavior typically drops in by the age of 20...so there might be hope for him to not be a jerk?

Posted by jukebox fuckup :x That's a sad thing to come upon. Violent behavior typically drops in by the age of 20...so there might be hope for him to not be a jerk?

No. The younger you are when you first start showing violence towards people the worse off you are.

Snap, I'm so sorry. What do you mean by too late? Is she ok? If it was my brother I'd beat the fuck out of him then go find her and hold her. Even if I had never spoken to her in my life. I hope she's ok. I've been on the victim end of that kinda thing before too and I definitely have a strong sense of justice.

Posted by Oryx No. The younger you are when you first start showing violence towards people the worse off you are. Snap, I'm so sorry. What do you mean by too late? Is she ok? If it was my brother I'd beat the fuck out of him then go find her and hold her. Even if I had never spoken to her in my life. I hope she's ok. I've been on the victim end of that kinda thing before too and I definitely have a strong sense of justice.

Yeah, me too. I don't live with my parents, otherwise I would do something not very smart to him. It's probably for the better, as he's a big kid, taller than me. He's been violent toward his family for a while, given me welts and bruises on several occasions. So I guess we should have seen it coming...

I mean it's too late because there's an investigation underway. She's taken out a restraining order on him, which he totally deserves. If I were to talk to her now I'm afraid it would be misconstrued.

Posted by snap228 Yeah, me too. I don't live with my parents, otherwise I would do something not very smart to him. It's probably for the better, as he's a big kid, taller than me. He's been violent toward his family for a while, given me welts and bruises on several occasions. So I guess we should have seen it coming... I mean it's too late because there's an investigation underway. She's taken out a restraining order on him, which he totally deserves. If I were to talk to her now I'm afraid it would be misconstrued.

I don't think it would be misconstrued, but I don't know the whole story. Im glad there's an investigation now. I hope they put him in some anger management courses or something. Maybe just general therapy. A lot of times when kids are violent it's their way of lashing out due to a deeper problem. If that's the case, the sooner it's addressed the better. I would definitely try to talk to her eventually though. The more support for her the better. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a shitty situation that everyone just ignored. It's not pleasant.

Posted by Oryx I don't think it would be misconstrued, but I don't know the whole story. Im glad there's an investigation now. I hope they put him in some anger management courses or something. Maybe just general therapy. A lot of times when kids are violent it's their way of lashing out due to a deeper problem. If that's the case, the sooner it's addressed the better. I would definitely try to talk to her eventually though. The more support for her the better. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a shitty situation that everyone just ignored. It's not pleasant.

He's adopted, and the root of it all is that HE was abused when he was a (very small) child, but those kind of things stick with you.

He's probably looking at juvi and/or jail time (by now they could try him as an adult). I can honestly say that if that's the case, I won't visit him one day during his sentence.

Edit: he's also already on probation, which will probably play into it.

Posted by snap228 He's adopted, and the root of it all is that HE was abused when he was a (very small) child, but those kind of things stick with you. He's probably looking at juvi and/or jail time (by now they could try him as an adult). I can honestly say that if that's the case, I won't visit him one day during his sentence. Edit: he's also already on probation, which will probably play into it.

That sucks. It's a shame when kids are abused. Just starts a vicious cycle that's terribly hard to break.

Sorry again for all that's happening. Hope the girl is ok and hope your brother wont hurt you or anyone else anymore

Thanks for all the kind wishes. The girl, as far as I know, is doing fine. A bit shaken, as to be expected.

The hard fact is that I know my brother, and I know he'll never learn. If there's something he wants, he thinks he can just take it, and that's something I'm afraid he'll never be broken of. And for that, he can rot in whatever hell they send him to, as far as I'm concerned.

The kid likely will be roaming the earth for several more decades. It would be nice if someone tried to get him help instead of writing him off at such a young age.

Posted by Oryx No. The younger you are when you first start showing violence towards people the worse off you are.

Most findings support that violent behavior peaks in the late teens and levels off in the early 20s (http://www.psychol...ge-crime_curve.jpg).

I otherwise see what you are getting at- violent behavior at a young age is a general concern

all jail does at a young age is perfect a criminal.

Talking to her would be a good idea, even a quick IM or email, She would probably feel a little better knowing his own sister was supporting her, and didnt side with him just because he is family.

Posted by argonian The kid likely will be roaming the earth for several more decades. It would be nice if someone tried to get him help instead of writing him off at such a young age.

My parents are trying to help him...he's been going to therapy for years. But the shit I've been through with him, I feel like I've given him enough second chances. Call me bitter, but I can't even bring myself to hug him anymore. So, he is getting help. Just not from me.

