Like confusion is anything new to guys. Okay so here is my problem. I have been dating this girl for a little over four years now. Everything has gein wonderfully until recent when she got a new job. She now works 9-5 monday through friday. Weekends, holidays, the whole nine yards. Cool. But I am a chef and I work nights and weekends. We rarely see each other anymore and it has ravaged our relationship.
Here is where the confusion comes in, I told here that I would switch to a daytime job somewhere in the culinary industry so that we could have time together again, yet she tells me that she would rather things stay the way they are than to risk me not liking my job and resenting her. I am still looking for a daytime job, but what the hell am I supposed to think?

Posted by ChefMunki Like confusion is anything new to guys. Okay so here is my problem. I have been dating this girl for a little over four years now. Everything has gein wonderfully until recent when she got a new job. She now works 9-5 monday through friday. Weekends, holidays, the whole nine yards. Cool. But I am a chef and I work nights and weekends. We rarely see each other anymore and it has ravaged our relationship. Here is where the confusion comes in, I told here that I would switch to a daytime job somewhere in the culinary industry so that we could have time together again, yet she tells me that she would rather things stay the way they are than to risk me not liking my job and resenting her. I am still looking for a daytime job, but what the hell am I supposed to think?

I went through this with Sam not too long before we broke up.

Last Christmas, I was going to take a job in Memphis, TN. for the company we work for and we could move there on the company's dime, but he didn't want things to change and didn't want to move out from his mom's house.

I think it's a choice that you have to personally make. Decide if you like your job, decide if you can actually make that kind of change without driving yourself crazy and if she loves you enough to make that kind of a change herself. Sam loved me, but I don't think he loved me enough to make the change. I'm kind of glad I didn't take the job lately, but I wonder what would have happened and if he'd have been happier if we had moved.

In the end, I'm sad that we broke up and I really wish we hadn't sometimes, but my job is my job, sometimes it's the best point of my life, other times I wish I could quit and just stay home.

Yeah I am willing to make the change. I can't speak for her because sometimes it sounds like she doesn't want me to change, but neither of us like the situation as it currently stands. Thanks for the kind words and the advice Shael.
My girl does have her entire family out here, but rarely gets along with any of them. I am hundreds of miles from anyone of my bloodline. I think she is just lonely because we went from being together all the time to barely seeing each other like eight hours a week.

This could be a test. One of those things where she tells you she doesn't want you to switch shifts but in reality she does want you to, she just wants to see if YOU want to. I say do it and see what happens. Sorry, we girls are horrible creatures to live with.

Do what YOU want. Simple as that.

Posted by Brind Do what YOU want. Simple as that.

HE IS NOT A GIRL DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM

Posted by Skold HE IS NOT A GIRL DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM

Yeah, forgot about the title of this thread. I'm really not good with directions...

One more thing I'll tell you...

Sam has issues with where we work. He has since he got hired.

He believes that the mill is beneath himself and beneath me. He's continually told me that and whenever we talk now, he still believes it. It's the only reason I pursued the job in Memphis, because I thought he really wanted to get out of the mill and out of this town. I guess I was wrong.

What I can't make him understand is that this job is the first job I've ever had where I am respected for what I know and what I can do. It's honest work, it's damn good money and if you're gonna stay here, it's probably the single best paying job outside of leaving this town. On top of this, he doesn't understand that you have to make an effort to improve the place if you don't like what's going on. You have to do something, anything, get involved. You can't stay hidden in your control room and wait for the world to pass over you.

It's a multinational corporation and when the vice president comes to town and actually knows who I am, what I can do and what I have done for the company before I even meet the man, I'm doing something right.

IP is like the mafia, there's only one way out and that's death. Once an employee, always an employee.

Posted by Shael IP is like the mafia, there's only one way out and that's death. Once an employee, always an employee.

It's not just IP but the entire paper industry. Once you are in you are in for life.

Sheal and Sam broke up?

Posted by KublaKhan Sheal and Sam broke up?

Yeah, back in January-February. I'm still screwed up from the entire experience.

Posted by Shael Yeah, back in January-February. I'm still screwed up from the entire experience.

The breakup or the relationship itself?

Posted by KublaKhan The breakup or the relationship itself?

The breakup. I honestly thought that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. But that wasn't the case.

Posted by Shael I honestly thought that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives.

