Lets say you had your significant other's password or phone or something that would give you the ability to find out about what the talk about with their best friend. Lets say you act on that urge to snoop around a bit and find something that is THE PAST and was a personal conversation between your significant other and their best friend and you do not like this conversation at all because it was never really meant for YOU to read. And lets say you are UNDERSTANDABLY upset over this and decide to tell your SO you read this. And of course then drama ensues.

Would something like this really be considered a violation of trust and grounds to end a relationship? Or is it just bad judgement and a case of curiosity killed the cat?

I would say yes and yes.

But it really depends upon the other person involved.

Reading someone's email is a recipe for disaster, really. Indulging one's insecurity is never going to be good, regardless of whether anything untoward happens to show up. All it'll do is build guilt and suspicion.

And, is it really surprising if one's partner's email has things that one doesn't want to see? We all have relationships with people other than our partner, as we should, and like you said, the conversations we have with those people may well not be fit for general perusal. So, like you said, curiosity and the cat, and so on?

Whether any of this is grounds to end a relationship, though, is a tricky question. Nobody really needs a reason to do such a thing, ultimately, and it's difficult to distinguish a reason from an excuse.

It really depends on the person. I personally would not be upset if my husband snooped at my email or phone and he has my passwords if he ever wanted to do so.

I wonder why you had the password/phone access to begin with, did they give it to you or did you snoop to find it? If snooping provided the access, why? Were there trust issues in the relationship already?

trust. is just that. trust. if you have the means to invade your s/o's phone or computer or email or whatever. DONT FUCKING DO IT! its thier personal life. if they choose to share it with you then thats different. snooping will only lead to bad things. trust me on this, i know.

we all want to kmow what our s/o is doing when we are not together. its best to let that be, let them share what they want to. you will find what you dont want to find- thats a given. like gravity, it happens.

meta:
"Whether any of this is grounds to end a relationship, though, is a tricky question. Nobody really needs a reason to do such a thing, ultimately, and it's difficult to distinguish a reason from an excuse"

said it better than i could.

I stay the fuck out of people's shit. The one time that I didn't resulted in both of us having to go to psychologists a few times, and we weren't even dating any more at that point.

Posted by Senseriffic Lets say you had your significant other's password or phone or something that would give you the ability to find out about what the talk about with their best friend.

Chances are good they've known this best friend longer than they've known you, and quite possibly have been through much more with them. Relationships with other people are healthy. You won't, or at least shouldn't, be the end all of your significant other's social life.

Lets say you act on that urge to snoop around a bit

That's your own problem. You know what you're getting into, and you knew from the beginning it wasn't right.

and find something that is THE PAST

Then drop it. Easy enough, right? Oh wait, you decided to start prying for no good reason other than you had 'an urge' to.

and was a personal conversation between your significant other and their best friend and you do not like this conversation at all because it was never really meant for YOU to read.

No shit it wasn't meant for you to read, nothing in someone's phone or email unless forwarded or pasted is for you to read, subject aside. I wouldn't have an ounce of respect for you, as your significant other, if you didn't show me the same respect.

And lets say you are UNDERSTANDABLY upset over this and decide to tell your SO you read this. And of course then drama ensues.

You got what you deserved.

Would something like this really be considered a violation of trust and grounds to end a relationship? Or is it just bad judgement and a case of curiosity killed the cat?

It should be over.

Posted by hydrotherapy Chances are good they've known this best friend longer than they've known you, and quite possibly have been through much more with them. Relationships with other people are healthy. You won't, or at least shouldn't, be the end all of your significant other's social life. That's your own problem. You know what you're getting into, and you knew from the beginning it wasn't right. Then drop it. Easy enough, right? Oh wait, you decided to start prying for no good reason other than you had 'an urge' to. No shit it wasn't meant for you to read, nothing in someone's phone or email unless forwarded or pasted is for you to read, subject aside. I wouldn't have an ounce of respect for you, as your significant other, if you didn't show me the same respect. You got what you deserved. It should be over.

hydro said it better than i ever could.

The way the original post is written implies that she was the one upon whom snooping occurred.

Posted by MutantMandias The way the original post is written implies that she was the one upon whom snooping occurred.

