Posted by sandaili What!!! I saw you at the meet and greet....so the not sexually attracted theory just went out the window LOL ;) But seriously, to the OP... what one person finds attractive, another person may think "no way"....and you never know until you date for a little bit. L

Well thank you, It's an odd thing, I get from a lot of people that I'm attractive. Yet, to get an equally attractive girl interested in me is close to impossible. To tell this story about my friend would take a lot of time and a lot of thinking.

This is her and I at my senor prom:


if you couldn't obviously see that I had really deep feelings for her, you'd be blind. And the guy she ended up with, it's like being being punched in the balls.

As far as the attractiveness argument goes this is my feelings on the subject. There are 8 basic energies that make up the entire universe. One of them is affinity, this energy is what attracts or repels people. I think a person is born into the world having affinity(love or hate) with a certain amount of people. As we are humans, and we have to make choices with the cards we are given. One chooses whether the other person is friend, enemy, lover, ect. The problem is that most people, once they made their choice, feel obligated to stay on that course, regardless of how they really feel.

yah that hurts.

Posted by Stewie yah that hurts.

Yeah well you should see the guy she ended up with.

Shit, I haven't really thought about this whole debacle this deeply in a while, I think I'm gonna go drink a bottle of shiraz, chased with bourbon, till I can sleep, or pass out(whichever comes first).

Someday I'll tell the story. it is fucked up.

I like that picture. She's pretty, you aren't ugly, and reading the emotions on the faces gives it a nice subtext. I'd be interested to hear the story as well.


AND - the "friend zone" doesn't always stay that way. All those people who think it's a dead-end trap seem to be making excuses and reasons not to try. It's harder, yeah, but its more than possible to go from friend->lover. I've done it a few times. I advise slow and consistent escalation of physicality. If you do it right then you are a boy that she makes out with all the time (or whatever your goal is) but it doesn't occur to her to dump you, cause you are "just friends". I've had friends like that go through a few boyfriends... while I outlasted them all.

Ladder theory is bs. The theory about girls not wanting what they can get isn't though. If they can get you, they will feel all good about themselves, yeah, but they will feel that they must be able to do better. They probably won't know what they mean by better, but it has something to do with surpassing other girls.

Personally, I prefer to just jump into a relationship. But if that relationship happens to be friendship because they are in an exclusive relationship, or don't feel like it, or any of a number of things that's ok. It's also no reason not to escalate it.

I like drinking, driving fast, bar fights, going off with the army for months at a time and generally being a bad ass. I dont want a girl who wants a good nice guy. I want the bad girl...hopefully she out drinks me and hits on more people then I do.

Sounds like fun. Both you and your perfect girl. If I was a girl, I'd do both'ya.

Challange, challange, oh, and did I say CHALLANGE.

Thats what a lot of people are looking for.

If it comes to easy, if your too nice, if you show too much affection, etc etc etc your not a challange. A lot of us need (and want) to be kept on our toes when it comes to a relationship. Maybe thats why girls like bad boys. We look at them as hard to tame; and we want to tame them.

Course, (hopefully) as you mature, that whole scene gets old. I've been through my share of my man being out too late, drinking too much, blowing me off for his friends, you get the picture. But at this point in my life, that shit isn't attractive to me anymore. I want a guy I trust and feel secure with. Not one that puts a knot in my stomach because I'm wondering what he's up to.

Posted by dirt Well thank you, It's an odd thing, I get from a lot of people that I'm attractive. Yet, to get an equally attractive girl interested in me is close to impossible. To tell this story about my friend would take a lot of time and a lot of thinking. This is her and I at my senor prom: http://images.trib...-acc7-c45dfc12c66f if you couldn't obviously see that I had really deep feelings for her, you'd be blind. And the guy she ended up with, it's like being being punched in the balls. As far as the attractiveness argument goes this is my feelings on the subject. There are 8 basic energies that make up the entire universe. One of them is affinity, this energy is what attracts or repels people. I think a person is born into the world having affinity(love or hate) with a certain amount of people. As we are humans, and we have to make choices with the cards we are given. One chooses whether the other person is friend, enemy, lover, ect. The problem is that most people, once they made their choice, feel obligated to stay on that course, regardless of how they really feel.

I'd do you.

Posted by DebiCourse, (hopefully) as you mature, that whole scene gets old. I've been through my share of my man being out too late, drinking too much, blowing me off for his friends, you get the picture. But at this point in my life, that shit isn't attractive to me anymore. I want a guy I trust and feel secure with. Not one that puts a knot in my stomach because I'm wondering what he's up to.

Course, for a while in there, girls want a boy who is trustworthy and secure, but ignore said boy so they can go hookup with the badboy. Sometimes, they even get him to be the secure boy, and then dump him cause he's not the man they fell in love with. And that is when I gave up changing for women.

