women, what make you put a guy into the "friend zone"? This has been a recuring theme with me and im starting to think its somehow related to the way I interact with girls.

Maybe you are being too nice? Girls always go for the jerks and then talk to guys like you about it haha.

You should also try being more aggressive in your wooing, like letting them know early on you like them. This means being very clear cut, not something that when devoured by 10 of her friends could go either way.

I'm going to take a page out of WRs book and be a heartless bastard.

You are in the friend zone because said women do not find you sexually attractive. Nice guys who are not attractive are forever banished to the friendzone.

All the confidence talk is bullshit, any female who says different is bullshitting themselves or everyone else.

Posted by maypost You are in the friend zone because said women do not find you sexually attractive. Nice guys who are not attractive are forever banished to the friendzone. All the confidence talk is bullshit, any female who says different is bullshitting themselves or everyone else.

I'm gonna second this, but add that you may be able to make yourself sexually attractive to them by acting like a gigantic asshole who doesn't care about their feelings. Chicks dig that.

Yes, but I'm also getting nookie so I suppose it isn't too bad.

I have been in the friend zone more times than I can count. I ended a long term friendship because of it(although not as simple as my wanting to get in her pants). I'm one of those nice guys to a fault, always vigilant about not hurting feelings, listening, being accepting, and all that other crap. Skold is right, one need to be able to communicate clearly how one feels and what your basic intentions are(and when they don't bother to even try to communicate, like in my case, you have to let them go, like I did). I wouldn't go as far as being a dick, though.

Don't act like a guy friend at the start. If you are interested in more don't hide it. I have had, well still have a few guy friends that I would have liked to have had more with. When I realized that there was an interest on their end it was too late. I was not willing to mess up the friendship for the "benefits".

Don't sell yourself short on the "friend" catagory.

I happen to become attracted to guys that I already know, who are my friends.
The last few guys I was involved with started out as being my friend first; with no romantic interest at all. I would even try fixing them up with my friends! After a while, I realized that I really did like these guys.

Guess I'm one of those rare breeds that really does put personality first. (Not that looks don't factor into it)

Test the waters after being friends for a while - see what happens.

I put guys into the 'friend zone' when I find them un attractive and I don't want to have sex with them... or they are a really good friend that I don't want to screw up. (the friendship, that is)


But I'm married... so my opinion doesn't matter.

Next time you're alone with her, watching the news and trading informed comments on the world's suffering, or maybe out for a walk on the beach while she's telling your about her asshole whatever-his-name-is, or maybe when you're visiting her apartment after agreeing to take care of her cat while she's away on vacation with whatever and she's giving you instructions on how to change the kitty litter, or maybe you're at a co-ed yoga class and/or an organic cooking class, something like that...the next time you see an opportunity, pinch her teats and tell her she makes you horny.

Let me know how it works out.

You're ugly.
Move on to someone with lower standards.

Posted by Lexi You're ugly. Move on to someone with lower standards.

Maybe, maybe not.

Women's sexual attraction is most definitely NOT based on looks alone. With women, it's as much about power and status as it is looks, probably moreso. See: All the rich and/or powerful ugly guys who bag hot chicks left and right. Hell, just having an arrogant aura about yourself can improve your sexual attraction with women by orders of magnitude. And conversely, you can be an attractive guy who's a limp-wristed pansy and have problems that way.

There's all kinds of reasons besides his looks that could be making him sexually unattractive to her. Hard to diagnose specifically without knowing him.

Posted by White Rabbit Maybe, maybe not. Women's sexual attraction is most definitely NOT based on looks alone. With women, it's as much about power and status as it is looks, probably moreso. See: All the rich and/or powerful ugly guys who bag hot chicks left and right. Hell, just having an arrogant aura about yourself can improve your sexual attraction with women by orders of magnitude. And conversely, you can be an attractive guy who's a limp-wristed pansy and have problems that way. There's all kinds of reasons besides his looks that could be making him sexually unattractive to her. Hard to diagnose specifically without knowing him.

1) Mick Jagger.

2) Donald Trump.

3) Mick Jagger.