Talking to her would be a good idea, even a quick IM or email, She would probably feel a little better knowing his own sister was supporting her, and didnt side with him just because he is family.

I would agree, except for two things. 1. She's only 14, and I feel like her mom would have some issues with me talking to her out of the blue, to "comfort" her, and 2. because of the investigation, my talking to her and telling her I basically know and believe everything she says (which is true) might complicate the investigation for my brother. Not that I don't think that he deserves what he gets, I'm just between a rock and a hard place, here.

Posted by snap228 My parents are trying to help him...he's been going to therapy for years. But the shit I've been through with him, I feel like I've given him enough second chances. Call me bitter, but I can't even bring myself to hug him anymore. So, he is getting help. Just not from me.

Youths are typically diverted away from the criminal justice system and into diversion programs. I would not be surprised if he is court ordered to mental health court and/or anger management.

Posted by snap228 My parents are trying to help him...he's been going to therapy for years. But the shit I've been through with him, I feel like I've given him enough second chances. Call me bitter, but I can't even bring myself to hug him anymore. So, he is getting help. Just not from me. I would agree, except for two things. 1. She's only 14, and I feel like her mom would have some issues with me talking to her out of the blue, to "comfort" her, and 2. because of the investigation, my talking to her and telling her I basically know and believe everything she says (which is true) might complicate the investigation for my brother. Not that I don't think that he deserves what he gets, I'm just between a rock and a hard place, here.

Try different therapists? Staying with one can be detrimental if they aren't helping. I was forced to stay with the same one when I was for years when I was young. He thought there was nothing wrong with me. Oh he was VERY fucking wrong. I think he should be sued. If I didn't go to the hospital for help theres a very big chance I wouldn't be here now. Seriously. Some therapists are fucking dumb and useless.

In some regions (DC is one of them), if the police are called in on somebody having a mentally ill episode of sorts, that is grounds for them to get involuntarily committed.

I feel sorta evil suggesting this 'cause involuntary commitment has been (historically) abused, but if his violent outbursts appear a bit "crazy" (for lack of better phrasing), you might be able to have him locked away & treated. In DC (and presumably, most places), he cannot be emergency hospitalized for more than 48 hours without attorney generals and psychological professionals signing off on him. It is not really like you are ultimately screwing him over if you had to call the police during his outburst/violent episode & slipped it in there that you are concerned with his mental state- if his behavior is a result of his illness, then he is forced to get treatment and will not be discharged until he is "stabilized"

Posted by Oryx Try different therapists? Staying with one can be detrimental if they aren't helping. I was forced to stay with the same one when I was for years when I was young. He thought there was nothing wrong with me. Oh he was VERY fucking wrong. I think he should be sued. If I didn't go to the hospital for help theres a very big chance I wouldn't be here now. Seriously. Some therapists are fucking dumb and useless.

He's been with several, over the years. Right now I think he's doing group therapy, as well as (I think) one-on-one. I'm not privy to all the doctors he sees, but my parents are pretty good at judging who's helping and who's not. Unfortunately, due to his issues, he has attachment disorder, severe ADHD, and PTSD, all of which are being treated. He's been to therapists, psychologists, and neurologists.

I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up in a mental institution. That's what my parents were going to push for with his last conviction (it was downed to a trespassing violation, but shoulda been arson). He also still has a vandalism charge hanging over his head. Either way, I don't really care anymore. My parents are really good people, and are doing their best to do what's right, whatever right may be. I'm just through with him. My parents are obligated to love him, I'm not. (I sound awful, don't I?)

Posted by snap228 He's been with several, over the years. Right now I think he's doing group therapy, as well as (I think) one-on-one. I'm not privy to all the doctors he sees, but my parents are pretty good at judging who's helping and who's not. Unfortunately, due to his issues, he has attachment disorder, severe ADHD, and PTSD, all of which are being treated. He's been to therapists, psychologists, and neurologists. I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up in a mental institution. That's what my parents were going to push for with his last conviction (it was downed to a trespassing violation, but shoulda been arson). He also still has a vandalism charge hanging over his head. Either way, I don't really care anymore. My parents are really good people, and are doing their best to do what's right, whatever right may be. I'm just through with him. My parents are obligated to love him, I'm not. (I sound awful, don't I?)

I know how it is to be at your wit's end with family members.

It's a shame he is in such (legitimately) bad condition :/

OH and to make my life even BETTER, I just found out my mom is in the ICU. She came down with the Swine Flu, which turned to pneumonia. So now she's in the hospital, and I can't even visit her.

My life ROCKS right now.

Posted by snap228 My life ROCKS right now.

Damn, snap228. Positive thoughts go out to you and your mother. I hope you're both doing better damn fast.