Posted by MindHacker Course, for a while in there, girls want a boy who is trustworthy and secure, but ignore said boy so they can go hookup with the badboy. Sometimes, they even get him to be the secure boy, and then dump him cause he's not the man they fell in love with. And that is when I gave up changing for women.

Your post makes no sense. Obviously, somewhere along the line, a woman fucked with your head, and rendered you a babbling, drooling and/or dribbling dunce.

Do yourself a favour: start sleeping with men. The sex is decent, and there isn't a lot of cuddling and/or pillow talk afterwards. You can watch TV before/during/after all sex, and you can lounge around in your stinking gonch on the sofa all fucking day long, eating pizza, drinking beer and smoking weed...and your B/F is likely only going to ask you to pass the bong.

Posted by KublaKhan Your post makes no sense. Obviously, somewhere along the line, a woman fucked with your head, and rendered you a babbling, drooling and/or dribbling dunce. Do yourself a favour: start sleeping with men. The sex is decent, and there isn't a lot of cuddling and/or pillow talk afterwards. You can watch TV before/during/after all sex, and you can lounge around in your stinking gonch on the sofa all fucking day long, eating pizza, drinking beer and smoking weed...and your B/F is likely only going to ask you to pass the bong.

I've considered it. Any advice on where to sign my name onto the roster? Do men still go for mindf*cked dunces?

Everytime I come back to UER, I'm surprised you're not banned yet. Surprised in a good way.

Posted by MindHacker I've considered it. Any advice on where to sign my name onto the roster? Do men still go for mindf*cked dunces?

Almost exclusively. It makes conversation very very easy to deal with.

Posted by KublaKhan Almost exclusively. It makes conversation very very easy to deal with.

So you mean that you'd fuck any guy who was attractive? Because everyone is mindfucked.

Posted by KublaKhan I'd do you.

Oddly enough, that seems to be the consensus, yet I have never be hit on my a girls(in real life). But guys on the other hand flock to me.

Posted by dirt So you mean that you'd fuck any guy who was attractive? Because everyone is mindfucked.

No. Not just any guy.

Oddly enough, that seems to be the consensus, yet I have never be hit on my a girls(in real life). But guys on the other hand flock to me.

Is it because you send their gaydar into hyper-alert mode?

Posted by KublaKhan No. Not just any guy. Is it because you send their gaydar into hyper-alert mode?

Sort of, I can be very girlie. But I have no interest in men, moreover, I think I fetishize women.

Posted by dirt Sort of, I can be very girlie. But I have no interest in men, moreover, I think I fetishize women.

Be bolder.

And take your clothes off while exploring more often. (if you explore, which I would assume, being on this board, that you do.)

Posted by hydrotherapy Be bolder. And take your clothes off while exploring more often. (if you explore, which I would assume, being on this board, that you do.)

I don't think being bold is really the answer. For example, My friend Mette, she is fucking gorgeous, really bright, highly sexual, creative... the list could go on. We met while in high school, and I was in love with her(still am, but not in th romantic sense) and did what most people would have done, I asked her out. She stopped talking to me for about a month after that. I was plenty bold. She dates guys who are so below her that it's mind boggling. Yet me, someone who is on her level, she wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.

My point in saying this? Every situation is different, and sometimes, you are right, and others, not so much.

Yes every situation is different being 'being bold' can't be summed up with "I asked her out."

Projecting internal confidence is one thing and can't just be called upon for the moment- it has to exist.

The social crap about 'asking someone out' often sets up this really... awkward situation. Where things could have blossomed to fruition suddenly becomes a 'yes or not' situation. Bad news. All my best flings, relationships and friendships have been far more organic than that.

Every situation is different, but generalizations can be fairly accurate. You're likely oversimplifying the situation saying she wouldn't date anyone on her level. For all you know she may have an insecurity complex that she qualms by dating people she knows she doesn't have to feel guilty about- she gets bored, dumps them, moves on. Losers and such. She may not be in a place to want to take you on. Not sure how old you are, love, but most ladies, notably the creative, slightly nuts ones, don't like to settle. And if you come across as too stable, intelligent and pretty as you may be- the idea of stability oft scares 'em off.

Just an outside perspective of someone who doesn't really know the situation all that well, take it as you may.

Posted by hydrotherapy Yes every situation is different being 'being bold' can't be summed up with "I asked her out." Projecting internal confidence is one thing and can't just be called upon for the moment- it has to exist. The social crap about 'asking someone out' often sets up this really... awkward situation. Where things could have blossomed to fruition suddenly becomes a 'yes or not' situation. Bad news. All my best flings, relationships and friendships have been far more organic than that. Every situation is different, but generalizations can be fairly accurate. You're likely oversimplifying the situation saying she wouldn't date anyone on her level. For all you know she may have an insecurity complex that she qualms by dating people she knows she doesn't have to feel guilty about- she gets bored, dumps them, moves on. Losers and such. She may not be in a place to want to take you on. Not sure how old you are, love, but most ladies, notably the creative, slightly nuts ones, don't like to settle. And if you come across as too stable, intelligent and pretty as you may be- the idea of stability oft scares 'em off. Just an outside perspective of someone who doesn't really know the situation all that well, take it as you may.