Grow up, sister...this ain't the movies. Wipe the puppy dogs and unicorns from your eyes, and go out drinking and find yourself a perfectly slutty manwhore, then toss him to the curb where he belongs.

_{(Rabbit has Wednesday nights open, and Thursday mornings and lunchtime on Saturday)}

Posted by KublaKhan Grow up, sister...this ain't the movies. Wipe the puppy dogs and unicorns from your eyes, and go out drinking and find yourself a perfectly slutty manwhore, then toss him to the curb where he belongs. (Rabbit has Wednesday nights open, and Thursday mornings and lunchtime on Saturday)

This is why you're, like, the best ever.

(Hi KK.)

Posted by KublaKhan Grow up, sister...this ain't the movies. Wipe the puppy dogs and unicorns from your eyes, and go out drinking and find yourself a perfectly slutty manwhore, then toss him to the curb where he belongs. (Rabbit has Wednesday nights open, and Thursday mornings and lunchtime on Saturday)

Honey, I grew up, Sam didn't. That's what caused the whole mess. He wanted to stay with his mom. I was ready and willing to leave home, my job and the few friends I have here. Sam decided that what Sam wanted was more important than what I wanted...so here we are.

Off topic but I think the both of you need to get the hell away from that paper mill and move somewhere/anywhere (not necessarily together) else. It's just what I hear you two talk about, I just don't see why it's worth it working there and living where you do.

Posted by trent Off topic but I think the both of you need to get the hell away from that paper mill and move somewhere/anywhere (not necessarily together) else. It's just what I hear you two talk about, I just don't see why it's worth it working there and living where you do.

One reason we stay...Money.

Ridiculous amounts of money that we're paid for stupid jobs that are called "semi skilled" according to the company.

For a person without a college degree to be pulling down nearly 45-50K a year plus is unheard of up here and would be without IP. My last job, I was making less than half of what I make now. My job is quite physical compared to the desk job I used to have, but I like it a hell of a lot better than my old job. I'm left alone and don't have anyone to answer to but the guy I work with. It has it's good points and bad, but if I had a choice, there's no where else that I'd rather be. I know my job and my production line better than just about anyone else, including my manager. I'm good at my job, probably one of the best there's ever been on the line from the numbers we've managed to produce and the tonnage we've sent out the door in the past four years, with a customer complaint rate of less than 1 per thousand tons shipped, and I'm respected and the people I work with actually give a shit about me. Some days, I feel like screaming, but when I leave the mill, my work doesn't follow me home. Unless it's union business.

back on topic, think of this. your future is in your hands. something changed in her life, and now, your relationship has changed. that is the nature of change. change makes other change. so, really, yes. what do YOU want? do you want to TRY to make things work with this girl? is she worth it to you? do you want to let change continue, and go with it, learn to adapt? sometimes life is not fair, and sometimes people have to make sacrifices. however, it seems that if you let things stay as is that problems may occur. i dont think that your lady is trying to guilt you into anything, because she is right. if you did get a job that wasnot as good as the one you currently have and things get worse for you, this could at times cause strain on you. but maybe you arent like that, and wont resent her. but who knows. as normal people, thinking of themselves first (nothing really wrong with that, this is normally the safest route to go to ensure proper survival!) perhaps she only wants what is best for both of you. however, i dont know the girl, but she might see that you really do care if you were serious about this. you dont have to completely quit either, just in case things dont work out. maybe, work a few nights a week where you are (if this is even a possibility) currently. and just in case anything does happen, you might be able to get your full hours back..
just an idea.

Posted by ChefMunki Like confusion is anything new to guys. Okay so here is my problem. I have been dating this girl for a little over four years now. Everything has gein wonderfully until recent when she got a new job. She now works 9-5 monday through friday. Weekends, holidays, the whole nine yards. Cool. But I am a chef and I work nights and weekends. We rarely see each other anymore and it has ravaged our relationship. Here is where the confusion comes in, I told here that I would switch to a daytime job somewhere in the culinary industry so that we could have time together again, yet she tells me that she would rather things stay the way they are than to risk me not liking my job and resenting her. I am still looking for a daytime job, but what the hell am I supposed to think?

Sounds like she doesn't want to MAKE you change jobs, but she does want you to change jobs, but without it seeming like you are being forced into it.

Make sense?