This is a tribute to your grandfathers dirty joke, thats right the art-form (if you can call it that) of the Limerick. Lets see what you've got.
I'll open with this little gem.

There once was clergyman's daughter,
Who resented the pony he'd bought her,
Till she found that it's dong,
Was as hard and as long,
As the prayers her father had taught her.

She married a fellow named Tony,
Who soon caught her fucking the pony,
Said he, "What's it got,
My dear, that I've not?"
Sighed she, "Just a yard-long bologna."

The limerick's my favorite poetic form
because perversion is usually the norm
and in these childish rhymes
there's usually sex crimes
or at least someone rubbing something warm

Posted by G to the Race The limerick's my favorite poetic form because perversion is usually the norm and in these childish rhymes there's usually sex crimes or at least someone rubbing something warm

I have a giant book of them with chapters such as Organs, Strange Intercourse, Buggery, Zoophily, Excrement, etc.
I'm thinking of posting one a week to this thread.

Back in the days of BBSes I ran across this one that's widely known all over the internet now... This is fairly similar to how I first saw it;

Little Miss Mary Brown
said no man could lay her down,
Until one day, over the hill came piss pot Pete
with twenty pounds of swinging meat.

He laid her on the grass
and put it in her ass,
but little Mary, she blew a fart
that knocked Pete's balls apart
So back over the hill went piss pot Pete
with twenty pounds of shredded beef

Yeah, I don't have anything good... but I do have a couple bad ones...

A shapely young girl from Lynn, Mass.
Has a really magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think-
It's gray, has long ears and eats grass.

Lady Burnside sat on her backside,
Dusting her frontside with peroxide.
For she knew on the whole,
Gentlemen prefer blondes.

A nasty young thing from Peru
Filled up her sweet parts with glue.
She said with a grin,
"They paid to get in,
Now they'll pay to get out again, too."

These are all from the book <u>MORE Jokes for the John</u> copyright 1963

There once was a hermit named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
Her face looked like shit,
she was missing a tit,
but think of the money he saved!

(My grade 12 physics teacher taught me that one...)

Why is the movie Christine popping into my head...............

To his clubfooted child said Lord Stipple,
As he poured his post-prandial tipple,
"Your mother's behaviour
Gave pain to Our Saviour,
And that's why He made you a cripple."

There once was a man from Boston.
He drove an American Austin.
He had room for his ass,
and a gallon of gas.
But his balls fell out
and he lost 'em.

Jeepdave from Campobello
was a most unusual fellow
He had a 13 inch cock
and I swear it could talk
When he stuck it in me I heard it say, "Hello"

LMAO! Good one G. Altho you shorted me a little

Posted by bandi There once was a hermit named Dave, Who kept a dead whore in his cave Her face looked like shit, she was missing a tit, but think of the money he saved! (My grade 12 physics teacher taught me that one...)

Was his name 'Dave?'

There once was a fellow named Dick
Who was cursed with a spiraling prick
So he set out to hunt
For a screw-twisted cunt
That would match with his corkscrewy dick

He found one and took it to bed
And then in chagrin he dropped dead
For the spiraling snatch
It never would match
The damn thing had a left-handed thread!

Not a Limerick by any stretch. Just an old toast from my navy days.

"Here's to the hole that never heals,
The more you rub it the better it feels.
All the soap this side of Hell
Can't wash away that fishy smell."

Wine and women, song and vice,
Syphilis, blue balls, crabs and lice,
We've had 'em all, by Jesus Christ,
Gentlemen, the Queen."

Posted by jeepdave Why is the movie Christine popping into my head...............

I thought about this all day... and it finally came to me!

Posted by bandi I thought about this all day... and it finally came to me!

Excellent Cuntingham!

"Isn't that what you do with shit? Scrape it up with a little shovel?"

A dude from Campbellford named Bandi
had a trick that came in quite handy
with a flick of his tongue
he could tickle your bung
while eating your cock like candy

BWAHAHAH

Ever hear of KublaKhan?
Canada's most prolific john
he paid a hooker for something called Hot Carl
shat on her face which made her snarl
"Goddamit wait till I get the Saran Wrap on!!!"