You are more right than you know. This friend runs through men like they were
pez candies, and it is insecurity that causes her to do this. That is why at this point I wouldn't date her. Also to keep score, I've tried get close to her in a romantic sense three times. The last time, was after she and I were over at another friend house. She undressed in front of me and grabbed my cock, but being that we were at a friends house(who also is an ex of mine) I didn't feel it was appropriate to do anything then. So I went back to her place, watched a really cool French film(Delicatessen), then tried to make a move but was shot down "because one of our other mutual friends was in love with me". Can you say mixed messages? Now that we have become best friends I now know that I was to stable, and back then too clingy.

But Sarah, the one I had to stop talking to, that is a completely different story.

That was certainly pretty fucked up.

Dirt, I meant attractive BOTH ways - you just have something about you that kind of exudes "nice"???? I don't know how to explain it. And of course, yeah you're cute too ;)

I'm sorry that you went through all that with that girl....that really, really sucks. A lot.

L

Posted by hydrotherapy Yes every situation is different being 'being bold' can't be summed up with "I asked her out." Projecting internal confidence is one thing and can't just be called upon for the moment- it has to exist. The social crap about 'asking someone out' often sets up this really... awkward situation. Where things could have blossomed to fruition suddenly becomes a 'yes or not' situation. Bad news. All my best flings, relationships and friendships have been far more organic than that. Every situation is different, but generalizations can be fairly accurate. You're likely oversimplifying the situation saying she wouldn't date anyone on her level. For all you know she may have an insecurity complex that she qualms by dating people she knows she doesn't have to feel guilty about- she gets bored, dumps them, moves on. Losers and such. She may not be in a place to want to take you on. Not sure how old you are, love, but most ladies, notably the creative, slightly nuts ones, don't like to settle. And if you come across as too stable, intelligent and pretty as you may be- the idea of stability oft scares 'em off. Just an outside perspective of someone who doesn't really know the situation all that well, take it as you may.

Yeah. This reminds me of a situation.

After my 6 year engagement ended, I was free, and I dated someone I was friends with for a month. This guy showed up at my work when he found out I was single, and we started dating. I'm the kind of person who doesn't mess around - I wanted to know up front after a few dates what he thought.

He professed that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, etc. etc, and that he was so happy, and all...but he had been divorced and didn't want to jump into anything.

Okay. That's fine, but I was like....okay, so you want me to keep screwing you (which was fun, of course, rebound or not)? I wasn't going to stick around for a "let's see how it goes" thing. I am always looking for a long-term relationship. When I realized he just wasn't going to commit, I took myself out of the equation before I started to resent or think twice about what I was doing.

We all have to do what we want - if something doesn't feel right, get out. I really hate when people can't even acknowledge that you are "going out" or not....

We were with friends and everyone kept asking him if we were going out. He said no...and I was like, screw this.

Backstory: we were friends for two years. In that time he was going out with a woman who would not sleep with him. She moved in to his house. I don't believe he even ever kissed her. And she hated his friends and they hated her (she lied to them a lot or something).

Finally she had an argument with him about him watching football on Saturday or Sunday (since her religion didn't allow her to watch tv then, she told him he couldn't either...in his own house....)...and the relationship went downhill from there.

Anyway - here I am, and I'm a sexually open person, but again - I'm not giving it away for free or anything....dating is one thing, but staying with someone for over a month, to me (this is just ME, I do not apply this to anyone else, we are all different) makes me get uncomfortable because I fall in love easily. So either it's going to work out and I become a girlfriend, or I take off and stay a friend.

Well, then I break up with him and I move on, I met someone right after him and we have been together for two years, and what do I hear constantly from this guy - he's dated two girls who won't put out LOL and all he does is complain. "Why can't I find a girl like you" etc. etc. Now he's not just talking sex, sex is an everyday life type of thing for me. I'm laid back and I want kids, want a nice simple life (okay UE in there too), and I got along with him great (that's why we were good friends for years before we dated).

I told him honestly I really didn't want to hear the complaining because it really didnt' make sense to me and he said he was an idiot...etc etc. I think he's just never going to settle due to his divorce. He's afraid of being divorced again and won't take the plunge - if he finds someone who obviously isn't going to work, he'll start a long term relationship. If they will work, he pushes them away LOL!!! I've seen both happen to him over and over. I wish him luck but it's just weird.

L