How do you feel about them?

Posted by leefypk How do you feel about them?

Too difficult, unless you have some kind of D/s thing going.

Open relationships are asking for trouble, so avoid them if you can.


I can't function in a long-term monogamous relationship, so I have open relationships out of necessity. For me, as long as their is communication and honesty I don't feel any jealousy. And, on a good week, it can be awesome.

Also, remember that there are various degrees of openness, so you (and your significant other(s)) can craft your relationship to fit your specific situation.

They don't work for me, but I think they'd work fine for other people whose definition of a committed relationship differs from mine.

You may want to see this thread on polyamory...

http://www.uer.ca/...d=1&threadid=70545

I get too attached and jealous for it to ever work for me.

They don't work.

I've never been in one (not knowingly, at the time at least), but ever couple I've seen try it has been ruined.

Posted by bandi They don't work. I've never been in one (not knowingly, at the time at least), but ever couple I've seen try it has been ruined.

ATNSAOEUNSEUHTNEUNST;SNTU;EUTSN;AEO;TEUT;SNTEUNT

OK. Rant.

99% of couples who are in an open relationship rush into it without thinking and, most importantly, without communicating. Communication is absolutely essential in an open relationship. Without open, honest communication there will be no trust, and trust is SO important for non-monogamy to work. When it comes to dating, I'm primarily interested in open relationships, more specifically polyamory. Monogamy has just never felt right to me. Even since I was a little kid, it never made sense to me why we as a society have this approach to love that implies that everyone has a very limited amount of love available, and that if they love more than one person, that their love for each person is somehow less strong. Or, for that matter, why sex is so strongly associated with love. Sex feels good. It's a physical thing, like a backrub. Love is an emotional thing. Sex and love together is an incredible combination. But that doesn't mean that sex without love is somehow dirty, shameful, sinful, immoral or wrong!

If you want to have an open relationship, read this book first:
http://en.wikipedi...i/The_Ethical_Slut
If everyone who tried open relationships read that book first and really went by what it said, then there wouldn't be all these failing open relationships making people make these ridiculous blanket statements like "open relationships don't work."

Something else people need to realize is that ALL relationships are difficult! No shit, lots of open relationships fail, because they are relationships, and lots of relationships fail! Something that poly people tend to understand and realize very well is that just because a relationship ends doesn't mean it failed. It just needed to end. When you finish reading a good book, you DO feel sad that it's over, but that doesn't mean you regret reading it!

Personally, I'm almost exclusively interested in polyamorous relationships. I can do monogamy, and often have done it somewhat successfully in the past when I have found myself in love with a person who is primarily monogamous, but it will never really feel natural to me. To me, polyamory makes sense and feels right and natural to me; monogamy never has and never will.

The Ethical Slut. Go read it before you judge.
http://en.wikipedi...i/The_Ethical_Slut

</rant>

Sorry to get so mad, Bandi just pushed a button of mine that a few others on here had already partially depressed. It's ok though, these are very common misconceptions. I can answer any questions anyone has about open relationships, polyamory, swinging, or any other type of non-monogamy...and I promise I won't explode on you.

Posted by bandi They don't work. I've never been in one (not knowingly, at the time at least), but ever couple I've seen try it has been ruined.

a) they can work
b) if you didn't know, it wasn't an open relationship, it was cheating, which is different.
c) almost every couple i know in a mono relationship has had it die too...

Craig really covered most of it though. Just remember when reading TES that not all poly relationship have to be as extreme as the ones in that book.

Posted by MindHacker not all poly relationship have to be as extreme as the ones in that book.

This. Don't get hung up on labels, commuicate wants and needs so that the relationship works.

I'm too jealous for one. I don't like sharing. The concept appeals to me, but I could never actually practice it.

Posted by leefypk How do you feel about them?

Great. Me and my current partner have been together for over a year at this point, and this is what fits us both the best. Very early on we set up our boundaries, what was and wasn't okay for us. At first it was a little weird... "If I go out on a date with 'random dude' will the boyfriend REALLY be okay with it" and vice versa. For the two of us, it all really just boils down to being honest with ourselves, each other, and any one else that we may happen to see.

Posted by [23] Great. Me and my current partner have been together for over a year at this point, and this is what fits us both the best. Very early on we set up our boundaries, what was and wasn't okay for us. At first it was a little weird... "If I go out on a date with 'random dude' will the boyfriend REALLY be okay with it" and vice versa. For the two of us, it all really just boils down to being honest with ourselves, each other, and any one else that we may happen to see.

You got it. Honesty is the key. It definitely isn't for everyone, and it's completely different for everyone that does it. You have to work together and communicate to set up your own boundaries and rules that work for your relationship.