Subject: --Tools and their uses


DRILL PRESS : A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which
you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL : Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh
sh--!'

SKIL SAW : A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS : Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER : An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW : One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS : Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH : Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW : A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK : Used for lowering an car to the ground after
you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly
under the bumper.

BAND SAW : A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST : A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER : Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or
for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips
screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your
palms.

PRY BAR : A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER : A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent
the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE : Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents
such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for
slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-B1TCH TOOL : (A personal favourite!) Any handy tool that you grab
and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a B1TCH! ' at the top of your lungs.

It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

DUCT TAPE: The universal standard of car repair: if it can't be repaired with duct tape, then it is in big-time trouble.

i have a lot of son of a bitch tools, seems to be almost as good as the "you son of a bitch" or the metric "son of a cunt"

JOHNSON ROD: When all else fails, hit it with this beast. I have no idea who Johnson was, but he's a genius.

i wonder if that is the equivalent to a BILLY BAR. A billy bar is an apparatus used to increase force... any force.

a johnson rod is the thing george costanza wanted replaced twice

I was looking for that list!

Also... duct tape is for things that move too much, WD-40 is for things that don't move enough.

Posted by bandi I was looking for that list! Also... duct tape is for things that move too much, WD-40 is for things that don't move enough.

I found something better than duct tape...CLEAR DUCT TAPE

Posted by Samurai i wonder if that is the equivalent to a BILLY BAR. A billy bar is an apparatus used to increase force... any force.

I meant a Johnson Bar actually

Awesome

Posted by Agent Skelly I found something better than duct tape...CLEAR DUCT TAPE

Packing tape? Doesn't work nearly as well.

Posted by HarvestmanMan Packing tape? Doesn't work nearly as well.

No, its real duct tape from 3M that's clear. Look it up!

Posted by Agent Skelly No, its real duct tape from 3M that's clear. Look it up!

blasphemy.
you cannot improve on the perfect item and duct tape is one of those items that the inventor should've gotten the nobel prize.

Has anyone tried using duct tape on ductwork? It's terrible!!!

Posted by Samurai blasphemy. you cannot improve on the perfect item and duct tape is one of those items that the inventor should've gotten the nobel prize.

Oh, my dear brother of Harley Earl someone did in fact improve on the greatest adhesive of all time!

ITS EVEN STICKIER!

I love cheap tools from

http://www.harborfreight.com

Posted by Louie I love cheap tools from http://www.harborfreight.com

i had a set of metric impact sockets i bought from harbor freight 15 years ago. In fact, my brother is STILL using them. They outlasted his Snap On set.

Snap On should be called Snap Off... in the past 5 years, their products have seriously taken a nosedive quality wise. I've split more Snap On sockets than any other brand... even welfare stuff. I bought one of their super duper mega torque $450 impact guns, it couldn't even crack VW wheel bolts free. (Took it back... bought an Ingersoll Rand titanium... which could twist the earth if I could find a place to attach it.

I dunno, I think at this point, you're just paying for the name with the exception of some of their specialty stuff.

Now if only a Hazet tool truck would come around to my shop!!!

I can't believe no one has said CABLE TIES/ZIP TIES/WHATEVER YOUR PREFER TO CALL THEM: how to reattach anything if duct tape isn't working.

My Civic, Frankenbumper, was mostly made up of those of various sizes. The bumper only has a single screw...the rest is all cable ties.

Posted by bandi Snap On should be called Snap Off... in the past 5 years, their products have seriously taken a nosedive quality wise. I've split more Snap On sockets than any other brand... even welfare stuff. I bought one of their super duper mega torque $450 impact guns, it couldn't even crack VW wheel bolts free. (Took it back... bought an Ingersoll Rand titanium... which could twist the earth if I could find a place to attach it. I dunno, I think at this point, you're just paying for the name with the exception of some of their specialty stuff. Now if only a Hazet tool truck would come around to my shop!!!

When I was with the inventory service, I was the one person who did all 2 of the Snap-On franchisees in Portland. I learned that Snap-On actually has 3 different contract companies making their tools so even in the same item bin in the truck, you don't know who made what at what quality.

Interestingly, since Black & Decker and Stanley merged, they now make some tools for Mac Tools and also, Canadian Tire's MasterCraft brand