Posted by White Rabbit Maybe, maybe not. Women's sexual attraction is most definitely NOT based on looks alone. With women, it's as much about power and status as it is looks, probably moreso. See: All the rich and/or powerful ugly guys who bag hot chicks left and right. Hell, just having an arrogant aura about yourself can improve your sexual attraction with women by orders of magnitude. And conversely, you can be an attractive guy who's a limp-wristed pansy and have problems that way. There's all kinds of reasons besides his looks that could be making him sexually unattractive to her. Hard to diagnose specifically without knowing him.

I don't disagree, but I don't agree either. You are right if you want to land yourself someone hot and with as much personality as a brick. And as we all know, bricks are only good for two things: Stacking large numbers on top of each other, and throwing through a window.

It has been my experience that self confidence goes a very long way. And if I was to be a arrogant asshole, I would be stuck in a hell of dumb tarts, amateur night(read:Friday & Saturday nights) at bars, shopping malls(because I'd need to keep up my douchebag appearance). No thanks, not the game I want to play. I think it boils down to this, no matter what, one can always find a mate. Hell, even my brother could do it, and he is the most socially awkward person I have ever met(albeit she was a Scientologist, a really hot one at that, but still she was a Scientologist). I think that how one comes off is a major deciding factor on what kind of person one attracts. If you are the shy, awkward type, you will attract someone who is a bit nuts. If you are an ego maniac, you will attract bricks. If you are modest and self confident, you will attract a smarter, balanced(and sometimes older)lover.

Posted by dirt I don't disagree, but I don't agree either. You are right if you want to land yourself someone hot and with as much personality as a brick. And as we all know, bricks are only good for two things: Stacking large numbers on top of each other, and throwing through a window. It has been my experience that self confidence goes a very long way. And if I was to be a arrogant asshole, I would be stuck in a hell of dumb tarts, amateur night(read:Friday & Saturday nights) at bars, shopping malls(because I'd need to keep up my douchebag appearance). No thanks, not the game I want to play. I think it boils down to this, no matter what, one can always find a mate. Hell, even my brother could do it, and he is the most socially awkward person I have ever met(albeit she was a Scientologist, a really hot one at that, but still she was a Scientologist). I think that how one comes off is a major deciding factor on what kind of person one attracts. If you are the shy, awkward type, you will attract someone who is a bit nuts. If you are an ego maniac, you will attract bricks. If you are modest and self confident, you will attract a smarter, balanced(and sometimes older)lover.

You can lay a brick too

Posted by Lexi You're ugly. Move on to someone with lower standards.

Interesting,coming from someone who has discussed her own personal sensitivities here.

Just sayin'.

Anyway,like Debi,I've also become attracted to male friends over time,in the past. My current and my last relationship have been with people I knew many years before,though I imagine that trust,familiarity and not wanting to get stuck with a psycho (again) have alot to do with that.

I'd say that the only thing that put me off of these guys at the time was thier neediness and constant availability,if you will. Sad to say,there was no challenge there,which of course is unfair to say. As much as I hate to agree,being aloof with a touch of 'I don't care if you're around or not' can help.
"Friend zone" guys are safe and comfortable and if permitted,you'll be destined to be the guy that a girl will call time and time again to bitch about other guys,or even to flirt with you if they know you;re into them. Up the aggression ante,as in let them know that you're into them at the get-go, and you could get better results.

LOL Maypost!

Well said Wiccan; specifically the part about being attracted to people who have already been your friend has the benefit of trust, familiarity and not getting stuck with a psycho!

Afterall, when your friends with someone, you usually get to know who they truly are. None of that bullshit of "I'll impress the shit out of you for the first 3 months then you'll REALLY get to see who I am afterwards" mentality.

Posted by dirt I don't disagree, but I don't agree either. You are right if you want to land yourself someone hot and with as much personality as a brick.

I don't disagree with that.

But I do believe that sometimes, even to get a decent normal person, although going as far as being an asshole may be a bad idea, you may have to fake an air of self-confidence and aloofness that you may not actually possess to get them to give you a chance.

Girls, even decent ones, are just generally not as attracted to guys that actually show interest in them. It's in their DNA or something.

Posted by Debi Afterall, when your friends with someone, you usually get to know who they truly are. None of that bullshit of "I'll impress the shit out of you for the first 3 months then you'll REALLY get to see who I am afterwards" mentality.

Ain't it the truth. Excellent point!