Statements still hold.

Posted by MutantMandias The way the original post is written implies that she was the one upon whom snooping occurred.

it works both ways, "snooper" finds... and reacts in a bad way. "snoopee" gets blind sided by snooper, and all hell breaks loose. its just not a good idea. let your s/o have thier life on the side- chances are its nothing to get your panties in a wad over= but "its" going to anyhow. it takes alot of faith to "let" your s/o have a life that does not include you.

Basically everything that Hydro said. Insecurity will end the relationship eventually (and probably quickly). It's also something that will rear its ugly head in every relationship until it is dealt with. If someone is paranoid and insecure enough to snoop, chances are what they find will be interpreted negatively no matter what it is.

Example:

Message that was sent to someone: "It was really great to see you again!"
Interpretations:
A) "It was really great to see you again. You're amazing in bed and I totally want to leave my significant other for you!!"
B*) "It was really great to see you again. I like having friends and a social life because that's perfectly normal!"


*Edit... damn smileys.

Posted by Oryx Basically everything that Hydro said. Insecurity will end the relationship eventually (and probably quickly). It's also something that will rear its ugly head in every relationship until it is dealt with. If someone is paranoid and insecure enough to snoop, chances are what they find will be interpreted negatively no matter what it is. Example: Message that was sent to someone: "It was really great to see you again!" Interpretations: A) "It was really great to see you again. You're amazing in bed and I totally want to leave my significant other for you!!" B*) "It was really great to see you again. I like having friends and a social life because that's perfectly normal!" *Edit... damn smileys.

very well put. i will add:

friends of yours i dont like, i dont want you to have any contact with them... "lead balloon" pending.

Violation of trust? Yes. Grounds to end the relationship: I wouldn't end a relationship solely because of this, but chances are it's indicative of a larger pattern/mindset and the relationship should be ended. In my case, we should have broken up there, but we stuck it out for a few more dysfunctional months.

Remember, not wanting to be in it is all the reason you need to end a relationship. You don't need an event or specific impetus.

yes. an event is all that is needed to push one over the edge. even if its minor on ones part but major on the others. relationships are built on trust and rely on trust. without trust what do you have?

http://www.uer.ca/...d=1&threadid=79931

the begining of the end.

Wow I love UER. I wasn't the one who snooped actually... it was him. So all your comments toward me are negated but it was very interesting to be the one who was being "bitched out". Now I know how horrible he felt after doing it. He apologized to me and everything you guys said is pretty much true and he realized and admitted to. We worked it all out, our relationship is VERY strong and I have learned how to be forgiving in some situations and not in others. I did think about ending the relationship but it was out of anger, now that I've had a day to think I'm not as mad as I was earlier. He still has some baggage from his past relationship which is probably why he chose to go through my phone in the first place. (BTW, him having my phone, MY fault.. I wasn't thinking)

We have a very open and honest relationship and have been working on our insecurities because we both just got out of very abusive relationships.

Thanks for all the advice though peoples, it did give me the perspective I was looking for!

Interesting thread. Did you really need the validation?

What was the conversation with the best friend about? And was it before your boyfriend or during?

Posted by AnAppleSnail Interesting thread. Did you really need the validation?

Always, you know that.

one reason relationships dont work that many people overlook:
though you should keep your well being in mind, people care more about themselves than others.

you apparently gave them the passwords and what not for email information.. just be straight up and say no, let the drama revolve around that.. because what was the point in giving it to them? thats a sign that it may get USED AT SOME POINT.

everyone has problems. so, this persons problem may be insecurity. some others, perhaps they lie well, drink too much, etc..
but, knowing that all human beings are flawed, committing to a relationship does in fact mean dealing with someone elses downfalls. of course, what it is does make a difference. (like, addiction or stalking, may be a bit much..) in a healthy relationship, i would assume, the people involved would be working toward self improvement and communication of the process when needed.
we are all still learning how to deal with life.

in my opinion, i dont think that this somewhat vague (the first sentence as well) description is grounds for an end.. because nothing is ever black and white, and exceptions for rules are constant.. though as mentioned, watch for the recurrence, and other shit.